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Joined: Apr 2006
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Wolf
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Wolf
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Posts: 5,004
In an open forum, an opinion can always be given. that is one of the objectives of a forum. If you do not want to hear a dissenting voice, you should better avoid forums. No discussion can take place if every participant has ditto views. I hope that you comprehend what I say. An opinion is not imposing one's views. to impose your views on anybody, you need power over that person.

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Zebra
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Zebra
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It is important to remember also that this is truly an open forum, and all the better for it. CDMohatta is not only a gentleman, but he also hails from another country, and practises hinduism. There is a great deal of cultural diversity and custom at play, and it is worthwhile seeking the delights of such differences and treating them with courtesy and understanding. There is much to be learned by all concerned, and going on the defence and justifying one's stance and opinion in a hostile manner, is not constructive.
I think the main reason, as I see it, that CDMohatta comes onto this forum, is to benefit from the Western mind-set, and to be influenced by the good he finds here. he is always interested in joining in, even if some of the concepts are so odd to him, as to be virtually humanly alien.
I think he's just trying to get his head wrapped around it all, because from what I can gather, life where he is, is extremely different..... to say the least.

Pardon me.

Thank you all for your indulgence.

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Posts: 114
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Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 114
Quote:
This is the degradation of the cultures around the world, where values are getting a beating. The way people use words is shocking. I read a post of a teenage girl where she had used the f word many times in her post and she was saying that she was a shy person! Those who are shy may not use the f word so often in a public forum. No sanctity is left. Relationships are getting out of fashion. No wonder that in this society we hear of child sex, and all that which makes one feel horrible.

Western civilization grew up after industrial revolution. I am not talking in favor or against anyone. But all western civilizations and India as I see it, are going downhill as far as values are concerned. India keeps on producing fake god men and women. Every Indian can become a yoga or meditation teacher. Dr. Chopra is rewriting kamasutra and will make millions. There will be no lawsuit against him, because the original text was written hundreds of year back. He will sell million copies of that book and then give a lecture and probably write a book or two on values.

It is disgusting. Swingers are part of this. Excuse me, if I have hurt anybody. I wonder that girl Kaavya wanted to make money with her book, but was caught. Dr. Chopra will get applauded. Both belong to the same trade. The popularity of porno websites on Internet tells us about what are the priorities in life. The fascination with celebrities tells us the same story. Morals are lost; values have been sold for a penny
.


I am from the Western "civilization" and I am of the same mind set as you.
What we are seeing is an unraveling of civility.

What it boils down to is RESPECT. One must first have:
1) Self-RESPECT -- the respect for one's self, which when one looks around is certainly not apparent. I believe that many people have no idea what that means, their definition of self-respect is skewed, and therefore;
2) RESPECT for others -- is almost non-existant. We live in a selfish, materialistic, narsissistic world with not enough of the majority to make a difference.
It is all very frustrating.
It is all very sad.



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Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
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Quote:
fter a couple conversations I found between my fiance and other women, I got really uneasy with the whole idea. Even though he says he'd never cheat, I am still very confused about whether or not this person is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know this sounds like cold feet, as the wedding is only 3 months away. But i'm in a serious crisis and do not have a clue what to do.

It's like my fiance has two distinct sides, only one of which I love with all my heart. The side I love is a gentle, compassionate, intelligent man who is the best life partner I could ever have. We practically fell in love within a week of meeting, and found the soulmate we had been searching. We are best friends, and we have a great life ahead of us.

The side I don't like is the guy who goes online to get girls to send him pictures, poses as me online and emails girls saying that i want them to join me and my boyfriend, and talks about previous encounters with sexual partners. This online guy makes me sick.

So my fiance says that he would give up fooling around online if it means I stay with him and we get married. And i know this would seem great, and exactly what i want. But i'm still hesitant because i know that he will be wanting to do all that stuff, so it just stinks that i know he'll still want it and it will be on the back of his mind all the time.

Are all the good things I love about my fiance enough to outweigh the creepy online guy side he has? would him giving up fooling around online really be enough to make this work? would he really be able to give it up in the long run, or is he just saying this right now so that we will get married? am i going to be worried about my fiance's online habits for the rest of our lives, and would i want to spend that much energy worrying about it?


Sweetie,
It's not the swinging that's bothering me as much as how he is going about it -- this is suppose to be a happy time for you! Your partner, the one that you agreed to marry ought to make you feel happy, ought to support you and be open with you!
If you are questionning his motives or even worse, if you are feeling bad,
RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND DO NOT LOOK BACK!
BELIEVE me, there is someone who is more worthy of you and who will make you feel GOOD about yourself, not bad.
I know that you want to be married, but be careful for what you ask. You don't just want a "husband", you want a friend and a lover.
Don't compromise just for the sake of wearing a white gown and having a wedding, my goodness, it is a huge commitment and you are heading for very unhappy times. PLEASE, please, please, think about it. Talk to a counsellor, a clergyman, rabbi, mentor, whomever! But please do not marry this guy. He is not ready and I don't want you to end up hurt. You deserve the best.
He is not for you. Sorry to be so blunt.
Quote:
Quote:

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,004
Wolf
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Wolf
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,004
Originally Posted By: piscean_goddess
Quote:
This is the degradation of the cultures around the world, where values are getting a beating. The way people use words is shocking. I read a post of a teenage girl where she had used the f word many times in her post and she was saying that she was a shy person! Those who are shy may not use the f word so often in a public forum. No sanctity is left. Relationships are getting out of fashion. No wonder that in this society we hear of child sex, and all that which makes one feel horrible.

