BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids post here if you're childfree and need to vent

***This is a long post, but I need to vent****
Last time I posted, I was in the process of trying to get the tubal ligation. My ob/gyn was supportive, but stated it would be easier to do it at the same time I was having another surgery and she does not have the "privileges" to perform the surgery at the hospital that I will have my surgery.
Talked to the surgeon yesterday that is performing my surgery, he referred me to a doctor in his area.
Called the dr to schedule the consult with him. The receptionist taking the call began to ask the usual (insurance, address, date of birth). Then she asked if I had children. This B---h secretary outright REFUSED to schedule the appointment because I did not have children. So, needless to say, we got into it. I told her unless it was the philosophy of the dr, she could not REFUSE to schedule the appt because I don't have children. She said she did not know if it was his philosophy to refuse to perform this on a woman with no children but she would relay the information to the dr and he would call me back.

Of course, I did not hear back from them. So, I called the other dr the surgeon referred me to and scheduled an appt, but I asked that I be contacted to let me know if this dr will perform the surgery on a woman with no children.

If he does not, I guess, I will have to wait until after my surgery (8/14/06) to have it done. My ob/gyn wanted this to be done at the same time so they would not have to reopen the area.
I get so sick and tired of people telling me that I will change my mind, that I should have kids, and that I could regret this decision later or that I will be the one to have "about 9 or 10 kids"-that one really makes me mad.
It is no one's F---ing business if I have children or not. They are not going to help me raise them, pay for anything, or do anything for them if I had them, so they should SHUT UP because it is MY decision to do whatever I want with my life or my body. <img src="/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
Thanks for listening

[color:"blue"] There is no right or wrong way to be childfree. [/color] <img src="/images/graemlins/fish.gif" alt="" />

DST Lady, I feel so bad for you! I can't BELIEVE how rude that secretary was! Where does she get off, "screening" patients for her boss?! You should get in touch with that doctor directly, to tell him/her what the receptionist said to you. She's losing business for her boss.

I do find it amazing that people don't question why a woman with no job and a deadbeat husband/boyfriend is having a baby, but will question someone else about having a tubal.

I think when people who follow the conventional path of life (get married, have kids, work a boring job to pay for the minivan with the leather seats and the DVD player, etc...) come up against someone who doesn't follow that road, their brains short-circuit. It is totally outside their frame of reference. And when some of them realize that "Hey! This is something I had a CHOICE on?" they get very pi**ed off for being stuck where they are. But that is their problem.

Stick to your guns, and I hope you are able to get the tubal soon.

[color:"blue"] Having a tubal would be better than being stuck on the pill. [/color]

DST lady -- I am so sorry they're giving you all that B.S. ...I would also speak with the doctor directly.

I have not discounted the possibility of going outside of state lines, if need be, to get sterilized. Planned parenthood may be able to help you there.

Also, I think the Essure sterilization process might not involve surgery...I don't remember...I know it's less involved than a tubal though. That might be an option to explore if you're getting sick of surgery.

[color:"487878"]Grr. I hate that for you DST. I'm 22 and I intend to talk to my gyno about TL or essure at my annual exam, but I'm almost positive it will be many years till I can get anything permanent done. In the south (where you and I live), I suspect it might be even *harder* than in many other places. (I grew up in NC by the way - High Point.. nice to meet ya).

A friend-turned-moo and Memphis resident recently had a baby and due to pregnancy complications had to have her gall bladder out and is now having liver problems. She is saying now that she never wants to have another one (although she won't tell that to her husband). There's a chance with all the internal problems that it might be dangerous for her to have any more children. Her doctor said if they can conclusively prove that it would endanger her life to get pregnant again, they might be able to do some kind of permanent sterilization, but without that proof, there's no way she could get it done until she's 30 at least (she's 23 now).

ARGH! What happened to "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure"??

<img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] Misery loves company again. [/color]

[quote]DST Lady, I feel so bad for you! I can't BELIEVE how rude that secretary was! Where does she get off, "screening" patients for her boss?! You should get in touch with that doctor directly, to tell him/her what the receptionist said to you. She's losing business for her boss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Absolutely, write the doc a letter, complaining about your treatment at the hands of his receptionist. It is a safe, elective medical procedure, after all --- and docs are not supposed to be in the business of "social engineering", as his receptionist seems to think. Go on the 'net and find out if he is a member of the AMA or if he is board-certified in his field; also find out the hospitals at which he has admitting privileges. Tell him that if he doesn't reply to you, you will take it up with the aforementioned organizations. He needs to know that his stance is unacceptable. While you're at it, cc: a fictitious lawyer by making up a name and putting an "Esq." after it. That will get his attention.

There used to be an actual formula which docs applied to women seeking sterilization: if the woman's age multiplied by her # of kids was less than 80, no snip. So she'd have to have 4 kids at age 20 or 2 at age 40 to even qualify. "zero" is not a number which can even work in that equation, so...if the doc in question is still working under the old rules, that would explain a lot. Unreal.

When a CF pal of mine was shopping for a doc (this was the 80s, so it was even worse then) to do her snip, he tried to fight her on it, but knew that he couldn't refuse it to her, exactly, due to the ethics rules within his profession. Nonetheless, he kept grinding his axe. As a last-ditch measure, he asked her: "Are you a lesbian?" (i.e., I guess in his twisted, dim mind, only a lesbian could be so heartless as to not want children...there's so many things wrong with that mindset that I wouldn't even know where to begin). She answered "Doc, if I were a lesbian, why would I need a snip?". Apparently he just sat there slack-jawed for a bit --- and then scheduled her surgery.

Oy...

Elise

Dear DST, You go girl! That was terrible of that admin. I would make sure someone speaks with her. Customer Service in general is horrible these days. I have been in CS for 15+ years and people are H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E!!!!