BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Kids and Pets

Im almost embarassed to admit this but figure this forum is the only place I can bring it up. I am very much on the fence about kids, really my only reason for not wanting them is I am afraid they will be incompatible with my pets. I have three wonderful well trained dogs who are great with kids and three cats. I dream of getting a hosue in the country so I can have one or two more dogs, pugs, and maybe a horse someday. I know that people have kids and pets and that they can get along together, but I also know so many parents who say "oh my dog was my baby before I had kids." Or worse get rid of their pets when they have kids, which I would never do, but still why do they do it?. I also worry a little about allergies, though I have no family history. Tons of people I know say "oh if you have a kid out those dogs will go" it makes me so mad. I worry though is there some sort of pregnancy hormone that makes you turn against your pets, even a vet Im friends with rehomed her puppy after her daughter was born, she did keep her older dog though. I could never get rid of one of my pets they are the most important thing in the world to me. The thing is I could live without a kid, but I think I may regret it, but I cant imagine my life without dogs. I dont think that my concerns about pets though should really be my only reason for not having kids, it seems like everyone else here has better reasons and is more secure in their decision. Im just wondering am I nuts? I just dont know what to do.

No, you're not nuts. The attitude you describe here infuriates me! We hear it all the time in rescue. I would hate myself if I thought like that.

I give credit to one of my best friends - within 3 years she got married, got a house, got 2 Springer spaniels, got unexpectedly pregnant, and still they remained as devoted to their dogs as they had been before. The best thing is that they've taught their 2 kids to love and respect animals. I don't understand why more people don't see the value in teaching kids about the commitment to caring for a pet for the duration of the pet's life.

..."really, my only reason for not wanting them is I am afraid they will be incompatible with my pets".

Pets are compatible with anyone so long as they are aware of their place in the pack (particularly dogs). If your cats start peeing all over the house in objection of a new addition, you likely will not be able to stop it. So what happens to the cat? It gets put in a room, cage, or outside - what else are you supposed to do? Can't let a cat pee all over your house. This has happened to many a couple. I was a certified vet tech, before moving on to people, and heard many a woeful story of this type. Can't finance a donut on a vet tech's pay, had to change careers.

Yes, you do change hormonally, physically, and any other 'ally' you can conjur up. Animals WILL take a back seat, ultimately. Some people are smart and really really plan before hand; borrowing babies and kids of different ages to acclimate their pets to the new addition that will invade their home. I used to work with some of these couples and they took a great deal of thought and advice on preparing the animals for the new arrival. They always turned out to be excellent parents too...hmmm..anyway, everyone will get along so long as you make a determined and continual effort to make it happen. It's much, much easier however to oust the pet and that is what usually happens.

tubby, I have heard you defend the childed rather fiercly, and have made it quite clear on numerous occasions how much you enjoy being around kids, don't mind the poo and such. I really think you want children, you certainly lean much more towards that side of the fence then the other side. I must say, not having children SOLELY because of pets is a very weak excuse, in my opinion. I'm NOT being ugly or mean so please don't think that. Forget about disagreements in the past. I really do think it's a lame excuse, especially since it's your only one!

The only thing I would add is to please take into consideration the ways of our world today, and the terrible condition of our planet and what you would leave your children to contend with.

Good luck with your struggles and as always, the firmly decided will be here for you...trying to sway you towards our wicked ways, of course <img src="/images/graemlins/kiss.gif" alt="" />

Fire

I understand about the whole difficult situation in the world which is why I would never have more then one kid. I also like kids, but I like dogs better. I might love my individual kid better then my dog, but I would rather go to a room full of dogs then of peopel of every age. i dont take offense with you saying its a weak excuse, I think it is too. I just wish I could see into the future. If I was ever in a postition where I had to get rid of a pet due to an allergy or something it would kill me. I acutally have started preparing my dogs now by getting them used to having toys taken away from them and making sure htey dont guard their food or toys. I also handle them roughly. I let them on the furniture and in the bed with me, but that would not change if I had kids. I dont see how you can have a pet and not let it on the furniture, how do you cuddle with it?!? Also I cant beleive that about hte cats, honestly if that happened with my cats, I probably would let them pee everywhere because I couldnt let them outside, one cat has three legs and one is blind in one eye, they are recues, and the healthy Id still be to afraid of cars. Luckily my cats have never had an accident and are pretty well adjusted. They have all been around kids and seem fine with them. They also are fine with the housefull of dogs so kids would seem not so bad for the cats to deal with after that. I think Im going to let my financial situation make the decision for me, because I could never be a working mom. If I do have kids though I promise I wont turn into one of the awful women who cant shut up about thier kids and carried on endlessly about the fancy preschool their kid got into. I hope.