Western civilization grew up after industrial revolution. I am not talking in favor or against anyone. But all western civilizations and India as I see it, are going downhill as far as values are concerned. India keeps on producing fake god men and women. Every Indian can become a yoga or meditation teacher. Dr. Chopra is rewriting kamasutra and will make millions. There will be no lawsuit against him, because the original text was written hundreds of year back. He will sell million copies of that book and then give a lecture and probably write a book or two on values.

It is disgusting. Swingers are part of this. Excuse me, if I have hurt anybody. I wonder that girl Kaavya wanted to make money with her book, but was caught. Dr. Chopra will get applauded. Both belong to the same trade. The popularity of porno websites on Internet tells us about what are the priorities in life. The fascination with celebrities tells us the same story. Morals are lost; values have been sold for a penny
.


I am from the Western "civilization" and I am of the same mind set as you.
What we are seeing is an unraveling of civility.

What it boils down to is RESPECT. One must first have:
1) Self-RESPECT -- the respect for one's self, which when one looks around is certainly not apparent. I believe that many people have no idea what that means, their definition of self-respect is skewed, and therefore;
2) RESPECT for others -- is almost non-existant. We live in a selfish, materialistic, narsissistic world with not enough of the majority to make a difference.
It is all very frustrating.

Delighted to meet a person of same mind set.
It is all very sad.



Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,004
Wolf
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Wolf
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,004
Originally Posted By: piscean_goddess
Quote:
This is the degradation of the cultures around the world, where values are getting a beating. The way people use words is shocking. I read a post of a teenage girl where she had used the f word many times in her post and she was saying that she was a shy person! Those who are shy may not use the f word so often in a public forum. No sanctity is left. Relationships are getting out of fashion. No wonder that in this society we hear of child sex, and all that which makes one feel horrible.

Western civilization grew up after industrial revolution. I am not talking in favor or against anyone. But all western civilizations and India as I see it, are going downhill as far as values are concerned. India keeps on producing fake god men and women. Every Indian can become a yoga or meditation teacher. Dr. Chopra is rewriting kamasutra and will make millions. There will be no lawsuit against him, because the original text was written hundreds of year back. He will sell million copies of that book and then give a lecture and probably write a book or two on values.

It is disgusting. Swingers are part of this. Excuse me, if I have hurt anybody. I wonder that girl Kaavya wanted to make money with her book, but was caught. Dr. Chopra will get applauded. Both belong to the same trade. The popularity of porno websites on Internet tells us about what are the priorities in life. The fascination with celebrities tells us the same story. Morals are lost; values have been sold for a penny
.


I am from the Western "civilization" and I am of the same mind set as you.
What we are seeing is an unraveling of civility.

What it boils down to is RESPECT. One must first have:
1) Self-RESPECT -- the respect for one's self, which when one looks around is certainly not apparent. I believe that many people have no idea what that means, their definition of self-respect is skewed, and therefore;
2) RESPECT for others -- is almost non-existant. We live in a selfish, materialistic, narsissistic world with not enough of the majority to make a difference.
It is all very frustrating.
It is all very sad.




Delighted to meet a person of same mind set.

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,004
Wolf
Offline
Wolf
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,004

It's not the swinging that's bothering me as much as how he is going about it -- this is suppose to be a happy time for you! Your partner, the one that you agreed to marry ought to make you feel happy, ought to support you and be open with you!
If you are questionning his motives or even worse, if you are feeling bad,
RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND DO NOT LOOK BACK!
BELIEVE me, there is someone who is more worthy of you and who will make you feel GOOD about yourself, not bad.
I know that you want to be married, but be careful for what you ask. You don't just want a "husband", you want a friend and a lover.
Don't compromise just for the sake of wearing a white gown and having a wedding, my goodness, it is a huge commitment and you are heading for very unhappy times. PLEASE, please, please, think about it. Talk to a counsellor, a clergyman, rabbi, mentor, whomever! But please do not marry this guy. He is not ready and I don't want you to end up hurt. You deserve the best.
He is not for you. Sorry to be so blunt.[/color]
Quote:
Quote:
[/quote]


YOU ARE VERY RIGHT.

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 110
K
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
K
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 110
There's a bit of judgment in here. Obviously, the decision to swing or be polyamorous or have an open marriage is a decision made by the couple. If it makes them (both!!!) happy, why not?

Clearly marriage as we know it does not work for half of the population. It's not all about sex, but in many cases sexual issues are a major player.

It is hard to keep up the lust and oxytocin-fueled beginnings of new love, when all you want to do is be naked next to this person. Many people have affairs because they're trying to recapture that. So if having other sexual partners in the confines of a marriage works, go for it.

"Happy" is a very individual thing.

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Wolf
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Wolf
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Posts: 5,004
What is Oxytocin?

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Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
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Posts: 110
Oxytocin is what women release that bonds us � to our babies, and to men after sex.

I quote here: New York Times columnist David Brooks turned his attention to the hormone oxytocin, which aids in forming and maintaining relationships. He named this ability as the best predictor of success for both individuals and organizations:

"Oxytocin is a hormone that helps mammals bond.... In humans, oxytocin levels rise during childbirth, breast feeding and sex. Humans with higher oxytocin levels are more likely to trust other people.... I figure if we can hang Oxytocin Meters around people's necks, we can tell who is involved in healthy relationships and who isn't."

Link: Of Human Bonding


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