BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Do you think you'll ever regret not having kids

When I have asked myself if I will ever regret my decision, my thoughts soon turn to that I would definitely regret having them. I, too, knew in my childhood that I never wanted to be a mother. My own mom really made it a point to imply almost daily how my sister and myself had made her life so hard and how you are in actuality trapped as a parent-especially as a single parent.
So, I knew then that there was no way that I would allow myself to be trapped with children that I would one day live to regret having-as was the case with my mom because she had in fact wanted children and always made mention of that.
It is hard to get some people to understand that though. Especially, my anti-CF friends (or associates). Children are not meant for everyone and every woman is not meant to be a mother. I much rather live to regret not having them than for me and the children to all live to regret that they were even born. That to me is much more cruel because you have dragged an innocent person into this situation. I think it is human nature for us all to wonder if we have made the right decisions in life and to have some regrets.

I was married 4 months ago & people are already asking when we plan to have kids (i'm 32, husband 36). I just tell everyone that I enjoy my life too much to change it. I really can't fathom the idea of being pregnant, having the kid & everything else that goes along with it for the next 18 + years. However, I do think that when I am old I will miss having a relationship with a grown "child". However, that fear is not enough of a reason for me to have a kid. If I do feel like I am missing something at that point I'll go shopping, get involved in my community, travel or whatever. Bottom line, the possibility of regret is not enough to make me turn my life upside down & spend all my free time caring for a baby.

plus if any of us really does a 360 & decide that we regret not having kids, adoption is always an option.

This is actually one of my big fears that somehow I am denying myself some dream that I just don't realize I want. BUT the thing is- I don't want kids now (am 32 and husband 36- together 10 years) and I can't live my life according to what was or what might be...so I have reached the conclusion that I need to have faith and confidence in my decision or I will drive myself crazy...So, the short answer is no...I do think I would regret not enjoying my life though and for me that means no children...they give me a headache :-)

I am also new to the forum, and I was really searching the web for reasons, as a kind of gutt-check. I am 42, dating a 27-year-old single mom for the past 2 months. I had to tell her the other day that I really did not want children, although I would welcome her child if we went that far. I simply told her of the reasons I had, ranging from financial to mental and emotional reasons. She was disappointed to the point of tears. I told her this because she was REALLY aggressive with wanting sex, and I was having ugly daydreams about torn condoms and heightened legal obligations. I don't want children, but I thought she was at least beyond that phase. She took the discussion to mean I was breaking up with her, which I wasn't. I think she may be, soon, breaking up with me. She feels sorry for me for not wanting to be happy in life (by having children). I just do not see it her way, and now, I am sorry she cannot see it my way.

Do people openly pity you? single choice

Yes (13%, 1 Votes)

No (88%, 7 Votes)

Total Votes: 8 Voting on this poll ends: 03/23/06 05:17 PM

I think it's really good you where honest and up front with her. And I hate to say it there are girls out there that will resort to the old trick of "Trapping you" and your smart to know that that could happen. I feel like Some people think that my life is meaningless because I don't have kids. I see it as I can spend my money and time on whatever I want and not have to run the Kido here and there all damn day and I get to bed earlier then any parent I know!!! I also think that people who do choose to have kids are a bit jealous of me for not having them and the ability I have too spend my money and time on WHATEVER I want. When I do talk to a person with kids and they try and lay that [censored] on me about how wonderful they are and I'll regret not having kids I just get the feeling "Misery loves company"!!!! They're unhappy and sleep deprived and they want to get everyone they can to be in the same boat with em!!!!! No thank you!

NOPE! Don't regret it! Don't want any and ain't havin' any! Thanks, Essure! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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I think many people don't actually think about having children, they just do it because that is the way it happens.

We are taught by society from a young age that you are expected to reproduce, it is natural and is the only way for the human population to carry on. It is something which has been ingrained into everyone for hundreds of years. But when someone stands back and says "wait a minute I don't actually want kids" they are seen as freaks. You can almost imagine these people thinking "if you aren't going to have kids, then what the hell are you here for?".

Some (not all) people who have children quite possibly cannot understand the choice made by others to remain cf. It is simply against their understanding of the world as they know it. I can understand that. They may compare it to say being given wings and not wanting to fly.

At the end of the day having or not having a child is personal choice and people should respect that. Not having children does not make you inhumane, it does not make you any less of a woman or a man.

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