BellaOnline Forums Family Siblings 'Step-siblings" Romantically Involved - Your say

I've been struggling with this for about five years and I don't know how to handle it.

My parents split when I was 16 and after many suicide attempts, my father got healthy and met a nice women. She has two children, a girl who is one year older than me, and a boy who is a year yonger. When my father was first dating her I never saw her kids because I was never around enough and neither were they. My dad and his girlfriend got engaged and decided to build a house together. After a few years, the house was built and they moved in. By this time, myself and the boy were in college and began seeing eachother during holiday times when we both had off from school. There has always been sexual tension between us and one night we were watching tv and he held hands. I had always had a little crush on him but never thought it would go anywhere. Nothing happened more than just holding hands, but the tension built. I thought not much of it although my crush on him never went away. I had two serious boyfriends since then and one so serious that I almost moved accross the country to be with him. Right before I was to move I visited my future step brother and we kissed. I brushed it off as he was going to miss me and gave in a little to the tension. I ended up not moving and breaking up with my boyfriend. Since then my relationship with my now step brother has become very physical. Whenever we are at the house together we become physical.

We have discussed how we like eachother but he just can't get passed the fact that I'm his step sister. Our parents know that we like eachother and encourage it, as they have always seen the attraction between the two of us. We are both adults and out of college and I am beginning to realize that I have loved him since I met him. We in no way grew up together. I know it's more than just physical but I don't know if I can convince him, or get him to be willing to give us a real shot. It is so obvious when we are around eachother that we genuinely love eachother. Even his grandparents (my new step grandparents) asked if we were dating by the way we look at eachother and the way we are around eachother and they also fully support us.

I know the odds are stacked against me and I feel there are only a few outcomes to this.

1. I stop myself from being physical with him because I want more and he can't get passed it. If this happens I feel like I will just supress my feelings for him and it will take a lot for me to find happiness with someone else and I will always long for him (as I have been for the past 5 years.)

2. I persue him and either it works out between us and we as a couple are accepted by others, or it doesn't work out and I realize that it won't ever work.

I dont know what to do.

This is a touchy subject I know. I personally could never be with my step brother because I have watched him grow up the past 11 years our families have been blended together. He was 13 when our parents got together and I was 22. So there is our age difference too. So he is truly like a brother to me becasue he was a kid when they got together. Your situation is a little different. You guys were older. If no one in the family has a problem with it, then why not. Although it would be ackward to explain to outsiders "This is my husband, who is also my step brother". When you are asked how many siblings do you have, how would you answer that. I think that would be the only ackward thing about the situation

Here's my advice Andilizz..there is this thing called "too much information". When I talk about me and my guy I tell them we met at a party (which is true) and that my dad passed and his mom passed and that's it. When people ask how many siblings I have I tell them about my full brother and my 1/2 siblings and that's it. People who don't know my situation don't need to know my situation. If you look at your current friends do you know about their parents, their siblings, their family? I only know what they tell me. As far as my friends and family who do know the situation, if they love you they will accept the situation. They know that you 2 didn't grow up together and your not blood related. Why do people make it out to be such big deal. It's not like your marrying your 1st cousin!!(That's a whole 'nother forum) You are very lucky that your family encourages it b/c mine did as well and that's why our relationship has gone as smooth as it has. It's your life and you need to be happy. Would it matter as much if you and your guy met before your father and his mother? Most likely not...people meet under weird circumstances but if it's meant to be it's meant to be! I married my soul mate and I'm very happy and I hope you will be as well.

I'm brand new to this site, I found it while searching on google for "Step Siblings that fall in love" a few months ago and stumbled onto Andilizz page, and through that found this one just today. I haven't read many people's responses to this post as of yet, but it does bring a tremindous relief to know I'm not the only person here struggling with feelings for their step siblings.

