BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Welcome Newbies!

I know there have been a lot of new visitors to the MNK Forum who have not felt comfortable speaking up.

Hopefully things are changing -- for the better!

Take a minute to introduce yourself to the rest of the group, so we can get to know you!

Kim
MNK Editor

Thanks, Kim! I'm relatively new here. Yes, I've seen some of the tension on the board, but it happens everywhere. I can see both sides of the situation.

As far as an intro goes, I'm 36 and have been married to DH for 13 years (together 17). I've known since I was little that I did not want kids....I just never had an interest. Thankfully, DH was apathetic about having them, but now he flat out does NOT want them. We do get a lot of people who think they can change our minds (LOL!), but as we get older, people seem to leave us alone. We both grew up in NW Pennsylvania (we graduated HS together), and have lived in NE Ohio since we've been married.

I work at a professional services firm as a Marketing and Human Resources Manager. I started here a month after I was married, so it's been 13 years. DH works in electronics and has been with his company for 15 years.

We have a kitty (Tinker), who is quite spoiled! We enjoy traveling and doing outdoor activities. I'm an avid reader and am always looking for a few spare minutes that I can get back into my books!

Currently, we are busy with our new home. We built it last year, and we still have lots of things to do (landscaping, decorating, buying furniture, etc.).

I don't have loads of on-line time, so my posts will probably be sporadic. I mostly enjoy coming here for my CF-fix! It's always good to know there are others out there like you!

Thank you, Kim. I happened on this site aomewhat by accident but it seems to be pretty decent so far. Now, for the get-to-know-you bits.

I'm 57, never married, no kids, owned by 3 cats, have worked in aerospace since the Wright brothers. Right now, I'm moving from the St. Louis area up to Grand Rapids. Though I've lived all over the U.S., I was born in Michigan and have always considered that my home. The move is happening this week.

I've never thought of not having children as any big deal. Some people have kids, some don't. It's a matter of, "To each his/her own." Generally, I find children boring after about 20 or 30 minutes but can't stand to see or hear of them being harmed. I doubt I'll ever understand the more militant CF because I see no reason for their militancy and wonder if they don't bring childed versus non-childed problems on themselves in some way. Many are just plain hypocritical, in my opinion. I like to chat with people who aren't likely to focus on kids and who are willing and able to engage in rational, intelligent discourse on many subjects.

Hobbies and interests are varied. Some I pursue more than others because of time and funding. I love to read, enjoy movies, antiques, art, theater, horses, cats, gardening, especially roses, needlework (hardanger, cross stitch, crewel, etc.), architecture, home decorating (or what I think is home decorating; matter of opinion, usually)and exploring new places.

Anything you want to know and I left out, ask.

Hi thankyou Kim. I am a relatively young married woman, 28. I am trying to make up my mind about hte kid thing, not 100% sure either way. I am a teacher of children with severe disabilities and I love kids, but I also have a good idea of the responsibility that is involved. I really enjoy my childfree life and dont want to have kids unless I feel a really strong pull to do so. There is lots of pressure in society though, people I work with tell me all the time but you have to have kids your so good with them, and I like looking at this website because it gives people a glimpse of another way to live. I dont really understand people who are vehemently anti kid either but to each his own. I also dont really understand people who have lots of kids, like three or more. I have three dogs and three cats and they are my babies now. I would love to have even more animals. Animals are my main interests and I like cooking, reading, and movies. I like that this is a positive sight.

Hi, I'm new, 32, married to my husband for just over 2 years. He knew on our first date that I wasn't about to birth no babies and lucky me, he never wanted kids either. He didn't realize there was actually a choice in the matter until he met me. He'd just resigned himself to the fact that he'd have to suck it up and deal at some point.

We live in a north Atlanta suburb with 13 animals (yes, all inside) - 5 cats, 3 dogs, 3 turtles, a snake and an 8" plecostomus. Most of them were rescues, we're suckers. They're awesome and we love it. Even if everything is covered in hair all the time.

I'm an artist who decided to go to art school last year. I do everything backwards. For instance I learned to repair sewing machines before I learned to sew. Par for the course. My hobbies are vast and I don't [email]half-@ss[/email] any of them. I knit, crochet, make lace, temari, draw, paint, sculpt, make miniatures, lampwork, jewelry and, most recently, sew. I'm also a video game junkie (and am majoring in game art in fact) and a SAHW who somehow, has managed to land a husband who ends up doing most of the housework even though I'm the one who's home all day. Why no, I don't mind my life one bit <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's nice to 'meet' you all. We're in crunch time at school, final projects abound, so I may not be a prolific poster as a matter of course, but I'm a class A lurker!

Hello! After reading several posts, I'm beginning to relate to the feelings of 'relief' that there are others out there like me. I'm a 30 yr old computer techie working in California. I've been divorced for 2 1/2 years and I'm currently dating a divorced father of three. I truly love this man, but dealing with the link that ties him to his past is just plain HARD.

