BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality New Age Energy vampires

Great article Lauren. I have seen these "needy" folks as giving me the lessons in strengthening my own boundaries too. I have had clients over the years who were such energy vampires. What I found out was that they hooked up to my energy because I let them. When a client calls you at home at 10pm and wants to vent and you LET them, there is definately a boundary issue LOL. I have pretty good boundaries now <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I have two tots (now 9 and 6) and I remember when I was breastfeeding! It seemed like everyone wanted a piece of mama, and mama got nothing in return! Then my midwife gave me this poster to hang in my bedroom called "Meditations for women who do too much." One of the sayings on it that has stuck with me is "Solitude is not a luxery. It's a right and a necessity." It was then I taught my family the meaning of "if mama's not happy, no one is happy." BLAR HAR HAR HAR! Once I learned to take time for myself I felt SOOOO much more rejuvinated.

Maybe (being an ex-kid myself <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) I could just point out the difference between kids (who seem to know exactly which buttons to push, I admit) and adults... Our children are without doubt, 'energy vampires'... But there's a need there, a desire to be near the mother and be nurtured...
Families are certainly in this category also, especially those who haven't moved on from "father is the financial provider, mom does just about everything else!" mind-set...
But 'strangers' and 'friends' are different. They have no emotional attachment or agenda... they just see it and want it for themselves.....so in a sense they're more selfish and dangerous. At least we get love back from our families (generally... i don't want to get into realms of dysfunction here....!!)and we have a good time with them, now and then.... but these vampires outside of the family realm are more insiduous, cunning and emotionally draining.

A Good way to judge it is if you spend a lot of time talking to your partner or mature kids about this person's problems - then they've got you exactly where they want you. Your lives revolving around theirs.

I had two emotional leeches, or vampires... and I dealt with them in a really effective, and astonishingly quick way.
No wooden stakes or blood-shed involved.... wanna know more....? <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

As I said in the article with our children we mostly donate our energy quite willingly, it is kind of in the parental job description, but we need to take especial care of ourselves when family members get ill, otherwise we end up on our knees.

I've had those client lessons too Deanna- you have to learn them quickly or you end up one burned out therapist. Sounds like you had a very switched on midwife!

I'd love to hear how you dealt with your vampires Alexandra. Please share <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Unfortunately, those who are "vampires" are usually the saddest of us all. The reason they hang on and attempt to suck us dry has as much to do with their bottomless need as it does our need to help...Sometimes a stake thru the heart is the kindest end...at least to our misery. Running away works too; I highly recommend it!

I have a client who is an energy vampire. When our appointment is over I will walk her out and take my next client in. When I come out an hour later my first client is sometimes still in the waiting room talking to the receptionist LOL. The poor receptionist ends up looking like a trapped deer everytime my client walks in the door LOL. She's getting better though, and our receptionist is learning all about boundaries now too <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well thank you...
I don't pass these on as a trophy-ism... that is to say, I'm not trying to show how clever I was, I'm just passing this on in the hope that maybe the example will help others....

The first was a lady I had known for some time... she had married a colleague of mine, and for the first couple of years of their marriage, all seemed idyllic.... then they seemed to 'age' thirty years... they became mr & mrs. Moron, and bickered and whinged at everything...
I would get a call from her at least twice a week, whining about something else that had gone wrong, or someone who'd let them down, or how she and her husband were at each others' throats...
My eldest daughter, (then aged six) received a late birthday card from her. Instead of enclosing maybe a separate letter or note, for me, she wrote, atually in the card, something along the lines of:
"Dear Pippa, sorry this card is late, but hubby has been made redundant, and the dog has had to have a life-saving operation, and I this, and we that, and goodness knows how we'll manage, and I just don't know what we'll do next...sob sob...."
Well, that was the final straw. In a birthday card?? To a six-year-old - ??
So I wrote back.
Dear B.," I said, "Sorry to hear about your plethora of mishaps. We are doing really well! Hubby has received a raise, and I have found a job working in.... and Pippa's doing very well in her new school, and the garden is looking really lovely and all my roses are out...."
I kept my letter so upbeat, it almost sang....

I never heard from her again.

The other person would come round at all hours of the day (and night!) she ruined a new year's party I was holding, by turning up at ten to midnight, beating on the door, crying her eyes out, moaning because the married man she was having an affair with was spending new year's eve with his wife...! Happy New year everybody.... !!

With young kids, I very rarely ever went out, but one night, I had been invited to a hen-night, and I mentioned it to her, including the venue... That evening, whilst out with my friends, having a good time and being out for the first time in - I kid you not - possibly two years - I received a phone call from the local hospital telling me she had been brought in having taken an overdose. I had no choice as she had given my name as next of kin (!!) to go to the hospital.
Awful as it sounds, I'm sorry to say that there is no doubt in my mind that she did this quite deliberately. She knew exactly where I'd be, at what time and just wanted the attention....She hadn't taken enough, it appears, to have done any real lasting damage, but they'd pumped her out nevertheless...
After her recovery, she took a holiday and went to Spain to stay with her parents in the villa they'd bought for their retirement. She wrote me a long letter (think "woe is me" for three sides of A4!!) and I wrote back telling her that basically, everything I'd ever advised her to do, she had without exception turned round and done the opposite. So she was on her own now. her mistakes were hers, and hers alone to make, and jolly good luck.
Apparently, I found out later, this letter made her absolutely seethe, and she broke a few things into the bargain. She called me all the names undder the sun, and said I was trecherous....How do I know this? Her mother wrote to me begging me for advice... on how to deal with her 43-year old daughter - ?? She was eating, drinking and smoking them out of house and home....
I'm afraid I gave her short shrift as well.

A friend of mine dealt with an emotional vampire, by saying -
"Yes, we've covered that one, I told you what I think, now let's move on. Next...?"

Again, that one disappeared back into the woodwork...!!

Alexandra,
I think you handle them very well. When people would ask me how I am doing I would jokingly say "I'm ok, I could complain but who would listen" and I thought it was kinda funny but I have stopped saying that, alot of people took it too serious.

Great methods Alexandra. The upbeat reply was my absolute favourite <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Very interesting that when you decided 'enough was enough' they went elsewhere for a feed. Roni is right, they are usually very sad people & draining you dry won't be enough to fill their own emptiness. They have to learn about self-responsibility & sometimes this kind of firm 'no more' approach really is all that will work.
Your poor receptionist Deanna. The unfortunate thing is I used to work at a complementary health centre where the receptionist *was* the energy vampire & she would try to get her teeth into you before your clients arrived. She would even pour out her woes to your clients as they sat in the waiting room- it was unbelievable. Not really a suitable person for that setting <img src="/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

No... But what a great basic idea for a comedy show....!!