My mom married a wonderful Christian man 4 years ago, and he just so happens to have an incredible Godly and extremely handsome son (that is only a year younger than me) that I had instantly had a crush on the moment I met him. He had issues with the "step sibling" title, so nothing happened... at first. I tried to not think about it, and have focused on viewing him as a brotherly figure that I have great respect for. More than that, he has been my absolute BEST guy friend, which in all honesty is extremely rare for me to keep a close friendship with guys. Anytime he's in town, or "living" with us, him and I have a blast, and talk about deep meaningful things. I feel completely comfortable around him, I can tell him anything and know he isn't going to use it against me, and am always myself around him. He has felt the same way as it has been obvious when we hang out together. We have so much in common, yet he continues to inspire me. No matter what though, I have always felt very differently about him than I do my other step brother who I see completely as being my kid brother. I always knew I had strong feeling for him, especially when I caught myself comparing him to every guy I have liked since meeting him, but even tried to deny it from myself. My step sister though has recently confessed to me that she always knew, and I thought she did. She always would look at me, just stare at me, whenever he would pull up the driveway, or anytime we would bring him up in a conversation, or when we would hang out all together. I didn't think he had feelings for me at all, until a few months ago just weeks before he moved back home. We ended up cuddling with each other, (very innocient as I desire to wait to experience the joys of marriage until my wedding night, and he did too.) But it happened almost everynight we'd hang out for the last few weeks he was here. We didn't share anything with our parents about it, but they already knew as they plegued us with tons of questions about how close we had gotten. (We had thought they would be upset, but as I have found out on my own they aren't in the least, but are wanting us to only wait on God.) We did talk about it a lot during those last few weeks, but what I hated was we brushed it off as if satan was using this to bring us together only to pull us apart in our friendship. I know we both were pretty confussed being in the midst of it, not knowing anyone else who was or had been, but I must admitt that I feel a strong peace about it, as crazy as it may sound to some. Since meeting him I have always gotten encouragement about us being together (other than a few words from my mom a few months ago, which I don't think she meant.) He, however, I don't think (*think* being the key word) has as much other than by his sister. I haven't heard from him much since he's moved away, which at first really scared me as I thought I was loosing my best friend, but then God used my step dad to bring me back to reality that he is struggling with daily life back home, and just to wait. That has helped, because that I can understand. Our biggiest thing we told each other before he left was we DO NOT want to cause any damage to our friendship because it's so special to us both. But I think that's how a lot of people who become best friends then fall for each other usually feel. (I wouldn't know completely, I haven't ever been in a "official" relationship yet! * Yes me! 23 years old, and still single. * I've been waiting for the right guy God has for me, and I can tell you he has everything in him that I am looking for in a future husband, but if it's not God's will then I wouldn't want either of us to get held back or take a wrong chance. Does that make sense?)
Ive just been struggling for a while, and it took me a while to get use to him not being here, or being able to talk to him about it. I have fully relied on God, which I know is right and exactly as it ought to be, but I confess I miss him a lot. No duh, lol. It was easier dealing with this when it was just me having these feelings, but now he has or had feelings for me, which makes it even harder now. I must be holding out for that chance... that hope dwelling inside. I don't know if he still feels the same, or if he's completely moved on. He did meet someone a month ago, but it didn't work out. We have both encouraged one another that God has someone special for each of us, but does that mean I should completely let go of that hope of us being "that special someone" for each other?

Maybe I'm just a silly girl, wishing for the one thing I should know I can't have.

I don't know. . . but that's my story - our story. It's a relief to share this with others who can relate, I haven't shared it with hardly anyone else that I know.
I at least hope and pray it has helped someone else. I could still use a lot of prayer about this situation, advice, and encouragement if anyone is still willing to share?

God Bless

Thanks for sharing, I'll check this out.

