BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids "Go Mom" article

Since I've grown up, our roles have changed and now I feel suffocated around her. I would be miserable living with her, or even near her. I was so offended (and still am) that she would be waiting and hoping for my husband to die so she could try and push herself on me. He's in good health for god's sake, and a lot younger than her, so why should she be planning on him dying first? He did have cancer when we first met 13 years ago, so it's not out of nowhere, but he's been "cured" and we of course are hoping for many more years together. Not her though! That's when I realized she definitely doesn't have my best interests in mind anymore, which is really sad. It's just all about her loneliness. We are even worried about her trying to poison my husband or something crazy. I know, this is really off topic, but had to get it off my chest. I so want to be able to be happy on my own in life.

I can see it as "society" mandating the lifestyle if it's a family of McSheep who feels as if it simply must keep up with the Joneses and get the latest jet-skis and Nintendos and Range Rovers...that's one thing. We've all seen folks like these, unfortunately.

But the other thing (which is true of all working mothers) is that one simply cannot be in two places at one time. It *is* a juggling challenge, and either your job, your kids, or your personal time will suffer (if you work full time, have kids who are moderately active and challenging, and a husband who is average in terms of not doing much to chip in). That said, it seems that most women are choosing that it will be their own personal time that suffers; I view that choice as unfortunate, but perhaps the least problematic of the three...in fact, almost noble. I wouldn't want to be one of these over-burdened women (just reading about them makes me tired), but I've never said I don't have respect for mothers who set their standards high.

Society has given women the impression that they can "have it all". They can --- [b]but not all at once[/b]. Even Sandra Day O'Connor, a feminist ground-breaker for her work as the first female Supreme Court Justice, stayed home while her kids were young. In her interviews, she has said that eludes her why people don't seem to understand that women can't be two places at once.

I am not advocating that the mom stay home. I'm advocating that if a couple decides to have children, ONE of the parents should stay home when the children are young. We'd probably all be a lot better off if that parent were, more often than is the case now, the dad. We'd probably also be a lot better off if people cut back on their materialism, forgot about the Joneses for once, and asked the really tough questions about what is important to them in life (and yeah, that would involve not thinking of parenthood as an automatic "given"). I have a feeling we'd have more relaxed people (parents and non-parents), less junk rusting in the garage, and perhaps fewer children born --- but happier parents and therefore happier, more well-rounded kids.

I forgot to say, this article made me feel even more like I can't afford to have a kid. These moms just hire someone to do every chore so they can spend more time with their kids. Must be nice, but I'd go broke really fast I did that. Not only is it taking away from your ability to work, but you have to hire so much help.

I see peers that are on the phone all the time with their family (parents) consulting them on every aspect of their lives. It is like the apron strings never got cut.

It makes me feel inadequate because I am not like that...and never have been.

My parents raised two independent children. We figured stuff out on our own and created our own forms of play. (Remember that imagination thing we had as kids? Do today's kids have that?)

I feel that they handled things right, but I sometimes wonder if they regret it. My mom gets worried and calls me if she doesn't hear from me at least once a month and my dad is always pushing for me to visit more often.

Does this imply that they are normal parents of adults or that they wish they could have been more like the parents in the article?

I was lucky because my mom stayed home with my brother and me until we started school. I never spent a day in day care. We didn't have a lot of fancy things, but I don't remember ever wanting for anything. My mom was busy with her own things, and my brother and I had to learn to play by ourselves. She didn't have time to be our playmate and activity director, so we used our imaginations. Or she'd shove us outside to play, ride our bikes, etc. We were responsible for our own entertainment, and we knew better than to say we were bored!