BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids This is me... you?

Did laugh when I read about "holding babies".

Yep, I agree don't do it.

Excuses to use when faced with the threat: "I've got a sore arm, pulled a muscle, bruised a tendon, keep dropping things....." they're all good.

Or just keep a glass of wine in one hand and a piece of cake in the other.

Hi there! I'm 36 married just over 10 years and am proud to say child free! I'd pretty much known since I was young that kids were not for me. I don't even know a specific reason, other than I just don't want any, never have. That was a big point of discussion before my hubby and I got married. He actually can't stand them. I do enjoy my nieces and nephews in short bursts. but the twitching and itching returns if the visits get too long. I think my m-in-law is still in denial, but everyone else seems to be accepting my decision.

whenever the babies start coming around, I start coughing. Tell them you're sick and don't want to give the baby anything! works every time!

Hi Coffee Addict! Welcome to the forum. It's nice to see a fellow Texan here. Thanks for the tip about being sick! I'll definitely have to remember that next time someone tries to force their loaf on me!

[color:"blue"] Hey there!!! I'll have to remember the sickness one. Good one! [/color] <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

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[color:"blue"] I usually try not to "ooh and aah" over babies. I'm infertile and I just don't want to set myself up for disappointment. [/color]

Hi! I am 32 and I have been married for almost 11 years (January). My husband and I got married when I was 21 and he was 22. I was still in college and he had just graduated. We knew we weren't ready for kids then, but always left to option open. As the years passed, we realized that we don't want kids and that we enjoy our life the way it is. We have two wonderful beagles which I love tremendously and cannot imagine my life without them. I am much more of an animal lover than a people lover.

For me, I also know that the majority of the child raising would be left up to me because my husband is a pilot in the Air Force and he is gone quite a bit or works really long hours. I know I could not handle being with kids all day long. We also move every couple of years and that is tough enough for just us to get through without kids. We have also been living overseas for the past 4 years. I know other military families make it work, but it just isn't for me. It is getting sort of weird for us though because we are the only married family in our squadron without kids. If I want to do anything with any of the other wives I have to be okay with them bringing their kids. Most of the time I don't mind, but it has been getting on my nerves lately.

My husband and I love to travel and we just started scuba diving which we think is awesome! I like to workout and to read and I just got my black belt in Tae Kwon Do. I love to learn new things and I am so happy that we have the time and the finances to do what we want without kids.

Thanks for always being so supportive and for sharing your lives with all of us. It is great to have a place to go to say how I feel. You are all awesome!

I'm 28 and single...still looking for the CF love of my life! I think that when I was a little girl, I thought things like "when I have kids" but as I grew up and started to understand what was involved in actually having one, and what I'd have to give up, I pretty much cemented my choice to remain CF. I even wrote in my friend's yearbook when we graduated from High School "Always stay child-free," long before I had ever heard the term! Of course, she has a baby now.

One of the things that I worry about is that my decision to remain CF has more to do with my horrible fear of pregnancy, childbirth, and the aftermath of that, than anything else. I am pretty much apathetic about kids...I think that as long as I could pawn it off completely on a nanny or the dad (because men these days are so baby-crazy that maybe THEY should be the primary care-givers), I'd be fine. But A) that's selfish and not good for the child, and B) I'd still have to go through pregnancy, so no way.

And about holding babies, I hate that! I mean, I like to hold the baby...it's a nice experience. But I see the looks I get from everyone around me, like "See...you LIKE it...you'll change your mind." And that just makes me feel incredibly mad and violated, and then I have to hand the baby back immediately. Can't I be allowed to like other people's kids --in small doses and in the appropriate settings--without that indicating that I want one of my own?!

Hi everyone! I'm 18 and engaged. My fiance is 23, and we've been together for a year and a half. I have never liked kids. As I grew up as one, I began to hate them. It's not that I wanted harm to go their way, because I didn't. It's just that I hate them, and never want them to be in my life, mine or not. It's quite depressing, really. So anyway, my fiance, back when I had just met him, told me he'd always thought he'd want kids. That shocked me. I guess I'd always thought that somehow we'd agree on that one--but, of course, I wouldn't be the one agreeing to him. In our case, we fell in love at first sight, and were going steady on our third day of knowing each other. So hearing the kid thing made me want to puke. He agreed to my beliefs, saying he'd rather have me than kids, because I let him know that I was NOT having kids.

Now we have a son, Thomas, who's 4 years old. I adopted him before I met Tim, my fiance. Tim never understood why I gave "a cat" birthday parties or actually talked to him like I understood him (which I do) or like he loves me like a mother (he does, he just doesn't know it yet). Finally Tim realized I wasn't playing a game, and now we often find ourselves talking about our son to everyone we meet who talks about kids, especially. Me and Tim both have many wallets of Thomas in our, well, wallets.

As for me, I've never held a baby and never plan on it. I guess it's kind of like a person who hates cats and is allergic holding a cat. It just doesn't make sense. The only baby I've held was Thomas, when he was a wee little kitten.

Aside from the kid stuff, I love to write (can you tell?), especially novels, short stories (usually depressing), and poems(usually uplifting). I love to spend time with my baby and his father, and I go to college for the Food and Nutrition major. I want to be a dietician. Which is weird to some people because (OH MY GOD!!!) I don't drink milk or (AGGH!) eat meat. I've been a pure vegetarian (vegan) for a little over two years now, and Tim's been one for about a year and five months. But I want to be a dietician to clear up some mistakes people have said about our diets to people who actually want to be healthy. Of course, I wouldn't prescribe veganism to everyone (some people just don't have what it takes), but that's another story.

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To JVO37, I think you are smart to realize that you do not want kids and that the whole idea of pregnancy and birth are not for you. Sometimes I think about that too. That maybe once I got through the pregnancy and birth that it wouldn't be too bad and that I might actually enjoy being a parent. But then I think about the rest of the child's life and what it would take to get them to be responsible adults and I don't have it in me to do that. I like my freedom and time to do what I want. If I had a child, it would be all about them and I could not stand any crying or whining etc... Even when kids are good, it is just the fact that everything you do revolves around them. Their nap time, changing them, taking them to the park and play dates etc. It just never ends. You would have to be ready to give up a lot to take care of kids.

I hate it when I see parents who resent the fact that they do not have any time for themselves. Did they not think about that before they had kids? They complain about everything that has to do with their kids. Then why have them? I know of a lady who has four kids and she always pawns them off onto other people. She is always complaining about not having time for herself, how it is tough to travel with all of them, especially her 16 month old. Her kids are ages 9,6,4, and 16 months. I wish I had the guts to ask her why she had so many kids if she hates taking care of them? I can see how some people get pregnant without planning it. Nothing is 100% except abstinance and that is not too practical. But I would think then they would stop after one or even two. Why four?

Anyway, that was a little bit of tangent. Sorry. I just wanted to make the point that people should not have kids and then expect others to raise them, whether that is the other spouse or a nanny or relatives. I think you are making the right decision about kids. Hang in there!