I haven't checked this in a while but since my last post, I did get married and it was awesome to be able to share my love with all my friends and family. I think ,Tirzah7, that is awesome that you talked to your mom and his dad and didn't keep it to yourself. It became a lot harder to tell my friends and family b/c we didn't tell anyone for several years. I truly believe God brought us together b/c there were many signs there that I knew it was right. And my favorite quote from my pastor is "You are not here to please everyone, but you are here to please God." Don't give up hope on each other b/c if it is meant to be it will happen. And don't worry about what people say b/c your true friends will stick by you and that's who you need

BeABlessing,
Wow, what a God thing to get on and see your response today! I haven't been on here since my last post, but so much has happened since then. I had written down everything that happened, but it is long and I've been trying to decide if I should share it, or if it's too lenthy and detailed. However, this whole bulletin is meant for us who fall in love with our step siblings, and whoever else gets on here needs all the encouragement, and support they can get from our own personal stories. I know how much it has helped me to read many peoples posts on here, and to hear BeABlessing that you are married to your step brother after 7+years does wonders to my own fragile and scared heart! You're encouragement, and happy ending has given me a reason to hope, and it's such perfect timing as all of the MAIN things that has happened between my step brother and I have occured during this last week. So, I apologize for how long and detailed it is, (and the occasional mispelling and sloppiness of writing), but I want to share my entire heart on here so maybe someone else too can be encouraged just as you have encouraged me. I'd love to talk to you more about your's and your husbands relationship, and how you two handled it together, especially because I can relate to you as a Christian woman as well as for falling in love with our step brothers.

So here's our story since my last post in October 18, 2008...

This is my first chance to get back on and check this site out, and it was definitely God's perfect timing too. You see, he moved back in January, and he knew I had strong feelings for him. Last month he took me aside and told me he didn't share my feelings, but he did it in such a sweet and tender way, (he's an amazing Godly man like that, very understanding and sweet, yet manly too.) It was difficult to hear, but immediately God came through and gave me peace to leave it up to him. This last week we went to FL to see his family, it was such an incredible time too. We ended up cuddling, and he confessed he had feelings for me. (I made sure I wasn't just dreaming, and asked him like 3 or 5 different times within the past week. lol) During that week in FL, just one random day while driving in the car with his sisters, I realized that I was in love with him and felt an overwellming peace. It hit me hard, because even though I cared deeply for him, I had a hard time throughout the past few months imagining him and I being together, if that makes since? I think it's because we've gotten so comfortable being best friends, and step sibblings its hard to imagine anything else. We'd cuddle only at night, so during the day it was different yet I still had those strong feelings, I can't quiet explain it. But this past week that all changed... I can't see myself with anyone BUT him.
Apparently during that trip I found out that EVERYONE in his family knew about it, and were ALL supportive about the idea of him and I if it happens. One of his sisters that he really respects and sees as a best friend (who is also one of my best friends too) got after him and told him not to break my heart by leading me on if he doesn't have any intentions of being with me. Once we got home, he was at work yesterday and his mom called him. She too immediately started talking to him about the exact same thing his sister had said. It took him by suprise... so after I picked him up from work, I knew something was up with him, and he immediately told me he didn't want to lead me on, and sees me as a friend and sister. That hurt alot hearing that, because I couldn't understand why he would say that when he told me he had feelings for me. We had a VERY LONG conversation about how I felt about him, and some of how he felt. I ended up confessing to him that I am in love with him, which I've never told any guy before. He asked what I saw thinking of him and I together, and I told him I saw a future. That we'd get into a relationship, and get married. I even explained that I imagined we'd get married on the beach (which is his dream place to be married too), and I would have this beautiful dress I'd wear for him. He was really quiet for a long time, and didn't know what to say. I spent the majority of the day crying, being terribly depressed, while I drove my mom around town to help her get her business done for the day. I read some devotionals throughout the day, and one of the main ones that sticks out to me is from a book called, "God Calling," and the thing I remember most is the phrase, "Trust and Wait." I've been spending every moment in prayer since our trip to FL, and have been yeilding my heart for him to God. God even gave me another phrase to say, "God, I love you more." Just like from the movie Fireproof when Caleb smashes the computer that was full of tempting porn on it, and left a bundle of red roses and a card that read "I love you more" sitting next to it for his wife Catherine to read. It has helped tremendiously to teach me to yeild everything to God, putting him first above all else.
Later that night, we were driving off to WalMart together, and he shared with me a little of the conversation him and his sister had that night about what she always hated guys doing to her. He made sure he pointed out how much she loves me, respects me, and looks up to me, and how she always stands up for what is right instead of taking sides. His mom called, asked him how I was, and immediately wanted to talk to me to encourage me and tell me I could call her anytime to talk, and that she loved me. (I absolutely adore his family) Once we were heading home, I decided to bring up a question that had been bothering me all day. I asked him why if he didn't have feelings for me, did he tell me he did? He didn't answer me for a long time, but when he finally did he said that he DID have feelings for me, he just couldn't see us being together. At night he could, but during the day he saw me as his friend. (Sound familiar? ... I thought so, but haven't said anything yet.) I thanked him for sharing that, and told him that helped a lot knowing a guy like him could like a girl like me. He told me he didn't think he was much of a great guy like I make him out to be, but I told him that compared to every guy I've ever known, and I knew some great Christian guys before too, NONE of them can hold a candle to him. He started crying and said his best friend was like that too. (His best friend commited suicide about a year and a half ago, this was also his sisters former boyfriend too. It was devestating to the entire family, but they all know he is with the Lord.) I ended up pulling the car over, and we had a long talk about his best friend, and the pain he was still and always will deal with from the loss of him. I apologized to him for letting satan get a hold of me with what had happened earlier that day, because it was nothing in comparison to what he was dealing with. That moment completely opened my eyes to God, and realized how much I had let satan decieve and blind me from God, and how much this wonderful man needed encouragement and support too.

