BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Miscarriage

Hi everyone I am new to the board. I just found last Thursday that I am carrying a baby that has been gone for 4 weeks. I knew something was wrong, I was not feeling very well last week and I some spotting for the last 3 weeks. I called my doctor and he got me in right away. He did a vaginal ultra sound, since this would have been my second baby I knew right away something was wrong, I saw the fetus but not a heartbeat. I was stunned and could not ask many questions, I nodded my head a lot.

Now that I have had some time to absorb, I can't keep the lump out of my throat. I am hoping these posting may help me to know others have gone through the same. I am having light bleeding right now, and I hoping it will pass naturally, but knowing it is still in me is killing me. I don't want to have a D&C right away. Could you tell me..is it painful when it passes? Or is it like a very heavy period with cramping. I have heard people being unable to move and sitting on the bathroom floor, I am scared of the unknown.

Does anyone know when I could start trying again? Do I have to wait until I have a normal period again or can I start once I am done bleeding?

Thank you in advance for your opinions and helpful words during this trying time.

Shannon [color:"green"] [/color]

Hi Shannie,

So sorry to hear about your loss, it is really difficult to hear the news. I have just had two miscarriages, one in May that passed naturally at seven weeks, and another in August at 8 weeks. The first miscarriage started with some spotting, the second was discovered at 8 weeks at my first prenatal visit when I had my first ultrasound. We waited a week to make sure that we did not see anything due to miscalculation of my due date. No bleeding or other indications, my body still "thought" that it was pregnant.

My doctor discussed the option of letting it pass naturally or scheduling a D&C for the second miscarriage. I was so upset I could not make a decision that day. The following week I went in for the D&C. I found it more difficult with the first miscarriage when it passed naturally. I had contractions, and pretty heavy bleeding, and the D&C was quicker and b/c I did not have to live through the symptoms of the natural miscarriage, the D&C was easier for me to deal with. It is really an individual decision, but god forbid it happens again, I would probably opt for the D&C.

We do not have any children yet, but the hardest thing for me to cope with is the fact that my body could defy me in so many ways. We are currently in the process of taking many tests to see if we can find anything, but all have come back negative so far.

Please do not lose hope and keep trying!
Jennifer

Jennifer,

Thank you so much for your response. I am sorry that you had to go through the pain of two miscarriages. Keep trying, I will be trying again soon. Guess we still have to wait for that perfect angel, the best is yet to come.

Shannon

Hi, Shannon,

i'm new to the board, too. I just experienced my 3rd miscarriage in the past week. i had a D&C 2 days ago. You are going to experience a lot of emotions, and the time you will feel like trying again will really depend on you. With my last miscarriage, i experienced anger, depression, and tried to distance myself from babies and the talk of. It seemed like longer, but we tried again a couple months later. That try just ended up in another miscarriage. I don't know why but this time i'm handling it much better. I have a lot of unanswered questions. We are waiting for test results to help us piece together the puzzle of why we are not having viable pregnancies.

I would definitely recommend having a D&C. Miscarrying at home is painful--it's bearable usually, but I found that the physical pain kept reminding me of my emotional pain.

I would recommend a lot of prayers, and talk a lot to family and friends. Some things they say will not help at all, but some things they say will benefit you.

Good luck, and God bless.

Debra Jo

Hi, I am also new to the board. I just had my 2nd miscarriage this week. I had a D&C four days ago. I was actually surprised to find that I was in less pain after the D&C than I was before.

With my first miscarriage, I was not far along and so I didn't even really know what was happening and it passed naturally. But this one, with a D&C, it has been so different and the emotional toll feels unbearable at times.

I am having a hard time just doing simple things like going to the grocery store. I know things will get better with time but the hard part is that I am not getting a lot of emotional support from my husband or family. I just feel like I am walking through this difficult journey by myself. If anyone has any suggestions on how I could get my husband especially, to understand what I am going through emotionally I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks and many blessings,

Ashleigh

Hi - same thing just happened to me. The baby died at 8 weeks and I carried it to 11 weeks before finding out. Knowing other women that this has happened to really has helped. I went ahead with the D&C right away because i've heard that when you get your uterus cleaned out properly sometimes it makes for a better start next time. I was scared about the fact that they'd be forcing my cervix open, but everything went fine. I was put to sleep and felt a little pain afterward. As soon as I woke up I cried and my first question was if they had seen the fetus. I'm sure the doctors must have thought i was nuts. But i was a little groggy. Anyway, greiving is so important to me right now. I'm writing a poem/song type thing about how i feel. I haven't decided if i should name this "child" because it just hit me today that the next time around it won't be the same child. It'll be a different one. That's bizarre.
It's scary to think about going through this ever again, and my heart really goes out to anyone who has had to repeat this experience.
FYI i just met a woman who is 41 and finally having a successful pregnancy after losing 3. They discovered that her THYROID was the problem! But attention: This was a thyroid problem that could not be detected when the hcg hormone was not present in her body. This is something very interesting to me. All her thyriod tests were normal when she wasn't pregnant so they never suspected it. Then she would miscarry and of course they never tested her thyroid while she was pregnant. Only when a doctor simulated the pregnacy by injecting hcg and then testing her thyroid did they get the problem under control.
love to all of you, as we go through this together.

ashleigh - i just read your post in more detail so will post again. I know it's terribly hard because men just don't get anything about what women feel. Personally i think it's pretty impossible to make them understand. I've just had to accept that my husband sees this as a statistics game and to him there was only a 60% chance that all of this would work out. So when it didn't, he was o.k. with it! They don't feel what we do because their bodies weren't changing every day. They don't realize that you've just had all your excitement for the future ripped away from you and now you don't know what to focus your attention on. My only advice to you sounds really dumb but just try to tell him how you feel and ask him to listen, but make sure he knows that you don't expect him to understand everything or to feel the way that you do. Let him know that he could really help you out maybe by making some other plans with you, helping you create other things that you can look forward to in the near future. Plan a little weekend trip or a project around the house together or something. I'm realizing how helpful that is because i just happened to have some things already planned that I knew i'd have a hard time doing if i were pregnant. So when i found out i wasn't pregnant anymore, even if each day i feel the pain and i feel like everything i was looking forward to was destroyed, it does really help me to remember that now may be the chance to do those other things i wanted to do like get in better physical shape, take a trip back home, etc. And then if i feel like trying for another baby, i'll be stronger and feel like i've accomplished something in the meantime.
Lots of love

Hi Shannon
The same thing happened to me in April. I was 18weeks but my baby had died at about 15. I was given a tablet to induce labour. My contractions started the next day. I think though that this option (although I wasn't actually asked) is only when the baby's a little bigger, I'm not sure how many weeks you were. Although I delivered my baby (unfortunately on the toilet at home) my baby remained attached to the placenta which remained inside, after over 5 hours in the delivery suit I was sent down to surgery for a D&C. The who experience has been very traumatic...but you do start to heal both physically and mentally (or so I'm assured). I did not suffer any continued bleeding after, as many other women have mentioned.
I wish you well and hope that you start your journey to recovery soon. My thoughts are with you.
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