BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Work/Life Balancing Act Only for Moms?

I used to babysit a little girl named Rachel whose parents did not discipline her at all, and let her do whatever she wanted. They both worked in theater and would let her stay up until they got home at night (11 pm or later)...and she was about 3 years old. She also got whatever junk food or other stuff she wanted, when she wanted it. She was the terror of all the other babysitters (we were ushers at a local theater but could also volunteer to babysit for the actors/musicians). When I started babysitting her, I treated her the way my parents had treated me...i.e, she went to bed at a decent time and there wasn't any arguing about it. If she'd already had 2 cups of sugary juice, she didn't get any more for the day. At first it was pretty rough, and there was a lot of crying and drama, but after a while she got used to it and it was fine. When my sister was old enough, she worked at the same theater and also babysat this same girl. She did the same stuff I did. Her parents always commented that Rachel seemed to like me and my sister best, out of all the other babysitters. She used to cry when her parents would pick her up from our place because she didn't want to go home. Hm...wonder why?

I knew how to deal with her when I was 15, and it certainly wasn't because I was a mother myself...it was because I remembered how my parents raised me, and they did it right!

I've had other opportunities since then to deal with kids, and for the most part they've listened to me. One time my husband and I were at Panera Bread, eating lunch. There were two moms there with two boys probably 4 and 5, and a baby. The two boys kept running around other people's tables...other people were just smiling kind of weakly at the kids. About the third time around our table, I looked at one of them and said, very clearly, "You need to stop doing that NOW." The looked a little taken aback, but they went back to their own table and left us alone. Every now and then they would warily kind of check me out to see if i was watching them. And their moms were oblivious to the whole thing.

So all that BS about not understanding how to deal with kids because you're not a MOM...it's just that, BS. Maybe that mom yelled at you because she was jealous that she couldn't get her own kids to listen to her.

Joz you are totally right. I teach kids with severe physical, cognitive, and emotional disabilities and Im not a mom but you bet I can handle kids. Its a balance between discipline, love, respect, and letting the kid be a kid. I think lots of people, particularly in NYC, are so focused on having a baby genius they put way too much presure on the kid and never let the kid be a kid. I know people who buy their kids all these eductiaonal toys for christmas and pay no attention to whether or not they entertain the kid or stimulate them, many are totally out of their developmental range so the kid cant even play with them. I also think all the classes kids are in are bad and too much pressure, one or two after schools is fine. All of this pressure makes kids act out and leads to a lot of the bad behavior you see in kids. Also like you pointed out lots of parents cant discipline thier kids or give them limits, kids need limits they cannot make their own. They are not capable of behaving if the rules are not clearly laid out for them. I dont believe in really insane strictness with kids and Id say Im fairly calm and laid back in my dealing wiht my students and other kids but I know when to lay the law down. I would never let kids run around in a resteraunt and if they were too young to behave in a restearaunt they should not be brought.

I think in my suburb of Chicago they are too focused on trying to let the kid be a kid but still getting all those after-school activities in. Which means, basically, they are pushed to excel (though the parents would deny it if you mentioned it) but receive no discipline.

Apparently, the parents think that letting the "kid be a kid" (a phrase I hear ALL the time) refers to discipline. For instance, you can't tell them to behave because they want their kid to be a kid.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, and another thing - one of my superiors at work had to leave early because her kid got sick at school. She ended up working really late, so I popped in to see how her kid was doing. We somehow ended up having a conversation about children and parents (she just had to deal with some really dumb parents and I deal with them at the school next to my house.) I said something in agreement with her about parents and she looks at me and says, "uh, I don't think you can judge parents until you are one" and proceeded to say all kinds of nasty things about parents she knows.

I thought that was ridiculous that I am not allowed to "judge" parents, but she is!

Sort of a "let nature take its course" thing...well, it's "natural" for a toddler to c$%p on the floor, but generally there are ways around that. It's "natural" for a 6-year-old to not know how to read, but we've decided it's a good idea to teach them. In other words, we intervene in children's lives every day...unless it's about running around outside, I've found that the "let the kid be a kid" phrase is usually a big cop-out.

Furthermore, we are NOT letting kids be kids. We're cutting their recess time, allowing them to spend all of their at-home time in front of one screen or another, and ultimately turning them into fat, hyper, distractible beings...then drugging them when they climb the walls. The kids at my high school get a 20-minute snack and break mid-morning, then a full hour for lunch. They can either sit and talk with their friends in a relaxed way or go out and play soccer, frisbee, hackey sack, what have you. They often still have too much energy!



Hey, parenting is a job that doesn't pay, has a lousy schedule, and is stressful. Having power-trips about keeping b#tchfests for parents only is their right, I guess.

If she ever complains about men (which all us women do eventually from time to time) just tell her, "Uh, I don't think you can judge men until you become one". HEE HEE!!!

LOL fiddle!!