BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Are Swingers Happier?

Not sure if you will het this BUT.

My BF and i have been together for almost 2 years. (READ my post, CONFUSED BY LOVE)...

Anyway, we were into swinging BUT after you read my post. You will see that in some cases it just doeant work for everyone. We did something involving an old friend of his WHOM he had been involved with (SEXUALLY ONLY) prior to meeting me. NOW, i cant seem to rid myself of this girl.

I think everybody makes great & valid points here. The couples that can swing and still make their relationship work are the ones who have a great deal of open communication with each other, are able to address all the potential consequences before they even participate in this activity(having hindsight), and have the ability to agree whole heartedly on a compromise as to how to deal with those consequences if & when they occur. I like to think that most people are capable enough of doing this. If they aren't capable of this, then they probably shouldn't be in a relationship with each other in the first place.

I am old fashion. Swingers open marriages what ever. I can not see how they are happy. I am like familychoice a swing belongs in the back yard and give me an open check any day.

I don't think it has anything to do with being old fashion or not. Swingers existed for many years now, especially during the sexual revolution of the 60's & 70's.
I personally don't know or not if I could do it, especially if a coupke has kids. You would have to be extremely discreet about it if the couple had kids.
Since I don't have kids, I would probably be open to discuss it with my girlfriend if she was considering it, but I would let her bring it up first.
I wouldn't mind the idea of her being with another girl as long as she was a real close longtime friend of hers.
I don't like the idea of going out to scout for some random girl.
I'm can't stand double standards but I have to admit that I would have a hard time if she wanted to swing with another guy whether he was a close longtime friend or not.
Again, I have met people who have been swinging for years. I know a couple who has been married for over 20 years & claim that swinging helped save their marriage.
This can be debated forever.

I have a question.. wouldnt you be Jelous if your girlfriend started haveing sex with a close friend? I would be hurt if my hubby even thought about haveing sex with his best friend!!! but maybe its just me?

Call me old fashion. Two people marry because they love each other. They do not need to swap etc.

I'm not really a jealous person, but I'm also not a swinger. If I were a swinger, jealousy wouldn't be an issue obviously, so I would rather have her sleep with a friend of mine (preferably a friend that I have known for a long time) than some strange guy who you don't know anything about. And as long as it wasn't done behind my back. It would have to be something that was discussed by everyone involved where agreements & compromises are decided before the sex even occurs.

Again, it has nothing to do with being old fashion. Swinging has existed since the dawn of man.

There are many couples and marriages out there that don't swing who don't love each other.

There are couples who have done swinging where it has caused the relationship to breakdown & fail, there are couples whose swinging have enhanced their sex life resulting in a saved marriage or relationship, and there are couples who swing for no particular purpose because it's no big deal to them & they enjoy it.
All these instances exist, so we shouldn't & really cannot pass judgement. And because of this, the "one size fits all" opinion is not a valid one. But you are certainly entitled to it.

My opinion is it is okay to swing but not within marriage.If people want to do that sort of thing fine but thay should not marry.

Marriage means commiting yourself to one partner and if they cant do that that is okay but dont marry because it cheapens marriage.Marriage is to sacred to bring something like swinging into it.

Marriage as defined in the traditional sense, yes.
BUT 2 people who are married have the right to redefine the meaning of their marriage, because it's their marriage.

My issue with & question to swingers is that I think it would only be a risky & sensitive issue when you have kids involved. How can you have childern (who take up most of your time), find time to swing, and be so discreet about it to not burden your kids with the mental & emotional confusion they could endure if they found out?