BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage How young is too young to marry?

I married for the first time when I was 19 and I think it was partly to be "grown up" and leave home. I could have just gone to university (duh <img src="/images/graemlins/tongue2.gif" alt="" />). My husband and I did both attend university after the wedding, and I am grateful that I made that good decision at least. However, we did accidentally get pregnant two years later (a statistical improbability but a reality nonetheless)and had a daughter. That kept us together for a few more years, but the truth was that we were still growing up. By the time we separated, he was like my brother... not someone I was remotely interested in spending my life with (apologies to my real brother... you know what I mean). We have each remarried and together have raised a really wonderful young woman who is herself now married and a mother. I saw her go through countless guys she was CERTAIN were going to be the eternal loves of her life (if I had 5 cents for every time I heard "he's the nicest guy in the world" ...) I encouraged her to wait and see, wait and see. There's so much a woman misses if she marries too young. 25+ in my opinion is when one really starts to get a good idea of the values and needs one will take into their life. Wait and see, right?

Marriage and age is a interesting subject. people who marry late also file for divorces. people who marry early grow together in life.

This is a great discussion! My new article, online in Marriage tomorrow morning, deals with "Are Ready for Marriage?" <img src="/images/graemlins/lovers.gif" alt="" />

Give it a read and chime in with your opinion on being "ready" for marriage ...at any age!!

That's a hard question to answer. A lot of it depends on maturity. That's hard to tell though because a lot of young girls want to think they're mature when they're really not. If you're under 18, you're too young to marry. I really do believe that it is best to get through college first. Like someone else said, sow your seeds and don't have children too young, especially if you are not mature enough to raise children right. Have fun with your young life and then you can look for love. For some people, though, like me, I had all the fun I could stand as a teenager. I think I grew up faster than most people do. I sowed every seed I had as a teenager, which, of course, is bad and something teenagers should not do. But, I did, so by the time I hit 19 I was ready to settle down and stop being wild. Even though I hung with a lot of people, I was a lonely person. I happened to meet another person in need of companionship and we fell in love. I am almost 21 now and we are married and have a daughter, who is 9 months. My husband, however, is 33 so he has already sowed his seeds and everything like that. Everything's perfect for us. Okay, I guess I'm not the best example, but I have never been happier in my life. What can I say? For very few people it works out that way.

I married my man when I was a month away from 20, and he was 22. We've been married 20 plus years, but it was hard on us, growing up together. Neither of us had lived on our own before getting married, and I know it would have helped me tremendously if I would've moved away from home first. On the other hand, the last 10 years or so have been wonderful, ups and downs of course, but it just keeps getting better. We both say, look at what we would have missed if we had "thrown in the towel" when the going was tough. It does make a difference when both are committed to making a marriage work.

What an interesting topic! I love all your opinions! I believe that there are many factors when it comes to being ready for marriage. I don't think that you can say age is the deciding factor. People grow up at different points in their lives. I believe that it ultimately depends on your experience with relationships, your maturity, what marriage is to you, your reasons for getting married, etc etc etc. I guess generally experience and maturity comes with age, but some people experience a whole lot more earlier on in life. It also has to do with what you believe your priorities are. Some people are career driven and that is more important to have that established before a marriage, where as others see them as equally important, and others see marriage as more important. It absolutely depends on the couple. I know people who waited to get married until their 30's and they have more financial difficulties and marriage problems than people I know who got married in their early 20's. I was 14 when I started "dating"... And I had about 3 year long relationships and dealt with alot of things in my life that most 10 year olds and 15 year olds don't have to deal with (I know many children have to deal with more than I did) But my point is that I grew up faster than most people I know. I was always the ones giving my friends relationship advice. The things I've been through in my life has taught me a lot, and it made me grow up and mature very quickly. My parents split up when I was 17 and I had to do everything for myself. That's just around the time I met the man I recently married. We were friends for a few months, then started dating shortly after I was 18, moved in together 6 months later, 2 1/2 years later we got engaged and a year later we got married. In the last 3 1/2 years of our relationship we have dealt with so much, so many ups and downs, and every time it just makes us stronger. We got married back in July of this year and I don't think that we are too young. However, if we had not lived the lives we did, then we would not be ready for this life long adventure together. I think our relationship progressed quickly if you look at how soon we moved in together etc, but for US it was not too fast, and we weren't/aren't too young for where we are at. We are very mature people for our ages. I am 21 and he is 25 and we do just fine together, financially, in supporting eachother, dealing with the many issues relationships come across, and in learning about ourselves and eachother together. But my opinion is that it depends on your life experiences; whether you are 17, 25, 39 or 63. I mean some people live very sheltered lives until they are 30 and have no clue about relationships. This is a topic Im sure most of us could go on and on about. But Im just gonna stop here. Sorry about my babbling. But I loved reading all of your thoughts <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What an interesting topic! I love all your opinions! I believe that there are many factors when it comes to being ready for marriage. I don't think that you can say age is the deciding factor. People grow up at different points in their lives. I believe that it ultimately depends on your experience with relationships, your maturity, what marriage is to you, your reasons for getting married, etc etc etc. I guess generally experience and maturity comes with age, but some people experience a whole lot more earlier on in life. It also has to do with what you believe your priorities are. Some people are career driven and that is more important to have that established before a marriage, where as others see them as equally important, and others see marriage as more important. It absolutely depends on the couple. I know people who waited to get married until their 30's and they have more financial difficulties and marriage problems than people I know who got married in their early 20's. I was 14 when I started "dating"... And I had about 3 year long relationships and dealt with alot of things in my life that most 10 year olds and 15 year olds don't have to deal with (I know many children have to deal with more than I did) But my point is that I grew up faster than most people I know. I was always the ones giving my friends relationship advice. The things I've been through in my life has taught me a lot, and it made me grow up and mature very quickly. My parents split up when I was 17 and I had to do everything for myself. That's just around the time I met the man I recently married. We were friends for a few months, then started dating shortly after I was 18, moved in together 6 months later, 2 1/2 years later we got engaged and a year later we got married. In the last 3 1/2 years of our relationship we have dealt with so much, so many ups and downs, and every time it just makes us stronger. We got married back in July of this year and I don't think that we are too young. However, if we had not lived the lives we did, then we would not be ready for this life long adventure together. I think our relationship progressed quickly if you look at how soon we moved in together etc, but for US it was not too fast, and we weren't/aren't too young for where we are at. We are very mature people for our ages. I am 21 and he is 25 and we do just fine together, financially, in supporting eachother, dealing with the many issues relationships come across, and in learning about ourselves and eachother together. Our relationship isn't "perfect" but we keeping learning from eachother, and that's what it important to us. We work together well. My opinion is that it depends on your life experiences; whether you are 17, 25, 39 or 63. I mean some people live very sheltered lives until they are 30 and have no clue about relationships. This is a topic Im sure most of us could go on and on about. But Im just gonna stop here. Sorry about my babbling. But I loved reading all of your thoughts <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

(sorry I dont know why that posted twice! I was editing it but I guess it posted before I realized it!)

One more thing to add:

I think it also depends on what things your relationship has had to deal with. I mean being together for only a year I dont think that you could be ready for marriage if you're 15 or 74 years old. I believe that your relationship has to go through some ups and downs and get past the "exciting beginning" before your relationship is even ready to consider marriage.

That's all now! I'm done <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

In my opinion age is less of an issue than timing, maturity and commitment.