BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Do You Regret........?

I think it's generational, what I want to say is--for example if your mom didn't go to college, you probably did, you may not have finished--and got married and had kids, but your kids probably finish college. If your mother went to college and finished, you probably did as well. To me it just seems like each generation tweeks what the generation before them did. I know my oldest finished college, then got married. My second daughter is in college without any intentions of getting married before she is done. They have plans. And I say good for them. To do over again, would I have done something different--definately, but not at the cost of not having the four kids I have. They definately mean more to me than any travel, career, etc.

I sometimes think that we are too influenced by what a professor of mine in grad school called a "sacrifice of self." She went on to explain that in many religions, which heavily influence societies, there is a call to scarifice the self. While this is good in general, it is not good to do so before you have "done" for yourself. She said too much sacrifice eventually causes anger and frustration.

I believe it is never to late to create the life you wanted and to give yourself what you didn't get.

Michelle, you will make a wonderful music teacher! Go for it!

"I have a new post within a post here-
Do you feel that you did not do for yourself what you wanted to do because you had children? In other words, what would you have done just for you?"

I am doing what I wanted to do with my life. It certainly hasn't happened exactly as I dreamed and planned but what does?

I am sure that if I had not been able to have kids, I would have managed to change my direction. And one day I won't have small children at home so I will need to change direction in my life anyway.

I suppose I'll find the time for my hobbies, my domestic pursuits and my writing.

Iwonder,

My family seems to be all off that board, LOL!

My mother was a book keeper but she did not work entirely through my childhood. She worked when she could count on childcare for us.

My parents wanted me to attend college and I absolutely refused. I love learning but I detest school and saw no value in college for myself.

My oldest daughter refuses to attend college and does not even have a real interest in knowledge.

well that's how it is at my house! LOL. I teared up the day my oldest graduated with honors from college! And no, I didn't finish my college education because I had a child my junior year, and she came first. There was no way she wasn't going to finish college. I believe it simply makes life easier, financially.

I do believe most of us would do thinks differently. Although I have no real regrets.

Children grow up and will lead their own lives as is right.

We need to have something for ourselves too.

With regard to your question (I'm paraphrasing here) as to whether having children impeded my/our own personal plans or development, well, yes. No question. It was due to a hormonally-caused and driven big pause between having one daughter and the next. 8 years, to be exact. so for us, the gap really did cause a huge hiatus in what we might have done had we had the kids closer together, or even just have had the one.....
But my life has take an altogether different turn again, now, and I find I really am my own independent person, and it certainly has its advantages!

Kristen,

I had hoped my oldest would attend college. As Iwonder said, it opens more doors these days. But I can't force her nor can I do the schoolwork for her.

She is choosing instead to set out on the career path she has worked on for herself. I can only hope she is happy and has no regrets later.

That is the wonderful thing about life. If we leave ourselves open to possibilities we can make good changes and be ready for the "turn."

Being your own person, who you want to be, creating your life, is something that can be done.

I did.

It isn't necessarily college, it is doing what you really want to do.