BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What Childfree Means to Me

Hi All,
Here is no. 10. Helping my girlfriend cook healthy, home cooked meals and never eating fast food junk. We only dine out when we travel and when we are at home we never dine out. Loving on each other while dinner is cooking is wonderful.
Mike

hello everyone! i swear the list is almost endless! the other day my hubby was talking to a bunch of his co-workers at lunch. they were lamenting on how stressful and difficult it is to go on vacation with children. my hubby just said"that's why we don't have any!" he's so blunt about it i just love it! so to me that is an additional reason not to have children! stress free vacations!isn't that what a vacation should be anyway?

also i really believe that our marriage is as strong and close as it is because we dont' have children. we can concentrate our time (what we do have)and energy on our relationship. personally i wouldn't want children to spoil the special relationship we have.

indigo

For me childfree means that I

* was able to work fewer hours in order to go back to school

* have been able to put forth that extra bit of effort in school that has earned me enough scholarship $ to cover my final year's tuition (whoo-hoo!)

* will actually graduate (I know many parents who never finished)

* will be able to go to grad school -- which will allow me to pursue a career that I enjoy but pays not-so-fabulously

* am able to keep encouraging my hubby to quit his soul-sucking job and to pursue work that he enjoys but that pays not-so-fabulously

* will be able to attend a class, lecture, workshop, or symposium whenever I feel like it

* will be able to travel

* will be able to (knock on wood) RETIRE EARLY!!!



Bassgrrl, do you mind terribly if I hate you just a little bit?

Hi! I'm new but this topic is v interesting so I thought I'd join in. :-)

-Quiet. Noise makes me anxious.
-Having all the alone time I need (and I need a lot)
-A clean(ish), well decorated, modern style home without plastic things everywhere
-Being able to concentrate on my DH and our relationship.
-Better financial situation (we're in NorCal, land of the million dollar starter home).
-Travel.
-Never being "mommy-tracked" at work, and a fairer division of labor in the home.

Hey Emerald Weds...welcome!

All of your reasons resonate with me (down to the modern style home...hubby and I have a contemp. passive solar post and beam), with the only exception being a somewhat saner real estate market (southern NH) and not working in the corporate setting (there's no "mommy tracking" in teaching).

My students see me as an energetic, engaged, flexible teacher. I teach high school music, and make it a point of keeping up with what the students are listening to. However, I need an *obscene* amount of downtime...quiet time at home online or reading, cuddling with hubby in front of "The Daily Show" and the woodstove, or a couple of hours at the gym. I have *no idea* how people get through life without it, but apparently, many, many do...but at what cost to their psychological and physical health?

Elise

Thanks so much for the welcome, bonsai! I totally hear ya on the downtime. Fortunately DH and I both need similar (large) amounts. :-)
Did you have your house built? Sounds v similar to what we'd like someday.

No, EmWeds...

It was built in 1987 by the people from whom we bought it. Only one owner before us.

Being a post and beam (sound transmission through walls and floors is probably one of the only downsides of P&B construction) and 1800 SF, I have NO IDEA how a family with two teenage boys lived here...but they did!

"Bassgrrl, do you mind terribly if I hate you just a little bit?"

No prob! ; ) If it helps, the type of work I do is physically demanding, making it pretty easy to manage weight.

I've already listed why I want to remain childfree in my first post, New Here, so I won't repeat myself.

I've read everyone's posts, and I can't believe how much I agree. You know, I'm so glad that I'm not alone. People started bugging me as soon as I got married when I was going to have kids - and if I said I don't want them, they would look at me like I had just eaten my child in front of them or something.

Why is this such a difficult thing for people to accept? And why do they feel the need to criticize me, try to change my mind, or pretty much deny what I just said? "Oh, you'll feel differently in a few years." Maybe I will. But now (and for as long as I can remember) I don't want that.

I've already helped raised half a dozen of the kids I babysat. One kid called me "mommy" when he was 3 and I was 17. I babysat every single weekend, and sometimes all day every day in the summer.

Plus, I taught gymnastics for so long, and you want to make sure that you are being a positive role model and teaching them how to share, take turns, etc.

So, I guess I feel like I've already had kids, and I don't want anymore!

Ingilbert, that sounds similar to how I feel. I did a lot of babysitting in my teens, loved every second of it, loved kids, even did the diaper thing (though I don't remember how, I have a very weak stomach). We are very involved with our nieces/nephews. I guess I just never felt compelled to do all that full-time. Fortunately, my husband is in agreement. He's the oldest grandchild in a very large family, so he's always been around kids/babies (his youngest cousin is only 4 mos old and his aunt is expecting again - she is just a few years older than him). We love being role models, the "cool" aunt/uncle, etc.

I won't say we never wanted kids, we just were never on the same page. I'd say yes, he'd say not yet. He'd get the itch, I'd say not yet. I guess our thing was, neither one of us ever felt that strongly about it. It gradually just disappeared as we filled our life with other things - travel, volunteering, work, etc.