The truth is that I have had my periods in life when I wanted kids and I've had periods in my life when I did not. I love kids, I've always been told that I'm great with kids and I've never had a problem lending an ear to kids, regardless of age. Not having children has been by choice and part of that choice is based on one of the other forum topics, overpopulation. I can't even begin to describe how disappointed I am in the so-called 'smartest mammal'. Some of us �smart mammals� decided that a three and four child family is acceptable. Aren't we supposed to be intellectually superior? As an animal lover, obviously I don't think that's true, but technically speaking, we are supposed to be one-upping our fellow mammals' brain cell activities. Yet here we are - popping out kids like they were Pez candy.

Yes, it's definitely relieving to know that there are people out there who have chosen to go against their nature as animals to not have children. It's hard, I won't lie. My deepest instincts tell me that I'm missing something. But I truly think that over half of that feeling stems from the relationship that I am currently in. My boyfriend is NATURALLY happy that I don't want children. How lucky for him. He's been clipped, so that pretty much helps me out, right? He's already fulfilled his need to have kids, so that helps me out, right? His ex still gets to talk to the man she's SO sorry she lost in the first place for the 'sake of the children', so that helps me out, right? I think the biggest draw to this site originated from me asking my boyfriend "where exactly can I go where there aren't so many mommies rubbing it in my face??" He's very supportive of my feelings, don't get me wrong. He tells me I'm beautiful and he tries desperately hard to make me happy - yet I feel neglected every time he talks to HIS children or HIS ex-wife. I feel left in the dust. I�m pretty sure that these feelings are driving me mad. I�m stressed almost every single day. I don�t want to give up on a man who loves me just because I have a hard time �getting over it�, but doggone it! I don�t really have a shoulder to cry on, do I? I could talk all day to co-workers who don�t truly care about my feelings. I could talk to females at work, 90% of whom already have kids. I could talk to professionals whose job it is to tell me everything is ok regardless of their own feelings. I�m not na�ve; I�m not easily fooled into thinking someone genuinely cares about what I�m feeling. I�m in that �rock and a hard place� area of life and I�m hoping this forum is the right place to reach out. If there are others in my position, who better to relate to how I feel and who better to actually care? Thanks for reading, sorry for the �book� of a reply�

~ j*

Hey TCJ,

My fiance is the step-father of a 24-year old whom he raised as his own daughter from the age of 4, when he married her mother (her bio-dad was a real dud who skipped town).

I had *traces* of the unsettled feeling you describe here when I first started dating him, and by that time his step-daughter was already 20! Further, my fiance is the step-father, not the true bio-dad, which makes me the...what?...step-mother-once-removed? In your case, you man is the actual bio-dad and you're looking at whether or not to become a bona fide step-mom to his three kids (you don't mention their ages).

It certainly shook my rock-solid "I won't have to deal with kids" POV when his step-daughter got pregnant last year and give birth last month. We were both deeply ambivalent about this child being born (his step-daughter dropped out of school, got a job serving shots at a bar, met a loser boyfriend, and *bam* --- pregnant --- without, seemingly, any thought about what would come next.

She gave up her newly-acquired, hard-won first apartment (after being there only a few months) and moved back in with her mother, Patsy; loser boyfriend came along, too. This all happened right around the time her mother was getting re-married. Patsy's new groom still hasn't figured out what's hit him; he didn't bargain for any of this, but he doesn't seem able to stand up for himself, either. He himself is the divorced dad of a 10 year old girl, who is with them on weekends.

I like Gina (the step-daughter) very much, but I was and am completely unwilling to even consider that she would impinge on our quiet home the way she did on her mother. It was only after Rob promised me that she would not be moving in here, no matter what, that I had some peace of mind. Gina, the loser boyfriend, and the baby (now almost two months old) are all living in *very* cramped quarters at Patsy's.

I have been unable to conceal from Rob the sheer disappointment I feel in Gina, who left college less than a year short of a degree in fashion mechandising (she'd wanted to be a buyer for a dept. store) to just cash in her chips this way. She seems to legitimately enjoy the baby --- so that's good. But her relationship with loser boyfriend is deteriorating, it seems. Honestly, I don't think he would have stuck around even as long as he has, except for the fact that the baby is a boy. Big-time macho thing going on with him.

Just what the world needs --- another fatherless little boy...Rob is disappointed by it, too. But he will step up and be there for the kid, as a grandfather. I just want to make sure that he is really only giving of his time and love, and not so much of his wallet...he had co-signed a loan with Gina on her car, and she's taken advantage of that by not making payments on time and not even telling him, putting his credit rating at risk. All of this followed on his getting raked over the coals by Patsy in divorce court (she was a credit-card spend-a-holic and really drained him, financially; he's a lot more careful with his money).

There's another "book" for ya!

Welcome to MNK,

Elise

Hi everyone!

I'm pretty new around here myself, and just thought I would say hello to all of you! HEELLOOO! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This past July I got married! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Very happy about that!! We don't have kids... yet. We would like to wait until we buy a house, which is still a few years away. Our idea is to have at least one child. But no more than 2. It would be ideal to have twins! lol... I've always wanted to have kids. And so has my husband. It's just something I (we) have always looked forward to (even before we met eachother). I love family, and kids, and all that stuff! lol... Anyways, that's all <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Take care all of you! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad to see so many of you posting -- some for the first time!

It will be great to generate new conversations and create another layer of support for all of us!!

Kim
MNK Editor

I agree!

I love reading what people have to say on so many topics. It's great!