logo
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 94
C
Amoeba
Offline
Amoeba
C
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 94
I'm just glad to hear that others do their own vaca. I've always gotten strange responses. Why would my husband want to come hang out with me and my friends? not his cup of tea, why would I make him. I think its our independence that keeps us together. I'm not looking to have a baby so I can take someone with me when I go out. I prefer to go to the movies by myself rather than put up with that.

I wonder if couples get married and have kids, because that's the only thing they truly have in common. Or if they have the babies so soon, they never really get to know each other. Sad really.



Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha
Sponsored Post Advertisement
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 742
Gecko
Offline
Gecko
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 742
Coffee, that's kind of my theory, too. My parents and a lot of my mom's friends have gotten divorced after their kids were grown because it's the only thing they had in common. Once there are no more sports/school events to attend, family vacations to plan, etc., they don't have anything else.

I've never understood the push to add a baby to the first year or two of marriage, either. They don't say the first year's the hardest for nothin'! Even after we'd lived together, it was still a learning/adjusting period. With us, it was mostly how his family related to me and to us as a couple (basically that they felt free to interfere). But it was also how we related to each other, made decisions, defined priorities, etc. Plus I had huge identity issues to work though. I can't imagine adding a baby into that.

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 479
Gecko
Offline
Gecko
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 479
I guess considering that my ex and I were each other's best friend, it wasn't all that weird for us to spend a lot of time together. In addition, all of our friends were mutual friends, so there wasn't really any separate spending time with friends going on.

If I were in a more independent relationship, I could see that happening for me, but he and I pretty much got on so well that we could stand to be around each other a lot and it didn't grate.

In future, if I were to have a relationship, I think I'd like, at least in theory, to have a more independent one...not that I wouldn't want my SO to be my best friend, but I don't think I'd want to even see them every day or something; my ex and I were very close because we were together so much and vice versa, and I think it was too close. It hurt too much when it ended. In practice, I'm probably more high-maintenance than that and I would indeed want to be closer, but who knows. And then again, I'm sure this attitude comes out of the fact that I don't ever again want a relationship that's even remotely serious, so spending time apart would be fine and in fact even safer.

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498
Gecko
Offline
Gecko
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498
Quote:
Coffee, that's kind of my theory, too. My parents and a lot of my mom's friends have gotten divorced after their kids were grown because it's the only thing they had in common. Once there are no more sports/school events to attend, family vacations to plan, etc., they don't have anything else.

I've never understood the push to add a baby to the first year or two of marriage, either. They don't say the first year's the hardest for nothin'! Even after we'd lived together, it was still a learning/adjusting period. With us, it was mostly how his family related to me and to us as a couple (basically that they felt free to interfere). But it was also how we related to each other, made decisions, defined priorities, etc. Plus I had huge identity issues to work though. I can't imagine adding a baby into that.


[color:"blue"] I agree. [/color]


If motherhood doesn't interest you, don't do it. It didn't interest me, so I didn't do it. Anyway, I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn't do what I wanted, I'd kill him."
--Katherine Hepburn
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 144
I
Jellyfish
Offline
Jellyfish
I
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 144
"I've never understood the push to add a baby to the first year or two of marriage, either. They don't say the first year's the hardest for nothin'! Even after we'd lived together, it was still a learning/adjusting period."

I agree. Even if you plan to have kids, why have them instantly? I saw something once somewhere (in a magazine or on tv, I don't remember) that said in a marriage, you need to make the marriage your first priority, not the kids. And that's good for the kids, too, to see that the husband/wife relationship is so important to you. Nowadays, it seems like many couples make the child/ren the priority. Then when the children are grown, the parents no longer seem to know what to talk about. So if you throw a baby in right away, that's going to make things so much more difficult right from the beginning.

Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 91
Amoeba
Offline
Amoeba
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 91
The glue is no kids and money invested into other vehicles.
We have our seperate hobbies, and our joint hobbies.
The world has so much to offer than just adding more people and human waste to it! IMHO!

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498
Gecko
Offline
Gecko
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498
Quote:
"I've never understood the push to add a baby to the first year or two of marriage, either. They don't say the first year's the hardest for nothin'! Even after we'd lived together, it was still a learning/adjusting period."

I agree. Even if you plan to have kids, why have them instantly? I saw something once somewhere (in a magazine or on tv, I don't remember) that said in a marriage, you need to make the marriage your first priority, not the kids. And that's good for the kids, too, to see that the husband/wife relationship is so important to you. Nowadays, it seems like many couples make the child/ren the priority. Then when the children are grown, the parents no longer seem to know what to talk about. So if you throw a baby in right away, that's going to make things so much more difficult right from the beginning.


[color:"blue"] I guess they don't want your marriage to last do they? Or are they really ignorant and seriously think some "baby" is going to save it? Many divorces have happened over children, not just money. And I DON'T mean the whole, she wanted one/ he didn�t scenario. Kids are NOT relationship glue. Instead they are a definate relationship breaker. [/color]

Last edited by WaterLily3422; 08/21/06 12:56 AM.

If motherhood doesn't interest you, don't do it. It didn't interest me, so I didn't do it. Anyway, I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn't do what I wanted, I'd kill him."
--Katherine Hepburn
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,382
C
Chipmunk
Offline
Chipmunk
C
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,382
<img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 742
Gecko
Offline
Gecko
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 742
It always kills me when a man talks about his wife and the first thing out of his mouth is "she's a great mom." As if she's no longer a great wife or friend or lover or whatever she was before. It's like saying the only way he sees her is as a baby-maker, baby-caretaker.

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 115
M
Jellyfish
Offline
Jellyfish
M
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 115
My sister had a baby 8 weeks ago. She has always had a good relationship with her husband, he's good around the house and an all-round good guy. Since she's had the baby, she's been at home on maternity leave. She does all the night-time feeds during the week, and the housework during the day. She's exhausted all the time, and can't understand how he can sleep through the baby's night-time crying. They're having a hard time renegotiating the 'rules' of their relationship to cope with this new complication.
And they thought long and hard before having a child!
Do women realise that they'll be expected to fall into traditional gender roles once children are born? This guy is really nice, but even he expects his wife to do like his mother did!
I don't see any improvement in the relationship; but i do see my sister having to compromise an awful lot. And lose herself a bit in the process. It's a scary thing to see.

Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4

Link Copied to Clipboard
Brand New Posts
Psalm for the day
by Angie - 08/10/25 06:58 PM
Sewing Pattern Mysteries
by Cheryl - Sewing Editor - 08/06/25 01:47 PM
Canadian Film "The Auction" - New Review
by Angela - Drama Movies - 08/02/25 03:15 PM
Easy Sewing Projects for Beginning Sewers
by Cheryl - Sewing Editor - 07/31/25 10:38 AM
Lining Pocket Surprise
by Cheryl - Sewing Editor - 07/23/25 05:45 PM
"Mother of Mine" - WWII Drama from Finland
by Angela - Drama Movies - 07/20/25 12:48 AM
Cinema Nomad - New Show for World Cinema Lovers
by Angela - Drama Movies - 07/20/25 12:35 AM
Summer Tie-dyeing Options
by Cheryl - Sewing Editor - 07/16/25 02:13 PM
Sponsor
Safety
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!
Privacy
This forum uses cookies to ensure smooth navigation from page to page of a thread. If you choose to register and provide your email, that email is solely used to get your password to you and updates on any topics you choose to watch. Nothing else. Ask with any questions!


| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2022 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.


Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5