BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids This is the most populare forum at bella

Yes, I posted on the topic of getting a tubal done, but relating from the male point of view of vasectomy.
And the sinners if you get sterilized topic too.

There are daily occurances here that I see of the scenes you speak of in stores, restaurants, outdoors....
Some of these folks just aren't parent material and it's too late to go back. What kills me is the assumption that it's going to be great to be a parent. I see many rude awakenings with some adults when things don't turn out like they planned. This should be one of the most serious decisions to make in your life, bringing another human being into the world. I know that there are too many other interests I have besides raising a child. And regardless of what others say, this is not a "duty" I have to do. To truly be grown up and mature, one has to know one's limitations.

Apparently, some are finding out what theirs are only now it's too late - they've got kids.

And what you are seeing is their frustration. Oh yea, they say they don't mind, it's part of parenting. But then you see them venting anyway.

I had a pretty good idea that I wouldn't see perfect days raising kids, because as I said before, I remember growing up and I know I gave my parents some grief.

So the decision should be - do you decide to accept the good with the bad - for 18+ years?

I don't have the tolerance for that type of lifestyle, so I choose not to. It's not about liking / disliking kids. It's about the type of life you want.

But some of them are never going to realize that. It's a whole, "We did it and you must too," thing with them. When an innocent third party is going to be brought into the equation, that's not something to wantonly risk. It's scary how they put more thought into other things, but not when it comes to bringing somebody else into this world.

None of us woke up one morning and said, "I don't want kids. I want a tubal/vasectomy now." We've all put thought into this, whether we actively realize it or not. For me, it wasn't until I realized that I've been asking myself every now and then over a period of a couple years, "Why should I have kids? I can't deal with the diapers and vomit. I'm too angry and I get violent when angry. I'd beat my kids," that I had the "epiphany" of sorts that I didn't have to have kids and frankly, I shouldn't.

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I'd probably be an abusive parent too. I suppose that makes me a bad person or something, but I know I would. I have a very hot temper, and I tend to get physical when I'm [censored]--whether it's throwing things, or having the urge to get physical with a person who's made me mad.

I watch "Supernanny" and I think, "oh, man...that kid would get a beating." I saw one episode where this kid kept hitting and kicking his mom...and I know if some kid did that to me, I'd hit them right back, probably harder than they hit me, and see how they liked it. Or the kids who, when they're in trouble and being yelled at, just stand there and laugh. That would put me over the edge, and I'd probably find another way to teach them it's no laughing matter. That doesn't mean I'd haul off and hit a kid for no reason, and I could probably even usually keep myself from hitting a kid even if I were [censored] at them (this is important to note because I'm sure if parents I knew, knew that I am this way, they'd probably freak out and think I shouldn't be around their kid[s] or something)...but I definitely should never have kids.

Yea, same here. It's too bad the ones that whine about the problems with their kids didn't do a self check on their limitations before they jumped into the parent pool.

I agree. It seems that more thought is put into other things which are far less important that producing a child.
For some people it's apparently a primal instinct to just pound the mattress - no indepth thought needed.


I would have been just as strict as my parents for the same reasons they were; respect for others, setting limits for yourself, and other behaviors that need to be learned to be an adult and get along with others.
My father did get angry, usually because we misbehaved and we knew it. And we were punished - spanked, put in the corner, taking away of priviliges, whatever was appropriate for our age. This may be seen as "abuse" by some, but to me it wasn't. It was the behavior learning curve you went through growing up. Kids that don't get this today are the ones that seem to get into more problems than I ever did. I always had the thought of "is this going to get back to my parents?" And that was enough to cause me to consider my actions before I did something wrong.
I have to say, it worked.

You're right. As a kid, I may have kept from doing wrong--or at least made careful sure I wouldn't get caught--from the fear motivation (i.e. I'm going to get in BIG trouble), but when I grew up, I started keeping from doing it because I had TAUGHT it was wrong. If fear of being yelled at or a swat on the @ss kept me in line before I was of an age that the adult reasoning kicked in, what's the problem with that?

(of course, this assumes that a parent is TEACHING what's wrong and why, and reinforcing that with punishments such as spanking, rather than just kicking the sh!t out of the kid without teaching the kid right from wrong first. A lot of people opposed to spanking don't know the difference between the two and assume all spanking is of the latter variety)

I wonder if the parents know that they are actually proving our (the CF) point by stating raising children is hard. I do believe we all know this and this is one of the many reasons why we are CF. I too know that I would be bad mother and would give Joan Crawford/mommy dearest a run for her money in the abusive mother department.
Not to offend any mothers, but why would they come to this site and read the posts. It is like they WANT to get mad at what is in the posts. That is why I don't go to the parent forums. I don't have any plans to have children and see no need to invite aggravation into my life by reading something that is MORE than likely to make me mad.

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I'm just as baffled also. Seems that some want to try and justify why their lives are better just because of parenthood.
I think some expected life to be a grown up version of "barbie and ken", only with kids. Only life isn't like playing with dolls when you're grown up. As I stated before, who is the more logical here?
Adults have kids because:
You're supposed to?
My other adult friends do too?
Feeling the need to nuture?
Carry on the family tree?
Help when I get older?
???????????????????????

Or how about instead, should I?..could I?.. do I have the time and resources?...., do I have the right attitude, demeanor, and tolerance?

I'll bet not a lot of the latter is done ahead of time. So that is where the grumpyness of some visitors here comes from I think...