BellaOnline Forums Relationships Single Life Has Anyone Read "He's Just Not That Into You?"

Amen! That book is just a putdown of women...and it makes it sound like anything there's a problem in a relationship it is ALWAYS the woman's fault! Besides, how can you trust someone on ADMITS to being a "dog" when he was single? <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hey all, in response to Alexa's post I just wanted to point out that "Anonymous" agreed that it *was* important for women to raise their standards and that the book should just be read for entertainment purposes.

Also, I'm curious why the fact that the writer is married means he's "somewhat on track"?

This book is prompting a lot of interesting conversation. If there's a book you've read that has made you stop and think, please feel free to start a thread on it!

I too would like to ask why Alexa thinks the writer is "somewhat on track" just because he is married? There are a number of people who are married in this world, that are completely "off track" isn't there?

And as the anonymous post said before Alexa, the book does create a false reality for the women who buy into, but for others who are more realistic, it's just for entertainment -- a good laugh, and sarcastic conversation.

I just watched the Sex and the City last night that was the idea behind this book - the one where Berger tells Miranda that the guy she's seeing is just not that into her. It made me giggle. Whether the content of the book is on target or not, that book sure has made its mark...

My point about reading the book for entertainment purposes was in agreement with Anonymous, stating that anyone who took it as Gospel is obviously not much of a thinker. My point was that Anonymous implied that women who read the book would run out and stop thinking for themselves and throw good men over--it's just a book, not a brainwashing tool.

And the statement about Anonymous seeming to not want women to raise their expectations--I know that Anonymous voiced agreement about that but the statement that everyone would have to compromise and learn to live with certain things simply isn't true for all women, we only have to compromise if we choose to--and in that I'm referring to deal breakers (lying, cheating, mistreating)

Obviously some compromises have to be made in every relationship but the only time that I think they should NOT be made is when the behaviour of one person hurts the other or makes them unhappy, then the person should be cut loose and that is what I heard He's Just Not That Into You saying. Every woman has the right to not settle for anything less than what they feel they deserve and that is very different from woman to woman. That is where I differ with Anonymous because we shouldn't go into relationships feeling that it is wrong to want what we want, or that it is unrealistic as Anonymous said. I know where Anonymous was coming from meaning don't throw a guy over for something small when he is doing the big things right but who's to say that that one small thing isn't a deal breaker for a certain woman and she shouldn't feel guilty for feeling that way.

The point I made about him being married was not a debate of if he had married the right person, whether or not it would last, or whether or not he had a screw loose--I don't care about any of those issues--my point was that in terms of dating (and it is a dating book we're talking about) he had managed to date a woman, treat her considerately and respectfully, and land the deal of marriage. His wife obviously thought he was doing the right things through the course of their dating relationship or she wouldn't have married him.

The best behavior a woman is going to see from a man, is at the beginning of dating. If he isn't giving her his full attention, and being considerate then, that will only decline from there as time goes on. I can't believe that anybody wants to knowingly go further into that. I have to believe that most women seek to continue such a relationship mistakenly, because they are rationalizing the lack of attention. Men on their side of it, consider this communication, that "you're not the one". I thought that was the point of the book, and the point sure needed to be made because too many women were ending up in that downward spiral, right from date-1. <img src="/images/graemlins/rolling.gif" alt="" />

I think insight from the male ex-single point of view, was exactly what was missing, or too limited, in the overall market of relationship books. Along with that, being an entertaining read is definitely a big plus, too.

LOL, I have to wonder if a book like this could generate such a negative reaction, maybe some personally useful tactics are being exposed? <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

let me immediately say i have neither ever heard of, let alone read the book, but I feel the above statement may be flawed...

At the beginning of a relationship, we mask who we are in order to make a good impression.... Swept up by the powerful emotions romantic encounters are able to generate, we present an idelised persona to the other, and live under an unintentional or unconscious 'falseness'... we want his person to like us;.. we want them to admire us and find us attractive, both from a visual and a personal point of view....
Would you trim your nails infront of your husband? Would you wear a face-pack and hair-rollers....? Would you break wind infront of him, or burp?

Now would you do all this to the gorgeous divine man you'd just met?
No?

See?

That's what I mean....
It's only after time that we let our standards - and our guards - slip....
THAT'S When the real character comes out....

Soooo.... isn't that what I said? <img src="/images/graemlins/beamedup.gif" alt="" />
If the IDEALIZED behavior isn't good enough, do ya really wanna stick around for the toenails and farting stage?

(The post above is from me, not logged in.)