BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Body Image A Fat Mama

My mom was always big. As the youngest of 4 girls, I've noticed a bit of an obsession in our family with body appearance, looking good and weight control. I also have some guilty memories of being ashamed of mom when she came to pick me up at school. If only I'd had some body image skills back then, I could probably have helped us both. Fortunately, body maturity has a way of making us grow in the right direction.

Have you ever worried about your own appearance because of your mother's?

Your Mama's Body

Over the past few years I've started noticing I've picked up some of my mother's mannerisms, facial expressions, etc that really used to annoy me. At first I thought, What's happening to me? And then I decided I wasn't going to let it get to me. Now, when I catch myself doing something that reminds me of her, I use it to check in with myself: my mother was a very unhappy person, so I make sure there's nothing I need to get off my chest. I figure that a lot of her body image problems came from her unhappiness, so if I can avoid the traps she fell into, I probably won't end up looking exactly like her. I want laughter lines, not frown lines... <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Elle, you go girl! My mom is a very negative person...she is always saying that she wished she were more like me. I always tell her don't sweat the small stuff!!

i am the big girl in the family and my mom is 85 pounds soking wet dressed like an eskmo on the fattest day with a pocket full of coins. I was always (still am jelous of her) she can eat chocholate cake and not gain a pound (probley lose wait) and i look at a carrot and get fater. but i have learned that being skinny does not make you happy. when i was younger i would have killed to be skinny just like her and never understood why she was so unhappy. I get it know and i am still fat and sassy!!!

My Mom is always saying how she never used to have a problem with weight; and how i used to never have one either. <img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

And then she goes on to say that her hips were never large like mine, or she always had a small butt (not like mine), or some other slanted comment. I can never actually call it an insult, but it always manages to make me feel worse and her seem better than me.

She also seems to have gotten really touchy now that I am losing so much weight due to the gastric bypass. She makes sure to hand me clothes and say "I can't wear this, it's too big for me, but i'm sure it will fit you." Soon, however, she will not be able to do this anymore. I wonder how she would react if I were to turn around and hand her too small clothes? <img src="/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Connie!

Michelle, I'm glad to hear you're on track after your surgery. Mums can be so mean, can't they?

I won't tell you what size I am, because I'm one of these people who actually likes her body size and shape. My mother's never been able to handle that and when I was a teenager she bought me clothes and nighties as birthday gifts that were always 3 sizes too big! She paid money for this stuff I couldn't wear, and then just said, "Oh you'll grow into it!" You could fit two of me in some of those!

Oh mothers and the damage they do.....

Michelle I didint know you had gastric bypass done!
How are you feeling now? how much weight have you lost? How much more do you wantto loose?

I rekon you should start giving your mum clothes to small like you say - that will fix her up! its weird...almost like she is trying to compete with you...It will be interesting to see how she reacts when you reach goal.Keep us posted.

I had a Mom who got a lot of all that stuff from her mom, and she's worked really hard to not be that way with my sister and I. The flip side of that is that on occasion, we have to really bug her to get her actual feelings about something and not just a flat, "oh sure, honey, that's fine...."

thereis a book named Captivating Unveiling the mystery of a womans soul by John and Stasi Eldredge that is a great book that explanes women on a relational level and it talks about why mothers and Daughters act the way they do it also explanes sisters but i did not pay much attention to it I dont have any brothers or sisters. there is anouther book by the same author called Wild at heart that is all about men.... very informative

Well, I would say the chest area, I wish my mother was a small breasted woman, maby I would be the same. When I was in school being big breasted was an issue I did not like, it was so embarrassing.

That is why I cannot understand why some women will opt to enlarge their chest. Jogging, it hurts, finding a good bra that is not $30 and up is hard. I thought about Breast augmentation I even went to a doctor in that field of work, I decided after the questions i asked and answers also information I found on a medical site on the web that I did not want to risk it.

I'm a wife an a mother of 2, being a mother can be a factor, but I still would like it if my breast was smaller.

I go to the gym and workout, I wish I could jog, but jogging on the tread mill hurts, so I just walk.

I know there are creams in pharmacys that lift and make them firmer,(which by the way I haven't used yet its the $90 for a small bottle I have a problem with) maby I will evetually try.

I recently saw a site and there is probably more like it, that sell natural pills to either reduce or enlarge breast.

I have a thread in the forum that I talk about that.

I will talk to a doctor first about this before trying it.

My mother is and has always been overweight. She went through crash diets and even anorexia when I was a child. She always told me I'd never have to worry about my weight, and i believed her. When I was 11 or so she had me on weight watchers with her, not because I needed to be, but because she needed help and support. I feel sad for her now, I didnt recognize that as a child.

as a result of being told I would never be "fat" I didnt see much importance in exercising or eating right, I was always thin as a child, teen and young adult.

I now struggle with my weight after having children. I hate physcial activity, i always have, and I wasn't conditioned as a child to do it anyhow.

I am extra cautious to never make comments about my children's weight. I offer them only healthy foods with the not so healthy things only as treats on a weekend or holiday. I also ensure they do something physical each and every day, which has been going to the pool this summer. This past year I had themin dance and drama in addition to just riding their bikes, playing and doing kid stuff.

We moved to a much mre pedestrian-friendly neighborhood and now we walk the dog around the 'hood almost every night while the older girls ride their bikes and hubby pushes the smaller two kids.

Hubby and I realize that we aren't getting younger and the problems our parents fight are all compounded by inactivity, diet and being overweight. We've decided that we don't want to live their life. When we are their age (early to late 50s) we want to be active and enjoying our life, not constantly shuffling to the doctor or in so much pain we have to stay home.

Meg

Yes I do compare myself with my Mother and tried my best to be the opposite.

She is a person that never says her mind, never has an oppinion, which I find annoying and as I think you have gathered by now I do.

I have never seen my Mother with out make up she wears so much I hardly wear any.

She is quite plump so I watch the weight.

Saying all this I love my mother dearly but just did not want to be like her.

Oh dear! My mom is as thin as a rail--yup a hot momma at 50 something. Me, on the other hand...I've had 4 kids, including a set of triplets! I feel that I've earned my pouch and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Not to say I'd NEVER have a tummy tuck to get rid of the extra skin, but for now I'm ok with it. I'm healthy and that's all that matters. Besides, my kids think I'm beautiful just the way I am! I worry about our obsession with weight and appearances and the impression that leaves on our kids..especially our little girls.

I do remember being ridiculed not because my mom was fat I can deal with that but my Father really criticizes my love of food I don't eat that much maybe my size is in a size 14 but I'm going to change that I want to because I don't want to not get a boyfriend because I'm so overweight! But I don't care about what my parents say I'm going to indulge in good food. This Society is way too stuck on Body Image anyways Take ANTM Tyra's Show they won't even let a Plus Size Model get her crown and glory her Judging Panel gets on my damn nerves I'm glad they don't have Janice Dickerson on there anymore but the secret to winning is having a good picture every week I wonder if Toccara reentered and tried out again she would win because she's not that big anymore

Mirror, mirror on the wall; I am my mother afterall!

Well, not really because my mother, and her mother, and every other person in my mother's family is a whippet while I AM a st. Bernard. BUT my mother has never been anything but supportive of me in all my endeavors. I am the one that eats the food and does not care to exercise and packs on the weight that tends to make me fatter than necessary. I have joined Curves and try to go at least three times a week. IF I am going to live a reallllly long time like everyone else in this family I need to be able to walk and right now my knees are very unhappy with me.