BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Family relations

Here's another thing which some may find odd. Even though we are CF, our extended family is extremely important to us. We are close to sibs on both sides as well as their children. He comes from a very large, close (nutty) family who are all very involved in each other's lives. Most of them still live in the same town - we are 3 hrs away. While we've pulled away from some of the drama (b/c of the dysfunction), we do still enjoy spending time with them. This includes aunts/uncles, cousins, and their kids. We really like spending time with the kids, just don't want them to live with us.

The down side is that they know we have discretionary income. We've been happy to help his sibs/cousins when they need something. But his disabled brother tends to take advantage of DH's soft spot for him. And b/c they are all so close (in each other's business), they try to suck us into the family drama, etc. Sometimes I wonder if we had our own little family to focus on that we'd avoid some of these things. (Well for one, we'd be too broke to help out.)

So I'm curious about others. Are you especially close with your families? How do you think being CF influences your relationships with them?

We're all extremely close. But, my SO--he's an investments guy--helped put together a family fund. Anyone can access it. Usually its for education related expenses. We have a committee and they review requests for funds.

I would say it's very important to be close with our extended families since "we're all going to be so lonely" one day!

TBunny, I can definitely relate with you on the discretionary income issue. My side of the family is very well off, all highly educated, all have good jobs, nice homes, etc... while my husbands side of the family are a bunch of losers. My husband is the only one in his family with a college degree and a great job and that's because I made him go to college while we were still teenagers and dating. Both of his sisters are ex-drug addicts, high school dropouts with multiple divorces, fatherless children and minimum wage jobs. Which is why I made it a point to move away from their town when we first got married. They are constantly asking us for stuff. I try to avoid socializing with them as much as possible because I know it's always going to cost me money, clothes, shoes, etc. How much is enough? When do I tell them to get a life???

Geez, tangent!

I'm extremely close to both my parents and my in-laws. My husband and I are both only children, so it makes for a very cozy family. I love getting together with all off of them on a regular basis. I'm somewhat close to relatives on my parents side, but my husband doesn't particularly care for his extended family. The way some of his relatives' children behaves is a good example of how kids are spoiled rotten today and get everything their way...they haven't turned out very well. One of his cousins got arrested for shoplifting not too long ago.

I don't know if my being CF affects the relationship, except possibly with my mother. I think it's made us closer and have a more honest relationship.

I have considered that maybe one day, one of his cousins might take advantage of the our discretionary income (this cousin mooches off her own parents and anyone else she can con) but I don't think it's likely.

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I'm really impressed that your family has a joint investment account set up. Usually the issue of money divides families, but it sounds like it's worked well for your family!

Touche'...

1. The "we're all going to be so lonely one day" comment was a joke, hence the "quotation marks". I wrote it because I figured it was one of the most common things we've all heard at one time or another, you know, just like "you're selfish". It was said sarcastically... which is funny, I thought you were keen to my sarcastic side. I guess not yet.

2. I've been with my husband for 16 years... I know his family inside and out and I have lived through almost 2 decades of his older sisters never-ending stupid decisions, laziness, and screwups. He agrees with everything I say about them because he's not like them.

3. As for showing kindness, tell me how the thousands, yes, thousands of dollars we've already shelled out can possibly be perceived as unkindness... how many times have we paid to get electricity and heat turned back on, telephone lines reconnected, groceries, clothes, you name it, I've paid for it. While they're irresponsibly getting knocked up, I'M buying their maternity clothes for them. I'm 31 and constantly bailing out a 42 and 43 year old. I'm so unkind.

If you'd like to take your chances and adopt them as your sister-in-laws you are more than welcome! Believe me! That's not sarcastic, I really mean it! I'll give you their phone numbers!

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No worries, I can definitely see how the limited info I gave in the first post could be misconceived as me being cold and heartless! My fault. Kissed and made up. <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" />

Now, if you could help me come up with a good excuse for blowing off "in-law movie trivia night" next Friday, that'd be fab... <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

i'm close to my mom and dad. that's it. my husband isn't really close to his family. he left home when he was 15, and never spoke to his mom again. but last year (23 years later), his brother died suddenly, and we went to the funeral and saw him mom. very stressful, but it went well. she's called twice since then. he's not close to his dad either, but his dad lives near us with the stepmom.

i'm not a fan of my brother. sorry. he blames most of his problems on his kids, when it's obvious they aren't the cause of everything bad that has happened to him. but it is just easier for him to blame them than to take responsibility for his mistakes. i don't speak to him much because i don't have money to loan him. he mooches off my parents, and it saddens me because they are so desperate to spend time with him and the grandkids (he gets them on wednesdays and sundays, yeah, divorced), that they'll give him pretty much whatever he wants. it's so sad. his ex-wife uses my niece and nephew as collateral a lot of the time, so i don't get to see them much.

basically, family stinks sometimes. i love my parents and talk to them every day. during the summer (i teach, so i'm off for june and july), i try to visit them as much as possible because time with them is precious.

i'm not too worried anymore about having no one there for me when i'm old. i used to worry about it, but after seeing how my uncle treated my grandmother and grandfather when they were dying, well, sometimes having family is actually harmful. i just hope we things in order to have someone there to help us make decisions and get ourselves taken care of.

i do worry about my husband though. the thought of him being alone worries me. but i don't want him to remarry if something happens to me. it's hard to explain. :?