Commonecents: You said 'I told her better to regret it then regret messing up a child's life.'
What makes you think that you would mess up a child's life? I understand that there are soo many people in this world who have had kids, who probably shouldn't have and the one suffering the consequence is the child, but as long as you educate yourself, and prepare yourself mentally, physically, financially, etc then why not have kids?"
Well, let's examine some ways I could mess up a child's life:
1. I really don't want to be a mother. I was attemtping to be one because I thought that was what you were "supposed" to do. A child would feel that and I'm sure would be affected adversely.
2. At this point in my life (45 years old), I want to travel, gain advanced degrees, explore hobbies that I could not afford when I was younger and see the world. If I were stuck being a mom, I would resent a child greatly. Again, a child would feel that.
3. I like to spend my time on me. I like sleeping late, doing exactly what I want with my time and money. (If that's considered selfish so be it.) Again, that does not bode well for nuturing another human being to adulthood.
5. I live in California and moving from my one bedroom apartment where I already pay $1,035 a month to a two bedroom apartment to accommodate a baby would be around $1,400 - $1,800/mo. Also checked around for child care and that was STARTING at $800/mo. Sorry, but I don't desire to be a broke, struggling, stressed out single mother.
6. I want to retire in my early 60's instead of having a teenager at home. (My grandmother raised me and she was in her early 60's when I was a teen. I'll just say it was not a pretty picture.)
7. I much rather have my friend's kids over on the weekends and then return them to their mothers. This gives me the opportunity to have kids in my life and gives my friends a much needed break. Full time parenting is just not for me. I am wiped out after a weekend.
So, for those and many more reasons, I've decided not to become a mother in this lifetime. I'm sure, as you stated, that if I realllllllllly wanted to be a mom, educating and preparing myself would suffice. BUT, I don't and I have to listen to the true calling of my heart.
P.S. - And everytime I was stuck home with a crying child changing a dirty diaper, I would silently say: I COULD BE IN JAMAICA.
