BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What Childfree Means to Me

bassgrrl: I babysat for a friend's daughter this weekend and there was not one minute of downtime (maybe when she took her naps). It was constant moving, getting, reprimanding, cooking, putting clothes on, feeding and entertaining. I don't know how parents do it. I would go nuts! <img src="/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

In a word? FREEDOM!!

The reality is, that's my main reason to be childfree. To be free to do whatever I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it. To be financially free. And to have the time and ability to do the things I WANT to do.

For instance:

* I can call my husband on the spur of the moment and tell him "let's go somewhere!" If you sign up for travel deal e-mails, you can usually find something really reasonable at the last minute. It's much cheaper for the two of us to go then having to pay for us plus kids. Plus, I don't have to worry about their schedules and all of their "stuff." It's just me and DH (and we can pack light!). Granted, we have to work around our work schedules...but it's not that hard. A quick trip to Vegas, a last-minute cruise deal, a weekend in Chicago or NYC...whatever.

* DH and I were able to build our dream house last year. We could have NEVER done that with kids to support. Besides, it's hardly "kid-friendly!" We <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" /> it!

* Peace and quiet. No screaming kids. Being able to curl up on the sofa anytime I want and read a book by the fire. Or soaking in the whirlpool. Bliss!

* Higher education...I love to learn and improve myself. I will start working towards my MBA in the near future. I'm glad my tuition money isn't going towards kids!

* Never having to find a babysitter! We can go out with friends whenever and not have to worry about the kids.

* Spending quiet time with DH without having to worry about interruptions. <img src="/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The list goes on and on and on. For me, I can't figure ONE good reason to HAVE kids! <img src="/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Jezthepuff: Yes, I feel so much freedom that I could scream from the rooftops at times.

I was talking to my bestfriend the other day and I told her that I went to this area of my city that has a beautiful lake to go jogging. She asked, "you drove all the way over there to go jogging?" I told her yes, and could not understand the reason for the question. She then said, oh yes, I forgot you're free to come and go as you please.

She has a two year old and she has commented on how free I am so often now that I'm beginning to think she is a tad bit jealous, despite her protestations that motherhood is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Off topic: That is a very nice picture of you and your hubby. You can tell you two are really happy together.

Yes, I do believe your friend envies your lifestyle. Ever notice that those who persuade you to have children are those with children? Could it be that misery likes company? What do you say to this so-called friend when she mocks your freedom? I would have difficulty holding my tongue. Shame on her!

Oh yes, Diamond, she used to try to convince me to have children all the time, even going as far to tell me that I'll regret it when I get in my 50's.

Well, now that her son is getting bigger and going through the terrible two's, I've notice that she does not try to convince me as much, just makes comments all the time about me being free and single.

She even made the stupid comment that I was putting on weight because I am able to sleep in on the weekends and according to her since I don't have kids, "all I'm doing is laying around and getting fat." I had put on some weight, but it had nothing to do with not having kids. I just had not been exercising the last couple of months.

Her remarks used to bother me before I went to visit her for Thanksgiving and saw how her two year old son is wearing her out. She is 47 and barely able to keep up with him. Now when she makes her remarks, I just smile knowing that I made the absolutely right decision for ME!

Boy, commoncents, you're a much nicer person than I! I would have quit talking to this person a long time ago. Her comments are quite rude!

It's been my observation that people who are happy with their own lives rarely take potshots at other people's lifestyles...so I'd agree, I think your friend is jealous as all get out. She's going to be 63 when that kid is 18! Her "golden years" are going to be spent paying for Bratley's college education.

Joz: We're stopped speaking many times over the years about over various issues. If we ever fall out again, I'm through. She is a very selfish and self centered person, but a part of me loves her like a sister.

Whenever I talk to her she tries to act like she is really happy, but I can tell that she is not as happy as she puts on. She has made so many stupid comments to be over the years.

I think it means freedom and irresponsibility. But in China, you know, if I do not want a baby, we still need to live with my mother in law, and take care everything of her. She always asks us to do this or that, even in the weekends, we must drive her out for visiting or shopping. We lost our freedom at all. Sometimes, I wander if I have a child I can do something for my own kid instead of taking care of her, is that more comfortable for me? Am I too selfish?

I often wonder that same thing. Last year when FIL passed away, DH and I assumed much responsibility for DH's disabled brother. DH is the "go to" guy in his family whenever anything goes wrong, too. Since we don't have kids, we have discretionary income and do help out when they need it. I don't begrudge any of this, but at times I wonder if we had kids, if we wouldn't concentrate more on them and the rest of the extended family would swirl on by.

Hi Commoncents,
Here is my list of things I enjoy because I am childfree:
1) Being a 110 percent committed to a caring, loving relationship with my girlfriend and not worrying about anyone else.
2) Skiing every weekend 5-7 months of the year. When there is adequate snow in the mountains near my home, I can ski any day I want and work a full time job.
3) Giving my girlfriend a place to paint and draw in my townhome and not having that space cluttered up with kid's toy's.
4) Getting a good night's sleep.
5) Having only one debt ( a mortgage).
6) My girlfriend is able to pursue her interests and passions.
7) Returning home from a long bike ride in the summer, having lunch and then taking a nap.
8) Reading a book in the evening without interruption.
9) Love making anytime my girlfriend and I want without interruption.

I am sure I'll add more later
Mike