Still, one child or ten...doesn't really matter, of course only in my opinion...you still would be affecting the life of that one child by bringing it into a world that is so screwed up.

But if you do have a kid/kids, I'm sure you won't be like all those devilish parents we all detest, no worries there.

I have a totally different experience with dogs then you do. A dog that is allowed in your bed and on your furniture is put on the same level as you, equal if not higher in the pecking order. A big mistake in my opinion. For 3 years I worked part-time with a K-9 Officer. He had a small business of training people how to work with their dogs and I learned a tremendous amount about how dogs think and behave. I do understand however that if you have a very small dog, it can be difficult to keep them off furniture. But that can be worked with. I prefer dogs' primary loitering area to be on the floor.

I have an Old English Mastiff and she doesn't even think about getting on any furniture. How do we love on her? We get on the floor and nap, play, brush, pet...she gets all the lovin' she needs. I take her bowl of food away from her about 3 times a week while she's eating. Just for a second, just to keep my place in our pack. I also brush her, move her face away from the bowl and things like that. Not enough to irritate her, just the way it would be done in a pack. I take her bones away from time to time also. Done appropriately with kindness and respect but deliberately, this keeps everyone in their respective places. It is something I have done with all my dogs and have never had issues.

As far as the cats go, I understand how you would be in a unique position considering the age and physical disadvantages of your cats. But you can't let cats pee all over your house anytime they want. The urine is extremely potent and the ammonia vapors would be a hazard to any living thing living in the house. It would be extremely unsanitary and dangerous. There are other options that would work much better.

I am sure you will make the decision that is best for you and your husband.

Fire

there are lots of people who have kids and pets at the same time. one of my friends let her twin girls teethe on her dog's tail, lol. the dog (a labrador retriever) loves the kiddos and still gets tons of attention. heck, at her baby shower, i brought a gift for the dog as well as for the twins. it will be harder to give your pets your undivided attention of course, but it can still work. and there are lots of books that give advice about what to do to help prepare your pets.

we often have friends come over with their babies and/or toddlers, and our dog (a rottweiler) and 3 cats are used to them. one of the cats puts up with screaming 2-yr-olds pulling and smacking on him. the other 2 keep a safe distance, lol. the rottie knows not to jump and knows to sniff gently. we didn't have to teach him. he's been handled gently since the day he was born, so is very gentle himself. and since he's so big, when he was a puppy, we never let him on the furniture or anything. a dog with the potential to be large can't get that privilege in my opinion. he'd end up tearing up something and getting into trouble and not understand why he's in trouble. don't want to confuse the poor guy.

anyway, there are many ways to see how your pets would react to babies. invite a friend over who has little ones. see what your dog does with a recording of a crying baby. little steps like that make a lot of difference.

we wanted children for years and prepped our cats and dog, but alas, the best-laid plans, right? but in the end, it was good to prepare the animals. they now cope pretty well when company comes or when things get crazy around here (work, cleaning, football, etc). well, except for 1 of our cats. but she's just weird. i swear she smokes when she's stressed. i've found cigarettes, and i know they're hers. <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My dogs are all over the furniture BUT they get of when I tell them, and I have some small dogs pugs and a very non dominant big dog. My cats have never peed in the house and have been under the stress of getting new animal additions, which is why I think theyd probably be fine with the baby. They have been around kids a lot and dont seem to mind as long as they have an escape hatch. I do always take away my dogs bones and stuff and handle htem a little roughly, not to hurt, but just like dogs in a pack would do and a kid and it works. I know what you mean about the low vet tech pay I was considering that career for a while but would have starved. I get on the floor to the love the dogs too. I dont worry much about the bed becuase the dog whisperer said that in a pack all the dogs sleep together so he didnt see anything to bad about the dog in the bed. I think its just up to the owner, and the individual dog, if I had dominant dogs I woudlnt ever let htem in the bed but mine are really submissive, by nature and from training.

By the way before I got my big Norbert I was on the waiting list for a breeder for an OEM but my friend told me that Norbert was going to be put to sleep at the local shelter, he was a baby but a pit bull mix so we rescued him instead. Also where the cats in question neutered? I no that unneutered cats pee sometimes, but Ive just never seen anything like it inall the cats Ive owned so I wondered. Sorry for taking it off the topic and onto pets, I just love pets

my pets are all fixed. the male cat has urinary problems because he got him cut too early. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> so now he has to eat prescription kitty food. and since he eats it, they all eat it. that gets really expensive. grrr. but i love him. he's my boy. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wow i didnt know that could happen wiht urninary problems. I volunteered at the city shelter and they neuter spay cats at 8 wks because no one can adopt without spaying or neutering. They used to give a certificate but to many people didnt go through wiht the spaying/neutering