BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage how do you get kids & hubbies to help out?

If you need the laundry done or dishes washed, how do you motivate your family to do it? I don't want to nag or threaten; I need ways to encourage hubbies and kids to help out.

Any ideas?

Having no kids I can only speak about what I observe in my sister's family. The main thing I see as a problem - not following up on threats made. I know you don't want to "threaten", but maybe think of it as offering two choices : ) and be sure to follow through with the consequences. Sometimes the kids just don't want to cooperate but I say too bad, it's up to their room they go if I'm around and they're acting up.

In regard to the husband, it kinda makes me gag, but I read that frequent compliments help and I've noticed that it sure helps in getting my husband to help out. When I make a point to say how well he did something and how much I appreciate it he eats it up. Of course he doesn't go around heaping praise on me for all the MANY many things I take care of, but that's a different forum.

You go down stairs and sort the laundry. Wash yours and leave theirs on in the designated piles on the floor. When they run out they'll get the hint.

Can't give you any ideas for the dishes. I've never been a good dish washer. If we didn't have a machine there would be piles and piles of dishes on the counter.

It must be very frustrating for you. But if you keep doing it for them there is no incentive for them to do it.

Good luck!

Love the laundry thing!

I have to say I've been fortunate in the laundry thing. When my husband's company downsized and he was going for his teaching certification, he was at home. He began doing his own laundry. He even offered to do mine but he put things of mine in the dryer that shouldn't ever go in the dryer so I did my own.

The arrangement is still going on!

Dishes? Yay dishwasher! I am so not domestically inclined.

I don't know what you do! I do know that you never go back and do it over because it wasn't good enough. (Learned that one the hard way). I even tried the money thing, allowance, for the kids. One of mine did absolutely everything all the time, and the other ones all watched. But praise all of the time should be one of the motivators. The one thing that I did get to work was, "everyone's picking a room and we'll clean for 20 minutes." That did work on occasion, I should have been more consistent on that one looking back.

We have 4 kids and constantly heard "so-n-so doesn't have to do this". Some days I wanted to move into so-n-so's house. Our kids always had chores, and if you didn't do your chores then there was a punishment (usually grounding over the weekend). We stuck to the groundings and so usually everyone would grumble but do their chores. In the summer on Saturdays we have yard chores to do.

I had a roomate in my early 20's that couldn't do anything for herself. Her mom did everything for her and I had to teach her to do all laundry, use the dishwasher, do basic cooking, yatta yatta. So I always vowed my kids would be self sufficient. Also, as I was growing up we did cleaning, laundry, cooking and ect. My sister and I had the choice, cook or clean up after supper and usually I would cook and she would clean. I can't remember not helping at my house. I always told the kids (and am still telling the one left at home) you will know how to do some cooking, laundry and cleaning and later you will thank me. It isn't like there is going to be someone picking up after you for the rest of your life.

I don't ask my husband to help around the house unless something comes up that I can't do.

The kids have set chores to do. I do have trouble with motivating them at times. We recently set up a new system of allowance for my son that seems to be working. We are paying him weekly per chore completed.

A friend of mine got very creative and it worked. She explained what she expected, and then gave them an opportunity to do it. When it became obvious that no one was taking her seriously, she refused to come home. She took her travel bag with make up and enough clothes for a while and stayed with friends and relatives until the things that she expected got done. She never had to leave again. This was 30 years ago, she hasn't had a problem since.

My kids are little so what workd best with them is a reward system. My 4 year old has to help clean up the toy mess they make every after noon. She also dries small dishes that aren't glass. She helps put her laundry away. My 6 year old washes silverware, cups that aren't glass, bowls that aren't glass, has to help pick up the toy mess by bedtime, puts laundry away. My fiance' takes garbage out, runs the vacuum a few times a week, and picks up here and there. He can't do laundry or dishes because he broke his back 10 years ago. So if everyone does their chores and helps each other around the house, we have a family date night once a week where we order fast food, pizza, or make one of our favorite dinners, pile up around the TV and watch a movie together during dinner. The rest of the week, there is no TV allowed during dinner. So this is a treat to eat in front of the TV once a week lol When the weather is warmer, we make special trips every other week for good behavior and doing chores. I think rewards are better then having to get on them. If they don't do it and I end up doing it, I mark the calendar. They ask why we can't do our special stuff, i point at the calendar, remind them what they did and be done with it. If they have a tantrum or what not, they are sent to their room for a little while to vent, think about what happened, then we talk.