BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Does the woman get 'blamed' for being childfree?

waterlily,
ART and adoption isn't for everyone. they are expensive and emotionally draining processes, and there is no guaruntee you'll become a parent. we did several ART cycles, but learned this month we are not candidates for IVF because of my uterus (major suck factor there, lol). and both partners need to be on board for these things anyway. my dh got scared of adoption when we seriously researched it a few years ago. i'm sorry you have endometriosis. i do too. and i hate it.

i've noticed that as we get older, we don't get asked too many questions anymore. we do get weird looks, but not as many questions. that's a good thing. our families know what's going on, and they don't pressure us at all. i think it would be hard to take if we had pressure to produce grandchildren. i feel for those people whose families hound them about it.

My SO gave me the cutest puppy for Christmas. He's a mixed up mess. Some sort of hound with a bunch of other stuff thrown in. He's so sweet; but, my God, potty training... I can't imagine going through that with a human. I swear he had to go out every two hours all night long and all day long before he finally figured everything out. Thankfully we have a fenced yard we can leave him in when we're not here and he's finally figuring out the doggy door in the kitchen.

Yes, I think women get most of the blame, and I also think that most of the people who do the blaming are OTHER women. There's some quote from Chris Rock where he says that women would rule the world if they weren't so busy fighting each other! I think there's a bit of truth to that. My husband was an RA in college--once for a girls' floor, and once for the football players. He said the girls were much worse than the guys. The guys would get into fights and stuff like that, but girls would do sneaky things like replace someone's perfume with pee (true story) or put Nair in their shampoo...stuff like that.

[color:"blue"] Women can be each others worse enemies. [/color]

It's funny growing up you're led to believe women are allegedly nurturing and caring, I've learned even those who appear that way, have some pretty sharp claws! And they have kids. Wait till the sweetness wears off. Youch! I don't think I've ever been blamed. I think it has a lot to do with my loud mouth. they might get an honest response. Nobody wants that!

Interesting about having a hard time being CF and a psychotherapist, DST. A few years ago, I was having a really hard time with a coworker's pregnancy. I was mid-30's facing the kid/no-kid decision. DH is much younger than I am, so we just never thought about it much. It didn't help that my bio. clock never kicked in, either. But eventually that stressed me out b/c I thought I was "broken." I actually went to see someone about it, trying to figure out if I really wanted kids or didn't.

The therapist I saw more or less turned my whole conversation around to blame my husband for "denying" me something I "obviously wanted" because he was worried about what it would do to us financially, emotionally, etc. This woman basically told me that I should ignore his concerns and pretty much "oops" him into having a baby. And here I thought that if he had reservations, that we should address those before even considering having kids. Needless to say, I did not go back to her after a few sessions.

But it also put me off trying to find someone else to help me work through it. I felt like anyone I talked to would think I was this freak and wouldn't be objective unless they were also CF.

DH and I have since had many conversations about it and I know being CF is right for us. But it didn't help to have a therapist make me feel like I was wacko for questioning if I wanted kids or not.

[color:"blue"] I feel like my marriage is rather important to go through any treatments. I just don't want that kind of stress, for myself, or my dh. I wouldn't want to put any havoc on my relationship. I've read where it can be a definate relationship breaker.

Funny, my very own dad was giving me horror adoption stories. He said don't do it, it's not worth it.

Instead, just adopt a pet. <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> [/color]

[color:"blue"] Women can be so catty. Ugh. [/color]

women are always blamed more compared to men by the society.
It is wrong but true.

[color:"blue"] I came to realization that not only are women caddy, that the ones who have babies (some) can be VERY caddy to those who don't. (and I thank God again for this message board, mnks!) You guys are awesome! [/color]