BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Doubts? More or less as you get older.

That is exactly how I feel about my husband - I don't want kids, my husband does, and the thing is - I LOVE to see him playing with kids. It seems to work so well for him (but then again, those are the "Kodak moments" - he's never spent time with little kids or been with them alone.)

Being on this board has helped me a lot. I was a mess when I first joined. I'd been obsessed over this topic for a long time, and the last few weeks had been just really, really bad, crying every night.

So, I think that just being here will, at the least, help you feel less panicked and upset. I hope you are able to figure things out. There are a lot of people here who can relate to at least one of the concerns you have.

Chaco, Elise, and emerald ... I agree with you on religion. My husband is an atheist and I'm pretty much there with him. His parents don't know, by the way, and so if we ever had kids we'd end up having to baptize them and attend church, either his or mine (I'm Methodist.) And I don't see either of us willing or wanting to do that, but his parents would FLIP if we didn't (and my family wouldn't be happy, either.) Just one more reason to say NO.

My SO and I also don't believe in organized religions. He may be more of an atheist than I am, although we both tend to value nature and the Earth highly.

If children were even to appear in the picture, they would not be baptized. They'd be allowed to choose what they want to believe in and which direction to take that into their lives.

That said, I don't want children

And as I get older, I feel more confident in saying so. Of course, I am almost 27 and my child-bearing years are not close to passing by yet. I did suffer a serious illness last year that affected my fallopian tubes and quite frankly, I may never be able to carry a child anyway. I'm ok with that. I figure if I really want to be around kids, I have friends who'll let me borrow them. But only if they're 9+ years or older.

Ah, you and Chaco will get along nicely. She doesn't want kids if they're under 12. Me, I get tired of them right around that time. I've never liked teenagers, I still don't, and I don't want my own.

Maybe we could all trade them around. I'd like them between 0-2, then I'll take 'em back from 5-9, then someone else can have them again. But I'd like them back again when they're over 25, though only if they're self-supporting and cool.

LOL! I can handle them for a bit, 9-12, perhaps? After that, who wants to have a teenager?

Oi!

On a serious note for me though, the BF and I had a blow up today regarding children. I hate that. He's really only started changing his position about not having children to having some since we've been together. I think that's remarkably ironic since I've never kept it a secret that I want to be CF. Ugh. But now he's also put it out there that he never wants to get married (in general) at all. Hmm. That makes it equally interesting since I always envisioned getting married. I guess I'll just wait and see what happens the next couple of years.

Yes, I will be happy to hang with the kids that are 12 and up. Between the four of us, we could get the kid through to adulthood...and with the cost of college tuition rising as it is, it will take all four of us plus our spouses/SO's to get them through school

Lastingone, I went through something similar with my husband. I met him when we were in our early 20's and he said that he never wanted to get married. Of course, at 22, I did not really care. I did make him promise that if I got seriously ill, he would not abandon me and expect my parents to take care of me. He only became comfortable with the idea of getting married after we had been together over seven years. At that point, we knew we were 100% committed to eachother and we still believed getting married did not make our relationship any more or less special-it was really just a piece of paper. I don't know your BF's reason for not wanting to get married, however he may be more open to it as you guys are together longer and he becomes confident you guys really know one another and can make it work.

What is interesting about your BF is that he is interested in having kids, but not in getting married. My husband and I used to say that we would be more willing to get married--if we planned on having kids!

lngilbert, I am with you on how much help this board has been to me. I really did not feel like I had anyone in my life who could understand where I was coming from. My husband tried really hard, but it is different for men. All of the girls I know either have kids or can't wait to have kids.

Interacting here has helped me get into a much better frame of mind.

Chaco -

I'm the one who never wanted to get married. (I'm always afraid my husband is going to use that against me in the children argument. "Remember, you never wanted to get married, either!")

The funny thing is that I said that all my life. Even when I was a kid. I had several boyfriends, never felt the slightest urge to even think about marriage. When I started dating my husband, about 2 weeks in I suddenly thought, "well, this sucks. I'm going to have to wait at least 2 years before we can get married!" Somehow I just knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

That's how I found both my dogs, I looked at lots of dogs at the shelter and then with both of them, right away I knew that the dog belonged with me.

But I don't think that's going to happen with the whole CF thing. Maybe if I someday meet a kid who needs to get adopted it will happen, but I don't think it will happen that I suddenly want a child. Maybe WANT to want a child.

As I get older I do have doubts that I am making the right decision to not have children.

When I think about the idea of my husband and I having a child toogether the idea has alot of appeal. I love my husband so much and just the thought of creating another life toogether is amzing and a miracle in itself.

I often wonder what our child would look like and things like that.I know my husband would be the best father but Iam unsure of my ability to be a good mother.

I know I would love it to death ( a child) but I am scared of loosing the great life we have now. Its a very hard choice to make.

Hope