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Yeah, I'm being patient and distant as best I can, but the bottom line is I'm ready to get this over with.

She wants to meet on Saturday, but I cannot do it at all and she doesn't want to bend on the day. My guess is that she is getting a moving truck and wants to let me know that morning, so I want to layout what can and can't be taken. You know?

Hello Ladies. Here is an update.

My wife and I spoke yesterday and agreed to have dinner tonight. Then, last night she called me and insisted on meeting Saturday morning. I told her I was unavailable. She got very angry at me about it, but I stuck to my guns. She then said, well, I'm going to stop by the house and pick up some stuff. So, I said, what stuff? She said, stuff. I said, OK, but understand legally you are unable allowed to take personal items and anything you brought into the marriage from the house. You are not allowed to remove any furniture, pictures, or items that have been accumulated during the marriage. Legally, these items are to stay in the house and be divided at a future date when we can agree on them. She then got very angry and stated it is my house too. I said, I understand it is your house too, but this is the law because you left anything within the house acquired during the marriage stays.

She was very mad at me and started asking me if I have retained a lawyer. I told her that is the last thing I want to have to do, but I'm telling you this to save you from making any mistakes. I told her I want to be civil about the situation and asked her to calm down.

It was interesting. She hasn't contaced a lawyer yet or so she says and she is probably very upset that I'm aware she most likely wanted to get me out of the house for a while so family and friends could clean out the house. I guess she thinks I'm stupid.

My ex-sister-in-law did that to my brother.

She, (well, actually she didn't come at all, it was her dad and her brother) came and tooke everything out of the house except the master bedroom suite and the huge television armiore. I'm suuming they didn't take those because they were so big , they figured they would come ack for a second haul.

Luckily my brother happened to come back by the house. He and my Dad changed every lock on the place.

It was a very ugly divorce.

My divorce wasn't a happy one - but we at least managed to be civil about dividing of the assets. My main goal was to make things as painless as possible for the children, so he probably walked away with a lot more than he should have - but hey, I'm happy now with a wonderful husband. So it all worked out in the long run.

That's the thing to keep your eye on, this painful and hurtful part won't last forever. And as long as you continue to conduct yourslef with dignity (which you have been doing a wonderful job of BTW!) then you will always be able to hod your head up high - and it will be a lot easier to forgive her in the end. Because she will come to seem quite pitiable to you.

Hi, Bella. Thank you very much for your kind words. I feel I'm handling the situation very well and the support I have received from family, friends and God have been unbelievable.

Yesterday morning, I had a dream that Jesus was paging me. It was awesome!

I just talked to my lawyer and I have to provide my wife with the inventory and ask her what she feels she is entitled to, then I have to be at the house when she comes by to remove the items in order to ensure items removed are the ones agreed upon. That is going to be tough, I know it, but it must be done.

While talking to my wife last night, I could feel she is not doing well and having a hard time with me handling it so well. I feel bad for her at this point because she is surrounding herself with her family after she complained about how they have controlled her entire life and she is letting them do it again. It is very sad.

This is where you have to completely separate the Emotional form the Practical, and is something I learned during my separation and divorce....

I would personally proceed as follows:

1) Ask her, next time you speak to her, if she is intending that this move out, be permanent. In other words, is she harbouring any desire or wish to come back to you in the future, or not? Does she see you two ever getting back together?

(I suspect she'll squirm at this, and either tell you she hasn't made her mind up, she's not sure, and resent you for trying to pin her down....SO:)

If the answer is a definite 'NO' tell her that you want her to either put it in writing, and to date it, or accept that you are going to change the locks. Tell her you are willing to put that in writing, and do so, if necessary.

If the Answer is a definite 'YES' (ie, she does intend to come back) then tell her you want her back by a near specific date. No argument.

However, I doubt, from the sound of it, whether she'll be happy with this one....
I would consider, if I were you, buying a different lock, now.....

Tell her you have now consulted with a lawyer, and that you are going to be preparing a full inventory of all contents. You will mark what is yours, what is hers, and what is joint. Before anything is removed from the house, you will be submitting one to your lawyer, and one to her. You expect her to sign the copy for the lawyer, and your copy.

You really DO have to do this, and you really DO have to be very strong, and you really DO have to be completely Practical and innemotive on this one, Eddie....

It's now the only way to go. And change the locks, anyway. But tell her about it....It's only fair.

Hi, Alexandra.

I completed the inventory last night and marked the items I believe she is entitled to. I was kind enough to provide her with some of the furnishings from the home, so she isn't without anything. I provided her with utensils, plates, bowls, etc....

So, I think I'm being very fair at this point. My lawyer instructed me I can change the locks after she has removed all of her possessions and especially if she states she has no intention of coming back, so I have purchased the locks and installed them at this time. Considering I will be at the house when she is moving the items out this will not be a problem.

I'm still supposed to meet with her tonight, so we can hang out and talk. Hopefully, she keeps the commitment, but time will tell. If she does not, I have to e-mail her the list and stipulate a response within a certain time period, so she can still keep her plans to move items out on Saturday.

