BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids New Member

Thanks to everyone for the warm welcomes! It is so nice to know that I am not the only one who feels the way I do about not wanting children. I live in a town of about 20,000 without much diversity. Most people who live here were born here. My husband and I want to move out of here and get closer to a bigger city where your business is your own and the the whole town's. I am just tired of getting asked when we are going to have kids and when I say that I am not, they either say "oh" in that "you're a weirdo" way or they ask why. I don't feel that I should have to explain our decision to other people. I always here how I would be a great mother and all of that. Once I had a co-worker tell me that I wasn't doing what God wanted me to do. She said that we needed to be fruitful and multiply. I got really angry. Finally I said that if God wanted to float me a loan for me to have kids, then I would do it . My husband and I don't make a ton of money and I don't think that we could even afford it. She kept on and on about it so finally I said told her that when she sprouted wings and a halo then she should come talk to me. I would like to point out that her daughter had at least 3 kids, was on welfare and didn't have a job, and was getting a divorce (he didn't work either). My husband and I just like to pick up and go away for the weekend. We don't feel that would be possible if we had kids. It is hard enough with our puppy! Sorry for the ramble Thanks again for all of the support.

I can't beleive I found this site. My husband and I have been looking for this type of support for the childfree, forever it seems. We actually needed to find people like us to talk too.

I live in an area that everyone has children in there early twenties and by the time there my age, the kids are teenagers.

Tamroc, I totally relate! I am 32 and work with teens. Their moms are my age-and sometimes younger! It kind of makes me feel weird. The interesting thing is that these women don't seem bothered by the fact that I don't have kids. My husband and I will spend time with their kids and when I tell them that if we had kids we would not be able to give the time we do to their kids, they nod in understanding.

Something interesting I have noticed is that the people telling me I need to have kids or should have kids are typically upper middle class or affluent. The teens I work with are mainly from low income families. Their parents are NEVER the ones telling me I will change my mind! I wonder if it is because those are the parents that are benefitting from me being childfree? Or because they have a better understanding of what goes into raising a child, since they cannot afford help?

The moms of the teens you work with don't give you a hard time because they're mothers of teens! They've been through it, they've seen it, they know what parenting is (in its entirety, just about) by that time. Few people who've been through the whole cycle would try to talk other people into parenting. They've seen the entire spectrum, not just the Johnson & Johnson TV ad happy talk.

That said, they *are* also benefitting from your work. So it's probably a little of both...

Elise

So true Elise! By the way, thank you for the idea of forming a meet-up. I looked into it and am debating signing up. I would not mind paying the fee so much-however, there were only a few people listed as interested over the past year. Did you have many people listed as interested in hearing about a meet-up before you started yours? Or did you mainly find people once you got the group going?

Here's the breakdown:

I founded the group 7/15/06.

July: 5 members joined
August: 4
September: 2
October: 6
November: 2
December: 12
January: 17
February: 14

Not everyone has taken our polls, but among those that have, about half heard of us through Meetup and another half came in via craigslist, etc. This kind of snowballing effect in membership is very common in Meetup --- lots of folks don't like to join something until they see it's already successful, which puts lots of pressure on the "early adopters".

If you'd like to know more about the group, you can join, even though you're too far away to make out meetups...there lots of stuff that non-members can't see about the group, since it's what meetup.com calls "private". Feel free to join, Chaco, and we can continue this conversation as you research the question! I'm happy to discuss any questions you might have.

Cheers

Elise

I live in NYC now and I really dont like it. Im a country person and cant wait to have a house and a big yard for my dogs. I would like to move to a smallish town. Ideally Id liek to move to a college town or somwhere newar a college town or metro area. Hopefully when I get to a msall town I wont hate it. Does anyone enjoy living in a small towmn? I should add in NYC right now I dont have many super accepting friends who dont mind my childfree status and the most accepting person I know has four kids and totally understand my decision.

Thank you, Elise, for that information. I feel more hopeful that it would be possible to start a group here. I am going to join your group to get an idea of how it works. My husband and I will be going to our first No Kidding! event on March 17 and after that I may get the meetup started. It seems like it would be worth a try

Tubby, I am sorry you are not enjoying NYC. I am from there originally and understand the desire to get out and have some space. Your experience has proved my husband wrong--he says if we want to find people who are more accepting of us we need to move to a larger, more progressive city. We live in Albuquerque-500,000 people...you would think that would be big enough!!