BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids The "glue" that holds you together...

I can only speak for myself, but my husband and I have been married for almost 3 years now, and we've spent these first years of our marriage living in Europe. Going through this experience together - all the good and bad things about it - has been very good for us in terms of showing us what we can endure together. There are certainly trying times when you live in a country where you don't speak the language. But having him with me makes makes it easier. And living here has made us both stronger individuals as well.

It makes me wonder how our marriage would be different if we spent these years in the States and weren't living abroad.

So many good ideas and thoughts! One thing I like about these boards is that people aren't afraid to talk!

I absolutely agree with those of you who say you shouldn't have kids to keep your marriage together. I would rather get a divorce than get pregnant!

My husband and I do a lot of things together, and we give each other our space, too. We're both pretty independent people and couldn't stand to be with someone who's clingy and needs to be together all the time. I think that sometimes we get lost in our own little worlds, and have to remind ourselves to come up for air and say hello to each other! But as several of you pointed out, when you spend a little time apart, you have more to talk about when you get back together. It's really quite a balancing act at times!

I don't know if it's the "glue" but DH and I are a really good "team." It's a yin/yang - his strengths support my weakness and vice versa. Sure, we've had a couple of bumps where we've gotten out of sync and each was a little too focused on our individual thing. Still though, where one was being a lunatic and ready to throw in the towel, the other was digging in and getting to the root of the problem. We'll be married 12 years in Sept. I think we both take a lot of pride in being role models to our sibs and nieces/nephews for our education, careers, and marriage.

We are also involved in volunteer work, community service, professional events, etc. And very dedicated to our extended family as well.

BTW, at present, DH is three states away on a project assignment and won't be home for 30-45 days (not even weekends). I miss him, but not in a weepy-can't-live-without-him way. If anything, he's a little lost just b/c he's the one away from home. I'm getting some interesting reactions when people hear that this was a voluntary assignment, though!

Whenever I watch a show like "Survivor" and one of the contestants says something like, "I've never been away from my wife/husband this long....boo hoo" after they've only been gone a week, I always think it's the strangest thing. Seriously? You've never gone off on your own or with friends? But I guess that's pretty common. I know I got strange reactions when I went to Miami last year for a couple weeks to hang out with a friend of mine. People were so shocked that my husband wasn't going with me. But my parents both traveled quite a bit for work (separately) when I was growing up, so I guess I thought that was the norm. And my mom went to Europe for six weeks with her best friend last summer and my dad missed her but he didn't freak out. They're still very much in love after all this time, but they're both independent people and I think the fact that they don't live in each other's back pocket contributes to that (for them; everyone is different of course).

[color:"darkred"] Some people just don't have much of a life outside their marriage. No hobbies, interests, and the like. [/color]

Interesting point about separate travel. I guess I didn't even think about that -- I have gone to Europe three times in the past few years without DH (friends live there). I'm not even sure DH missed me -- he was too busy doing his little projects around the house without me in the way! But I do remember people being shocked that he wasn't traveling with me, esp. the year I went alone. <gasp!>

[color:"blue"] It must not faze them that they can do such a thing. Some people are either ignorant or close minded. [/color] <img src="/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I guess travel apart depends on the couple.

For me, a couple days would be about my limit -- then again, I am a newlywed. It may change later on, when I've had plenty of time to get sick of my hubby. <img src="/images/graemlins/devil.gif" alt="" />

All kidding aside, a little time apart is good and it should be a length that both people should be comfortable with. Needless to say, there should also be a lot of trust in the relationship to make this work.

I've travelled quite a bit on my own. I knew going into the marriage that my husband and I had different ideas about vacations. Not that we don't take vacations together, but he's not interested in Europe, so I travel there with friends instead. Besides, it's good to have hobbies and interests a part from your spouse. If I denied that part of myself, I wouldn't be happy in my marriage.

[color:"green"] I am newlywed, and I trust my husband, too. I just don't like being away from him for too long, also. <img src="/images/graemlins/irish.gif" alt="" />[/color]