BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Body Image I need help!!

Laura,

I haven't written in before, and in fact, I just came upon this forum and your story tonight. It really is an inspiration and you are one tough cookie. Keep up the good work, and please keep posting. I'm sure I will be back to see what's going on with you!

Hi All,

I haven't been on here in ages as my computer is now stuffed and I haven't been bothered to get it fixed, so I am on the net at the library now.

Well, things have changed. Yesterday, I quit my job! My [censored] of a boss decided to try some moves which I wasn't happy with, so I told him to [censored] off, chucked the car keys on the desk and walked home.

I am NOT going to be treated with disrespect. I don't care what anyone says, I am not going back there with the promise that things "might" get better. They never do. He tried to tell me that if I would co-operate with him, then he would make it worth my while and increase my wages. I told him I'd prefer to be scrubbing toilets for peanuts than his sex slave.

Well that is my life to the present. Apart from that things are good. I'm now unemployed again. But at least I don't have to deal with any [censored].

Have Fun

Laura

Oh Laura! How awful! What a cr@p way to have to try to get back into the working world. But good on you for sticking up for yourself and not taking that rubbish. You do deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, especially at work.

Have you talked this through with June? Don't let any of this interfere with your recovery. It sounds like you're handling it well though. Remember not to let others (like this ex-boss) dictate how you feel about yourself.

Are you going to try to find another job, or are you sitting it out for a bit?

Keep us updated if you can.

It might sound like I am handling it well, but I am a mess. It really sucks. However, I do not regret my decision to leave.

I have decided to take a short break from work, so I can recover. It is too much to even think about looking for work at the moment. I thought I had a long enough break before. Obviously not!

June tells me pretty much what you did elle, not to let others dictate how I feel. She said it is normal to feel this way. I didn't want to be considered "normal". I just wanted a miracle cure and for all of this cr*p to diappear. But no, this is just one more obstacle that I need to overcome. I'm sick of it.

I need to be extremely careful right now and June emphasized this. Self-hate thoughts are creeping back in and I have a strong urge to forget all that I have learnt and revert back to my old ways of thinking and coping. Heck, sometimes I think that it would be a lot easier.

I need to turn those negative thoughts into positive thoughts. Or irrational to rational - whatever. I try.

Anyway, thankyou all. Sorry I'm not too exciting today. I am trying, I am and I think I am doing ok considering.

Until Next Time

Laura

Oh Laura - here's a hug for you.

Take a deep breath and try to clear your mind of any thoughts of the past or future and just focus on sensations, like a breeze and sunlight on your skin - just *be* for a while, without having to think and think and think (I don't know about you, but I sometimes have thoughts going round and round in my head and it can drive me batty.) At times like this I like to scrub my house - there's something about elbow grease and the satisfaction of a sparkling room that helps to put things in perspective for me.

One tiny step at a time.

Is your computer up and running yet? When it is, or if you have access to a computer [with sound], here's something nice for you to read - maybe this will help to give you some positive vibes. [edit - silly me: you can just read it - the sound is just music]

Laura, no matter how negatively you feel about this, remember that you did handle it, and you should feel proud of yourself. You made the decision to not accept disrespect and abuse, and you kept that promise you made to yourself. Would you have been able to do that a year ago? Think how far you've come in just 1 year.

You may feel that June was right after all, and that you really weren't ready to go back into the work environment - but that's not relevant anymore: the obstacle you were hoping to avoid happened, but you stood up for yourself, and you did handle it, you can handle this sort of thing.

Yes, it would be easier to go back to the old way of thinking, because you've had more practice. So, you have to practice positive thinking now, and eventually it will be easier to turn to the rational, positive side of yourself when you need encouragement, rather than falling back on old habits. One step at a time.

*hug*

Laura, what strength you showed in walking away from an a$$hole. No one has to put up with being harassed. I have never met one woman, not even one in my 65 years on this earth, who has not been sexually harassed at work. Sadly that says much about our society. However, your courage is shining right now. So it was not you who failed at all. It was the idiot at work.
Keep soldiering on. You are doing great!

Jan

Laura,

How are things going for you? We're thinking about you, and hope to hear from you soon!

Laurie

Is the situation that bad at work place?

Hello,

I have finally got my computer working again. Hopefully it will be be permanent this time. I am so sick of technology, but I love it and cannot live without it.

I actually left town for about a week and came back just a few days ago. I had to get out of town and be somewhere where I could think clearly. I thought it would be nice to get out of town, and 20 minutes later I started driving and ended up about five hours away in a town called Maryborough. Then I went to Fraser Island for a day and on I went to Maroochydore on the sunshine coast. I was a big mess and I probably wasn't safe driving on the roads, but I am now back home in one piece. It really is very unlike me to go away like that on the spur of the moment. I am glad I went. It was an interesting journey.

Being on the road for that time gave me an opportunity to think and reflect on the changes that have happened in my life and the rollercoaster ride that it has been. I had a lot of different emotions. I have dealt with a lot of cr*p and I began a massive life changing journey.

As I was driving, I decided to take a detour. I do not know why, but it just happened. I drove into the town where my ex has a holiday property. I had only ever been there once. I know that it was probably not a wise thing to do - but I have had troubles for a long time trying to overcome an incident that happened there about three years ago when his tenant raped me and he raped me afterwards. I know that my ex had moved up there after I got him fired from his job.

It was a strange and eerie experience. I felt terrified and I did not know why I was doing this. I drove into the street in which he lived and parked a few doors down. As I stared towards his property, I just became numb. I sat there and couldn't move and could not think. Then I just broke down. I know this was probably the most stupidest, riskiest, dumb thing that I could have done, going back there. But even though I had discussed this with my therapist and we had worked through this, it was something I wanted to do. It was the first time I had been back there since it happened.

I then started to drive down the road and had to stop. I couldn't gain control of myself. My emotions were very strong. I sat there for about an hour and waited until I had regained control of myself. I remember June had once asked me what I would do if John (my ex's tenant) was in the same room as me. I told her that I would probably kick him in the guts. But as I sat there I didn't feel angry. I just felt - this is hard to explain - it was like a release, a renewal. It was quite strange. It was both a negative and a positive experience.

Then I kept driving until I reached maryborough and stopped at the first motel I saw.

I did not do anything that night. I did not go out. I just sat there in my room and just reflected on what had happened. I started to write in my journal and just started to write about everything that had happened. I read back on some entries I had made while I was still in hospital. I could see how much I have grown in that time and that gave me strength. If I can overcome those challenges, I can overcome anything. Jobs come and go. Assholes come and go, but I can get through this.

It was at that point that I needed to talk to someone and I did not have access to a computer. I thought about my family and wondered what they were up to. So I called my parents home and my little brother answered. He is thirteen years younger than me and as I spoke, he became excited. He told me that he loved me and had missed me. I couldn't help but break down in tears. I have not spoken to my little bro in ages. It was just so nice. Then I spoke to my mum. She expressed happiness that I had called and we spoke for ages. I did not talk to her about my trip to hospital or my job. But it was just nice to talk to her as I had not spoken to her since christmas.

The next few days I decided I was going to forget everything of the first day of that trip and so I just had fun. I went to the beach. I went on a couple of tours. I just got out and experienced life. Something I have not been able to do in a long time. It was great.

Thankyou so much for your encouragement and your positive words. Right now, they are of more worth to me than anything else. Thankyou for being my friends. I am grateful for all of you and I appreciate you. I know this sounds soppy. I hope I am not sounding like an old broken record. This is just how I feel.

Thankyou again

Laura