BellaOnline Forums Family Moms Mom daughter and vibrator,

I agree that kids know what's going on "outside." But, I feel that teens today don't know anymore about what is going on, on the "inside" than previous generations. And the deck is kind of stacked against kids readily gaining inner togetherness. There is just to vast a playground for them. Emotional needs are still the same hidden and confusing array to the unmatured as they ever were.

Let us look at this from the other side.

Should a mum give freedom to the daughter to use a vibrator below 18 years?

if yes, suppose the daughter is 12 and wants one, what should the mum do?

Should every emotional need be satisfied or sometimes it needs to be explained that - you need to wait for some more time and then go ahead.

Can a mum/parents not teach their children about the rights and wrongs going on?

Are parents helpless in front of the mass thinking? will they watch helplessly getting their children affected by the society?

What about other values then?

One more question- should the mum call a vibrator healthy for a young teen? Healthy for her emotional and physical health?

Personality of the child is a huge factor here. What works to sustain the needs of one..

However, generally it is my own belief that a young girl looking after her own needs so that she can head to into the world unfettered by pesky physical annoyances is an unrealistic ideal.

Teenagers are so given to emotion that sexuality/sensuality may really need to analyzed deeply and steadily from a higher level with a parent. If something is on one's mind that much, it should be discussed that much. Maybe discussed so much that it becomes clinical and boring. With lots of emphasis on understanding and demystifying the sparks and sensual parts! And lots more emphasis put on career plans, or a physically demanding part-time job. (To tired to worry bout it! M'i mean?)

Kids dressing up and doing the hair and makeup to the point they have turned them selves on and then become lost in their own sensuality (Brittney Spears seemed to have ended up there) really, really worries me!

Some teens really believe their needs are being met by recreational drugs.

This is an awesome discussion ladies. I have loved reading responses to this. I think it would be awesome to have a kid who feels open enough to come to a mother with this issue. I think with lots of open and honest communication from the mother, a daughter could benefit from using other methods to satisfy their sexual curiosity. Like I stated in my first post, think of the consequences if your child chooses another route to explore their sexuality because, let's face the facts, kids are going to try things. My real mom gave me "the talk" starting at 9. I still lost my virginity at barely 15 years of age BUT I did make sure that we used birth control. I personally think during "the talk" masterbation should be brought up. Maybe I wouldn't have felt so curious about having sex with a boy if I knew more about masterbation at that age. It is hard to say.

I have loved your response. Can you tell me if in your opinion the mom was right?

Pl. see the bold text.

Can not the mom take the kid in confidence so that kid discusses everything with mum and mum guides the kid in the right way. So that the kid knows that somethings need to be done at a certain age and not before that? You think that there is no way for mum to guide kids in doing right? Will kids get so affected by their friends that they will do things without parents knowing? Is that not parental failure?

I feel like the discussion is great. The fact that the mom and daughter can talk about this issue is so important - it is the most important aspect of this whole thing.

But...with that being said; I guess I would have liked to know the entire conversation between the two. I think it's good that a mom can talk to her daughter about masturbation w/out freaking about it, but I still feel like most teen girls are not ready - physically ready - for manual toys.

Kids read about these things, or hear about them from other kids (that don't really know any better either) and think they sound wonderful. Like I said, in my experience, they are painful.

While I don't expect a mom to sit there and have a "demonstration hour" type discussion about this topic (heaven forbid!) , I do think there's more to it than just, "OK, as long as it's your money".

Anybody remember the book "Deenie" by Judy Blume (the same author who wrote "Are You There God? It's Me Margaret")? Although, the book primarily deals with Deenie's scoliosis, it also talks about masturbation. I can still remember distinctly the passage about it, even though I read it when I was in middle school- over 20 years ago! But my mom never talked to me about anything sexual (other than "don't") and so reading that in a book - the fact that I wasn't the only one in the world that felt that way, was pretty amazing to me. I didn't feel like such freak.

So I definitely applaud the mom for keeping the communication lines open. I wish I had that when I was young. It might have changed quite a few things in my life.

Michelle,

Do you agree with mum's decision?

Let us divide this in two parts.

One- the daughter and mother are open about such discussions. Everybody agrees that that is very good.

Second- the decision of the mother to buy a vibrator for her daughter below 18, provided daughter gives money.

In my opinion, the mother should have explored more about sex with her daughter and discussed all things sexual including why she wanted a vibrator instead of having a nice boyfriend. Here was the opportunity for the mother to tell her daughter more and insulate her against the wrong thoughts, practices and priorities.

Sorry - I guess it didn't come across as clear as I thought it did! (shouldn't try to cover 3 ideas at 1:00 in the morning!)

No, I do not agree with the mom buying the vibrator. I just think that teen girls are too young for them. Personally I feel that using something like a vibrator should come later when a young woman is more mature. I feel that many of these toys tend to dehumanize and desnesitize sex (not physically but emotionally); so it would actually make it easier for a teen to make the jump from masturbation to real sex.

Now I'm not going to sit here and condemn masturbation as a whole. I do think it is natural for all kids to explore their bodies, and I think the ones that can openly discuss this with their parents, as opposed to being made to feel "dirty" are going to be much healthier and stronger in realtionships.

For those of you that are not familiar - I was date raped my first year of college. My father still does not know about it to this day because sex in my household was made to be such a dirty thing. Not just wrong because of the Christian upbringing I had, but it was not discussed. My knowledge of sex came from books; early on it was Judy Blume (not so bad), but later I came across the author of the "7 Deadly Sin" books Laurence Sanders - and although as mysteries the books are great, as sex education books, this is NOT where a 15 yr old girl should have been learning about sex!

My daughter is only 9, I'm not sure how I'm going to make it different for her - but someway I will. I now have a 15 yr old son. We already talk (more frankly than he would care to I imagine!) He knows about my date rape - because I wanted him to understand how things can get out of hand, and he's always got to be able to accept "no". I am not, however going out and buying him a "sleeve" or doll or something. I know he masturbates, I don't make a big deal of it. He got into sneaking around on the internet for porn - that we did make a big deal of, and had many talks about.