BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Having a child is a BIG responsiblity

Alot of couples just decide to have kids, and do not weigh out the pros, cons, and financial aspects.
Sure we all know this, but it is good to talk about it anyways.
Most couples avoid or sugercoat all the expenses, pitfalls and liabilities involved in the childrearing process.
It is very different than buying a car or a home that can be sold if one decides they do not like the situation.
I also believe the media blames society, in general, for all the problems couple's have, when in fact, it is the couple's decision's that they make that will help or hurt their future...
JMHO!

Exactly chatter! The sugarcoat thing has gotten way out of control. In anything in life, including and especially when contemplating bringing another human being into this world, you simply must consider the cons first. All of them. Isn't it amazing how society is preaching to people to think about things before they do them and consider the consequences: "Don't drink and drive", "Don't do drugs", "Don't get knocked up", "Shop around for the best car deals", "Take your time picking your mortgage lender", "Invest wisely and do your research for the best companies"...I of course could go on and on.

But when it comes to having children - Have at it!! When do you see society/media encouraging the consideration of the cons and consequences then? You don't! IVF billboards and pregnant women as advertisments for new hospitals adorn the roads and highways, perpetuating and coaxing people to reproduce. Commercials doting on motherhood and the precious babies who accompany it dominate the airwaves. Their homes always look perfect, mom is a tight sized 4, with flawless make-up and the latest fashions hugging her stretchmark-free stomach. Babies are smiling and coo'ing, in their perfect little Osh Gosh clothes, it's sunny outside and dad just walked in from work at 5 o'clock sharp happy as a lark and ready to eat the gourmet chicken florentine his lovely wife has prepared for him.

Poor people, they don't know any better but to believe all this fairy tale nonsense that's being shoved down their throats. Do your research people and get your heads out of the sand. You can never have too much OBJECTIVE information.

Fire

...the 'don't get knocked-up" one is naturally for the youngsters, just thought I'd clarify...
Fire

I find it incredibly ironic that we (society) tell kids/teens "don't get knocked up" while at the same time, glorify the "beauty" of pregancy and the "miracle of birth." And that often it's the same people doing both! The same ones who would discourage kids from having sex by telling them to abstain (like that works), but then once they get pregnant, they romanticize everything to all sunshine and roses. It's no wonder teens are so confused about sex and parenthood.

Don't the schools still have those classes in which kids practice being adults with mortgages, babies and all? As I recall, they have somethig that substitutes for a baby, like a sack of flour or something, and they have to treat it exactly as an infant. Takes the romance out, from what I understand.

Talking about not thinking things through. I got a call last week from my bestfriend who had a child a year ago via IVF at the age of 45. Now you would think that this would be a major accomplishment and she and hubby would be glad to stop at one child considering her age.

She states that it is not right to raise a child as a singleton and that they are going to adopt a child once they are back together (they are seperated). Apparently, having the one caused so much fighting and stress that they had to seperate. They are not even back together yet and she is talking about adopting a little girl all so that her son is not a singleton.

It's bad enough that she will be in her 60's when these kids are teenagers. I wanted to throw up. I tried to point out all of the singleton kids that we know (many in her own family) that turned out fine, but she is so led by what society thinks it is unreal.

Instead of focusing on the one child and getting her marriage on an even footing in my opinion she is adding to the stress by adding another child to her family and being led by emotion and not thinking this through clearly.

Hey, but what do I know, I don't have children.

I know the media paints having kids as sunny, but then they do paint everything as sunny. Not every mom I know though paints parent hood as sunny. I have one coworker who has a lot of issues with her son, some which I think are caused by her, who tells me and everyone else dont have kids. I also have another friend who has a year old baby girl and though she says she adores the daugher she also told me and my husband not to have kids cause of the responsibility. So I do think its not all sunny. Also the school I teach at has a program like haunted lady mentioned for the higher functioning special education students. The kids get a baby called baby think it over for a week and they have to take care of it during school hours only, they only have one doll and cant risk losing it. They feed it, change it, etc. The only problem is its still not like a real kid and I doubt that any teenage, never mind a teenager, with cognitive disabilities is going to stop and think about their experience with a doll before htey have unprotected sex. Still I guess its the best we can do. I think some people just think things over and some dont

Oh I also wanted to say in response to the IVF thing it is kind of crazy wiht parents in thier 60s. But I actually think that it is crazier that when I 28 went to the gynecologist, a new one I had never seen before, she asked me when I was having kids. When I said I was not sure when, I didnt feel like saying maybe never and not sure when was true, she said to me "What are you waiting for!!" Very rudely you have limited time

Of course they do --- particularly the advertising companies. Families with children are the main immediate source of consumption --- at least of the non-durable "stuff" that most kids need. Diapers, formula, onesies...notebooks, backpacks, pencil cases...ipods, twin beds-in-a-bag, laptops, ramen noodles...

My fiance and I have made a habit of decorating with a very minimal Scandinavian/Japanese style: clean lines, not a lot of tchotchkes around to get in the way of enjoying our sunny, passive-solar post-and-beam house (I don't mean to go on, but we've been here less than two years and I'm still pinching myself, I love it so much!).

For our upcoming wedding, we told people (right on the invitation) "no gifts" and instead suggested, if they insist on making a gesture of some kind, that they give to one of our favorite charities (Best Friends Animal Society and the Society for the Protection of NH Forests). People have been overwhelmingly generous in sending donations, seemingly relieved to not have to buy another toaster. (Of course, this is a second wedding for both of us --- but I've seen people on their third weddings who go ahead and not only are open to gifts, but have *showers*. The mind boggles).

It seems to me that once you get past a certin point in life, you just don't need that much "stuff". What a nightmare it would be for many companies if the majority of us were childfree!

Elise
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The media will generally underscore the sunny side of anything and everything to make sales. It's incumbent upon the public to be aware of this and make the best decsions we can in spite of that. How to do this with children? Start 'em young. My mother never, but NEVER, believed what the ads said and was quite outspoken about it. My grandparents were dubious as well and taught their kids to question and examine.

Good for you, bonsai. It sounds like you have a lovely place that you enjoy. Myself, I collect. And collect. And collect. I suspect it's a genetic case of pack-rat-itis.