Since last night, I have had nothing but peace still about my love for him. I know it came from God, and somewhere deep inside I still believe he is the one God has for me. I wouldn't dare say that outloud, especially because I'm not one to admit to things like this and confessions of love unless I truly mean it and know it to be true, but it only came from God. I know too well the difference from my own quirky hope to God's assurance and grace. He told me he wanted me to meet a great guy right away, or at least start talking to one, but I told him I'm going to spend this time as my Honeymoon time with God instead.

It's just like you said, if he truly is the one then it will happen, and it will ONLY be of God!!! If someone would have asked me this time last year if he would have ever have feelings for me at any point in time, I would have answered no without hestitation. Yet, here he is confessing he cares for me. That is proof that God has his hands in this whole thing, but right now neither one of us are truly ready for eachother if we're meant to be. I want to spend this time with just God anyways, as in the last 2 years I did nothing but push God away because of bitterness due to my first real broken heart. That's a whole different story... lol. My step brother is the third guy I have ever fallen in love with, God being the first, and I have only confessed my love to both God and him.

No matter what God decides to do, I am completely content with God's decisions. I love him first and foremost in my life. He has NEVER left or foresaken me, not once. Everytime I've called out to him, he's been there for me, even in his silence, I know he's there. I just want God's ultimate best for both him and me, and for each of us to be a vessle for the Lord to use. Wether that's together, and/or seperate.

I'm not quiet sure where to go from here, or if I should talk to him more about everything, or just stay quiet, or should I just let it all go? I am definitely going to continue to be there for him as his best friend. There's a song that I heard tonight while watching Fireproof, and a part of the lyrics says, "Love is not a fight, but its something worth fighting for."

Please keep us in your prayers if you wouldn't mind?
Thank you!

God Bless

I will definitely be praying for you, your step brother, and your situation! I think it is good that God reviled to you that Nick wasn't the one he has for you, and that he blessed you with Marcus. It DOES save you many painful years, I know a few people who were with the wrong person and have stayed for way too long, and are/were very unhappy. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that though, but I believe God allows us trials to make us stronger, and bring us something better through it.