At this point though, everything is just hypothetical, but my gut is telling me she wanted to get me out of the house so she could have someone come by and clean me out.

I'm handling this situation as a business transaction at this point and I have been treating the house as an investment property. I have separated my feelings from the situation when dealing with property and other interest.

I will ask her the next time I talk to her if she intends on ever coming back as you have suggested and deal with the answer. By the way the situation is going right now, I believe she will not be coming back, so I'm dealing with that reality right now. I do feel bad for her though, I really think she doesn't have a grasp of the situation.

I'm going to draw up a document for her to sign regarding the possessions as well as her intentions with the relationship. It is going to be tough to ask for finality, but this is something that needs to be done.

Do you think maybe I'm rushing things a bit? Or am I just protecting myself from further hurt? Also, I'm starting to notice mutual friends are not as friendly with me is this to be expected?

Thanks again for all of your help this has been an unbelievable help for my emotional, mental, and physical well being. God Bless You!

I think probably, at the moment you must be flying 'by the seat of your pants' as this is probably an extremely bizarre and unreal situation... I think, as far as my opinion goes and for what it's worth, you are doing the very best you can with the tools you've got, quite frankly. I would certainly sleep on major decisions...If it helps (and in a way, on forum, you're doing this already!) write your important thoughts and decisions down - then go back to them the next day, and see if you still feel the same. NOTE: Legally-based decisions aren't up for this kind of scrutiny, as you're kind of bound by the Law...But there's flexibility everywhere.
I think you've got a good and sensible grip on it.
The important thing, I'm sorry to say*, is that you must now put you and what you want, first.
She is after all, doing the same thing for herself.
As for friends - this is not uncommon. Just make sure you don't say anything negative about her (no repercussions or accusations)and remain respectful and dignified... and know that it's inevitable....but there are plenty of new friends out there!



*'Sorry to say', because I attempt, through my own discipline, to practise compassion.... but as i've said before, there's no point being a doormat with it. I think you've got a good balance;...but you're probably also functioning on adrenalin, so there's an energy keeping you going....
Make sure you have some good reliable loving and dunderstanding folk to land on, as and when you feel yourself 'shaky' or winding down.....

Yeah, I think she is the one saying the negative things and I'm not stooping to that level.

I have been putting myself first with everyting I'm doing. This is one thing that has been making her angry. She continually asks me what I'm doing and when, so I just say, this is really none of your business. Do I ask you what you are doing? Then she says, "No" and proceeds to tell me and then asks me again what I'm doing and I say, "I have no obligation to tell you that and I'm not going to."

Having compassion and being a doormat are two different things. You can feel the difference and know when someone is taking advantage of your good intentions.

I have a great support system of family and friends who have been unbelievable and I have this board with you ladies that has been a God send and I'm very thankful for this.

Surprise, she just bailed on our plans tonight. I asked her to call me so we can talk. Should I just send her the inventory and agreements?

We had a nice lunch for the most part today.

We talked about the relationship a bit, she still doesn�t now what she wants to do, if she is moving in, if she wants to work on the relationship. So, I told her, the way we are handling this right now is not helping the situation at all and if you want to work on it we need to reopen the lines of communication. Then we kissed on two different occassions, both times she cried. I said to her, do you remember a couple of weeks ago when you said to the counselor, I think Eddie is where I was six weeks ago, she said Yes. I then said, I think I�m not where you were any longer and she was like then you are were I am and I said no, I�m two steps ahead of you at this point. She smiled. I said, something funny about that, she said no, I�m just surprised. I said, look, if you want to work on this then we need to do it, if not then just say the word.

I asked if she got an apartment yet, she said no, I asked what she needs from the house she said clothes and stuff. So, I�m going to send her the e-mail and agreements of separation and household items. We will see what happens with that.

I asked her if she would like to move back in and try living together for a bit and she said I don�t know I�m sure not right now.

I think she feels I�m done at this point. She started talking about going to the counselor earlier on in the relationship and I said, look, I can�t change it and neither can you, so let�s not dwell on it.

I still want to save my marriage, but I think it is over.

You can't do it by yourslef. As much as you want to save you marriage - she has to meet you at least halfway.

I tried and tried with my 1st husband, counseling (2 different ones because he didn't like the first) - but when I walked in early from work one day and caught him on the phone with his mistress, after he promised to break things off with her: I knew things would never change. The day I moved out he begged me to stay - I said, "move to Georgia with me, because you work with her here, and it will never be fixable here." He said he would, he just neede to get the house on the market. When I called to talk to him one day, she answered the phone. I had done all I could.

You've done all you can. It's her turn. There needs to be a show of effort on her part, or else she'll be running you the rest of your life. I never encourage divorce, but sometimes there is no other way. And if one spouse is unwilling to stay in the marriage (as your wife seems to be) then that is one of those cases. Just protect your heart as best you can, and remember that not all women are like this!

The man I am married to now is wonderful. If I had let my first husband turn me off to all romance and marriage, I never would have found the love of my life, and a wonderful father for all of my children - even those that are not biologically his!