BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids reasons to have kids.....

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Freespirit,

I understand what you mean. I am flattered that you consider me selfless for this...I consider it more like saving myself (and everyone else) a big headache.

People who have mental illness, or any other illness for that matter, are deserving of compassion, and I will not deny them that. However, it does sound like they should be discouraged from having children if the children will suffer with a horrible illness. Not to mention, free cars are not part of the deal; many families across the world get by just fine without a car. If you total your car, tough luck; if you can't afford to replace it, you probably can't afford kids and should not have had them.

(Not to mention this lady sounds irresponsible; if she needs donations to replace her car, that means she didn't have insurance on it, and if she totalled it, she was probably driving recklessly. Sounds like both mom and kid would be safer if they all just took public transportation!)

Gee...I can kind of understand wanting to have a loving family...but honestly, if I were very ill (spastic = seizures?), having children would be the last thing on my mind.

This reminds me about the part(s) on the list about "loving existing children"...I think of loving existing family members. I would not want to take attention away from my husband, my mother and sister, and my best friend in favor of some kid who might not turn out very well.

I think especially if you have mental problems, you should rely more on your adult family, because kids will drive you MORE crazy.

(p.s. and disclaimer: I have nothing against the mentally ill, so don't send me hate mail! I come from a proud tradition of mentally ill people. I just wouldn't wish the problems on anyone else. Also, to clarify something: when speaking about cars I said something apparently contradictory: that many families get by without cars, and then if you can't afford to replace a car you can't afford kids. If you have reliable means of transportation which you can afford, including but not limited to *replacement* of ruined private transportation, then you might be able to afford a family. There are many people out there who never own a car who are fine because they have other arrangements such as public transit. However, if you have only one means of transport and you need donations because you wreck it, then you can afford neither the material cost nor the responsibility of a family. I hope this clarifies my stance on the issue.)

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I can understand that....if I were mentally ill, I'd have to think really hard before having kids--not only because it would be hard to be a good parent, but because it seems like kids would exacerbate your problem/make it difficult for you to deal with it. I mean, I don't even have depression, but when I'm depressed, I just want to veg. The LAST thing I'd want to have to do at such a time is act like I'm all fine and cheerful and have to still take care of all the stupid [censored] like wiping butts and making lunches and all that. That'd make things a billion times worse, I think.

Mentally impaired is another of those. It's horrible to say, but I think when a person reaches a certain level of mental impairment, they should be sterilized. It sounds bad, but some of these people can barely care for themselves, and they're supposed to be allowed to care for a kid because it's some sort of right to procreate?? How is that fair to either parent or child? I think sometimes people get a little too gung-ho about the "right" to have kids, and don't consider that someone else's "right" to pop one out spells a sh*tty life for the kid who didn't ask to be born to a parent who's 13 years old/cannot even care for themself/on crack/living on the street/can't afford it and its 15 siblings/whatever.

I remember an episode of some show...was it "Judging Amy"?--that absolutely shocked me. This girl was in court because her baby'd been taken away because she was essentially starving it. The girl had the mentality of a 12-year-old, and she wasn't feeding the baby enough because someone had told her it was fat and she didn't want people to make fun of it so she cut its food back. AND THEY GAVE THE BABY BACK TO HER! I couldn't believe it. Here's a girl who nearly kills her kid (though unintentionally) when she gets the wrong idea from something someone says, a girl who, if she were truly the age her mind was at, would barely be considered old enough to babysit, and they let her raise a child. It may not be her fault she's that way, but it's certainly not the baby's fault, either, and maybe next time someone wouldn't catch her before the kid died. And yes, it's just a TV show, but I'm guessing that sort of thing does happen in real life sometimes.

But then, I'm the person who was mildly flamed on another (non-CF) message board for saying I think girls who have kids when they're under 18 shouldn't--by law--be allowed to keep them (for a number of reasons relating to what would be best for child AND mother [and grandparents]).

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