How you were discribing your love for Marcus, and what you admire in him, reminds me how I feel for my own step brother. Being step siblings who love/care for eachother while living in the same house is difficult, scary, and confusing. But, don't let fear and confussion hold you two back from each other especially when you want to be with together! There's a quote I recently found that I like especially to us in these situations... "Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you." ~ Roger Ebert
We can get confused by life, and the standards of the world, but if our heart is telling us one thing we ought to listen to it. We aren't use to hearing about step siblings falling in love with eachother, and end up with a happily ever after. There were no fairy tales regarding that kind of love, and no stories or movies ever writen about it. (Well, except for "Because I Said So" and "Clueless." Yet even those didn't touch on the fact they're Step Siblings, and what happens in the long run for them!) The main idea we got about step siblings is that they're evil, like in Cinderella, yet that is so untrue.

It is good that you two want to take things slow, but again don't let it be fear that holds you two back from being together, but ONLY for the right reasons. For the world will never fully understand our own personal hearts, only God does as he created us exactly as we are now, and wrote our stories before the world even exsisted.

I love my step brother, and he is the only man I have ever confessed that to. Him telling me he was confussed by our situation and due to how he sees me during the day that he couldn't see us together hurts badly because I know how God could use us, and that we're perfect for eachother... but what is even more painful is that he recently confessed to me he is in love with a girl he met online that he's been talking to for almost two years now, even though I told him I want him to be happy no matter what, and I believe this girl is best suited for him compaired to any other girls he has liked before. Yet, for the past week I know his smile, laughter, and carefree nature is all because of her, and not me. How he feels for her, is exactly how I feel for him. How crazy he's going not being able to be with her, is how I feel about not being with him. This past week we have not talked as much, there has been more silence between us than ever before. We were always able to talk so freely, and openly to eachother about everything, anything, and nothing at all. I have to say it's mostly me, because it's so hard to be around him knowing I'm the only hoping for a happily ever after with him, and imagining that girl being his Sleeping Beauty instead of me. Everyday, God brings something else to my attention through this... like, just as my step brother rejected me (sweetly, but still), I too have rejected God's love for me. I mean, I've always loved him, but more as in a really good friend kind of way instead of as a lover and husband. Instead I have put my focus and poured out all my love for another, just as my step brother is doing now for this online girl. So it has been an inpact on me with my real personal relationship with God, and I am now falling in love with him, and thinking of him as my husband. Which can be hard seeing that you don't normally think of God as a romantic lover, but rather someone you have to fear. I've also been being attack with feeling ugly, fat, and unattractive. I have convinced myself that I don't live up to something, and that's why my step brother doesn't love me. If only I was thinner like the other girls, if only I had more of a glow about me, more positive, had a smaller nose like he likes, or something... then maybe he'd be encaptivated by me like I am with him. But no, that's a lie. I've been reading a book called "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. Man, that is an INCREDIBLE book, a MUST READ to ALL women!!! Heck, even men should read this!!!! lol. With that book, and all the things I'm going through with my step brother still being in love with him, there is a verse that Stasi and John share that is a HUGE verse to me. So it shocked me when they brought it up, it was one that God brought fiercely to my attention during my high school years, and again now that I'm in love with my step brother... the verse comes from Song of Songs, (which is my absolute FAVORITE book in the bible, and is ALL about love, making love, being in love, romance, and all that beautiful blessing.)

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

This verse is mentioned three different times in Song of Songs, (2:7, 3:5, 8:4), and when something is mentioned three times that means it is CRUCIALLY IMPORTANT!!!

How I view this for me is that if God does have my step brother for me, than it's not time, and if I tried to force it now it would shatter any possibility of us being together in the future. Or, if he isn't the one for me, then I just need to keep waiting and trusting God, because he's preparing that one for me and neither one of us are ready yet. If I tried to find him too soon, I'll find Mr. Second Best and fall for him, rather than THE BEST.

I want to marry my step brother, but more than my own happiness and hearts desire, I want him to be fully and completely happy. If this is what God has for him, then so be it. Though, everday I feel a piece of my heart shatter more, every time I see him, or hear him nearby, I shatter a little more. I ache, and all I want to do is hear him say again that he has feelings for me, and then cuddle with me, knowing he truly means it. However, I even can see I'm not ready for a committed relationship. If I got in a relationship with him, it would have to lead to marriage, soon, and neither one of us are ready for that yet. So it is good that we aren't together then, but it still doesn't make the pain go away. That's something God's going to have to get me through.

