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Thank you for the kind words. I feel everytime we get together she begins to realize the mistake she is making and that is why she tries to avoid it.

Well, my wife stopped by and picked up some of her personal belongings and hoarded the rest of them into one room in the house.

I was upset she just showed up, but I was glad I was home. She came in numbers with most of her family and luckily I had some friends on their way over to help me with some house repairs. The funny thing was as soon as they showed up she bolted.

The odd thing was she still had her wedding ring on. I asked her, Why?, Is it because your parents are here? She just looked at me and walked away. I found it very interesting to see the other face she was wearing, the I'm the victim and he is the jerk face. Makes me wonder what she is telling them.

Well, the good news is I was able to change the locks because she took out her personal items and I can now not worry about her coming by and cleaning me out. She still refuses to agree to the trial separation agreement or house agreement, so that is a thorn in my side at this point.

So, I planned a vacation yesterday and I can't wait to go and I started decorating the house the way I want it.

Does anyone know the procedure to buying out your spouse for the house?

I guess what I have to tell you is how much do you think that you deserve better than lies about your character. I think that I am attracted to a man who one, will not play this game and respects himself enough to say o.k. its time for me to move away from this situation as this person is not good to me or for me. Then reapproach those people whom she trashed your character not to discuss her but to keep your friendships. Make sure that your not afraid of being alone. I can assure you that being alone is a little frightening but nothing compared to the pain of the deceit, neglect and betrayal youre experiencing now. I wouldn't take her back anytime to soon, she has made a mistake going outside the relationship, thats forgivable, but lying about you, to you betrays a level of the I love you that this person professed. Mistakes happen, and people change but somethings like valuing another human being, especially your mate as a person, are deep seated and basically the core of every relationship. I bet she wouldn't even treat an animal this way, and if she would well then I would have to ask who are you to pick, knowingly such a blatently amoral human to associated with. You sound like a good guy, and there are alot of good women as friends and as mates waiting for you.
Take it slow, find a new place to live and make a little comfortable home, work hard and don't forget to laugh. Then reach out and live and look for someone is real and is a true friend to love.

Hi, Tobasco.

I'm with you on this one. I'm not happy with the level of treatment and the two faces I'm seeing from her. One face, is the loving we are still married face and the other is I'm out of here. She apparently still hasn't made up her mind, but I've pretty much made up mine.

As for being alone, I'm never alone, the Lord is with me at all times. The Lord would not give me something I cannot handle. I've been through harder times in my life than this and I believe that is helping me cope with the situation.

This was her choice and not mine, so I have to deal with the consequences at this point. As a friend to her, I feel bad for her because she doesn't understand the grass isn't greener on the other side yet. Also, by not admitting to herself what she has done in the relationship she is bound to repeat it again in the future.

So, my anniversary is coming up and we are seperated. I don't see this going anywhere anytime soon except down.

What do you do on your anniversary? Do you talk? Do nothing? Send flowers?

Hard one, by the time my anniversary came around my ex had already married his mistress, LOL! (one month between divorce and re-marriage.) <img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

If you are ready to file divorce, nothing; if you are not, then send yellow roses - the color signifying friendship. If your marriage is to survive, then the foundation needs to be based on friendship and honesty instead of passion (red roses) at this point in the game. Just say you are thinking about her.

That's my opinion, what say the rest of you?

Honestly?

I sent my husband a card, (he had by now, inspite of his pessimistic outlook, had a casual liaison witrh a lady friend)
and I said something to the effect that I'd moved on, he'd moved on, and that in view of this, life is worth just getting on with. I wished him well in his future, and hoped he'd be happy.

That was it.
He's never received another card from me again, and he's happy with that.
The picture on the front was as nice but neutral as it could be... No hidden perceived or subtle message with undertones.
It was one of these cards with no pre-printed message, and i think it was just of fields and mountains...

this is a hard one i suppose it depends on what you want and feel about the whole situation.
if you are thinking along the lines of divorce i would just keep it simple blank card just a few words.
if you want her to come to her senses then send her a card reminding her of the love you had for one another on your special day and send her some flowers.
remind her of what she is missing and what she walked away from!!

Hi, Ladies.

Thanks for your advice. I packed all of her personal items in the garage last night, so she doesn't have to come back into the house due to her taking items last week she shouldn't have.

I'll send her yellow roses and a card. I found some interesting items while packing her stuff, pictures of her with the man, little notes, stuff like that. Well, lets just say it helped fuel the fire in me to continue packing her belongs while I was exhausted.

I'm done at this point with the relationship and have essentially moved on. I've been reading A Purpose Driven Life and I'm really enjoying it. It has helped me tremendously.

She will realize in a little while what she has walked away from. She will also realize I have spent the last three months collecting evidence of her emotional affair with this man when we get a divorce. She is in for a surprise.

Excellent book! It will definitely give you a reason to get through all of this. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />