Hello,
I can see how distraught you are as I am slightly in a similar position. It seems to me that you've had doubts with this relationship much earlier since you've already taken a break from your bf a few months ago. I believe the best thing to do right now is sort out how you feel toward him, and him only. Do you still love him, do you want to be with him in the future, and do you love him enough to work things out by talking to him about how you feel. If you do then talk to him thoroughly, make sure he knows exactly how you feel. If he is not up for the conversation, then he shouldn't even be considering marriage. In that case, I think this would be a legitimate reason for you to leave. I would only say this to you because you are still young. Like you said, you've been with your bf for 5 years. You've spent a whole chunk of your life together, lots of memories, difficult to throw away, lots of baggage. What was the reason that you got back with your bf after your break? Was it because you wanted to or because since you've been together for so long...might as well stick around...
What I am trying to get across is, you still have a choice because you control your own destiny.
Now, about this "great guy" that you've met a while back. You still don't know him well enough. I realized that it took me a good year to really get to know my ex (who was a wonderful guy) and realize he just was not the right one for me. If you do break up with your bf, just be sure that it won't be because you want to date this other dude. Now say that you do break up with your bf and then go out with this new guy and later find out that he was more like a great friend rather than bf material ("great guy"). In this case, I hope that you won't feel like you really want your ex back.
Main point here is make sure you are not making decisions based on the idea that you just want to settle with someone. There are more than two choices. You also have the choice of being with yourself. To be single is not a bad thing because you know what you want and you are still choosing for yourself. Do it for yourself, what do you want? Are you truely happy?
So you said you broke the new guy's heart. Remember, someone's heart is going to be broken either way, but time will heal itself. Don't feel guilty or your life will never "move on". If you really feel (after sorting out your feelings with your bf and yourself) that you want to pursue a relationship with the new guy, then do so (after you've broken up, of course). Because I think that you will regret if you don't. You would feel better knowing if it worked out between you two. As to what you should do or say to the new guy, just be honest. Let him know that you feel that you didn't get a good head start on things due to your issues around your bf before. Tell him that you are more grounded with yourself now and that you feel that you want to give this another go. But remember the choice is his to make. The guy's heart was broken, but don't feel like you have to make any promises.
Remember life is short, do what makes you happy.
Good luck!
~Helen