I'm sure this all sounds like a jumble of words which I'm so sorry about, I promise I'm trying to make a point, while sharing my own slim experience with this at the same time! lol! But, what I'm trying to say is this... if this is the man God has for you, then don't hesitate to be together when you're both ready to be, no matter your situation. Yet, don't jump into anything too soon, or it won't work out. I don't know if you have a relationhip with God or not, but I can guarentee you he has your best interest in mind, and longs to pour his love to you and your step brother, and bless you both! All I can say is, just trust God, pray, and wait for him to show you what he has for you both.
"... And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you." - Philipians 3:15

(I'm not writing this to you to preach at you or anything, but to encourage you in your situation, and your love for your step brother. God has been the only one who has proven his ultimate passionate love for me, and that no matter what I do or what may come, he will never leave nor foresake me. He is on my side, and he has been the main one to encourage me in the love I have for my step brother. I kept a LOT of what I felt about my step brother a secret from everyone because I didn't believe they would understand or agree, and it forced me to go to God with all my secrets, and it has been awesome with him.)

I want you to know I'm here for you, and want to encourage you and Marcus together! Know that you have a friend who is going through a simular situation who is praying for you, and is on your side!!!

Good luck, and God bless!!!

I'm so glad that I googled about this topic! I was 16 when my dad married my step mom. She had a son that was in his late 20s and a daughter that was a few years younger than him. I an count on one hand all the times that I've seen my step brother and step sister in the past 11 years or so. I am now 27 and I started dating a guy that just turned 37. I found out through facebook that he knew my step brother and sister. I friended my step sister, who is now 36-37, first and we started talking. I told my step mom, who I absolutely adore, that I found them on facebook. She told me that I should add E as well. I did and we didn't talk for awhile. I no longer see the man that knew them. The past couple of weeks E, who is 38 going on 39, and I started talking more and more. It started off as comments back and forth on eachothers pages making jokingly snide remarks. We then started emailing and chating in the IM. He and I exchanged phone numbers and started talking on the phone When we talked on the phone, we talked for hours. And we agreed that it was sad that we've known eachother for so long, but never really gotten to know eachother. We decided that we needed to get together and hang out. A few nights ago our IM chats started to turn into flirting. At first the flirting was questionable, but after awhile there was no question. We were diffently flirting. We then started to elude to eachother that maybe we were starting to like eachother a little more than we first thought. It got to the point where we finally gave up the IM and talked on the phone. We admitted that there was an attraction there, even though we haven't seen eachother in about 8 years. And we talked about if something were to happen between us how our parents and everyone in general would react. He told me before and stated again that he felt that we were too old for the whole step brother and step sister title, especially considering how old we were when our parents met. We know that my dad would kill him... My dad doesn't think much of him. We're not sure how his mom would react. Anyway, we agreed that we still wanted to see eachother. After that I was unsure if we were just going to be hanging out or if it was a date. We went out two nights ago. And it felt totally comfortable. Though I was sure that nothing was going to happen and if it did that it would be uncomfortable, but as the night wore on I found myself wanting to kiss him. I wanted to see if it would be uncomfortable. We soon got to the point where we didn't want to be at the bar anymore so we went back to my place to play some video games. Eventually we did kiss. It was everything BUT uncomfortable. It was amazing! We even made the comment that the kiss wasn't supposed to be that good that it was supposed to have been awkward. He ended up spending the night. That was amazing too. Afterwards he told me that as soon as him and I started talking that his sister and his grandmother both told him that something was going to happen between us. And he and I decided that we want to see where this goes and we made us official. I've gotten some critism from a friend of mine and she said that she thinks that it's a mistake. Another friend of mine is saying go for it. And he and I click on so many levels, like this could possibly be it. Yet I have this nagging feeling that he's my step brother and I shouldn't be feeling this way. My biggest concern being how our family will take it. E and I decided to just let them find out on their own. Anyone have any advice on how to handle this?