Sissy,
I went to Catholic School for 12 years, and the majority of the Catholics I knew then and now are more into the spirit of the law than the letter of the law. It's really curious that you are encountering such devout Catholics.
And if the families are as big as you say, it sounds like they really do practice what they preach.
But, as someone else said, I'm sure they aren't following all of the rules. And Catholics aren't supposed to judge, so hopefully they won't judge you for this.
Maybe you could say we are trying to determine our path or purpose as a couple, or something vague like that. Or, we are giving it some thought. That doesn't mean you are leaning one way or another. Or, you could say you've been praying for some guidance on it. That's perfect. How can anyone argue with that? They say people that become priests receive a calling. And the nonreligious are called to do other things, that may or may not involve children.
I know in an ideal world, you should be able to speak your mind. But church communities can be very tough. I don't understand why you have to follow everything the church says. There isn't one person in your community that doesn't disagree with something. There are just too many teachings.
I agree with what was said above. Over time they will relax their rules. The fact that they have changed the rules over time speaks to the fact that the bible isn't a living document.
The old testament rules around pork made sense back in the day because of the cleanliness of the food that was available. We don't have to worry about that anymore. And we don't have to worry about populating the earth anymore, either.
But people don't think logically when it comes to kids. And the beliefs regarding children run deep.
