BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Ease or Difficulty Getting A Tubal Ligation??

I am 31 years old and have finally decided to take my life and my future into my own hands and speak to my personal dr. about my wishes to become sterilized. I am to speak with her next Wednesday afternoon, and to be honest, I am at my wit's end going through all these scenarios in my head of what she might say, and basically ending with me going insane over all the questions. (and then having her 2nd-guess whether I'm of "sound mind" to make such a decision) I have only been seeing her for 6 months but from what I gather she seems like a very nice gal. But I have no idea how she'll react. She does know that I want her to help me find an OB/GYN to give me the tubal. I emailed her about it telling her I didn't want to go through the Yellow Pages to find one.

Basically, I just want to be taken seriously. I want the medical profession to be on my side and even if they don't agree with my point of view (i know she has at least one child), that they will respect my wishes.

My husband totally supports my decision (if he didn't, we wouldn't even have gotten married in the first place, hello!), in fact we're planning on using our tax return money to pay for what the insurance won't cover for the surgery. I already checked with my insurance and though I have a deductible to meet, once that's met, I only have to pay 20%. I also don't need any pre-certification. I'd like to have it done this June when I will be getting 2 more weeks vacation from work. (as opposed to now I've only got 1 day left)

The bottom line for me is why bother going through all the stress and worry about whether or not I took my Pill too late or can I really enjoy my love life with dh without worrying or in the event that I *do* become pregnant - - I would get an abortion without hesitation...but why go to that trouble? Whose to even say we'll still have that right in the next few years anyway? And it's not like you have your pick of who does your abortion either. Why go through all of that childish (pun not intended) nonsense, when I can plan my future (like the adult I am) by having the tubal?

In any case, I wanted to see what everyone else's experiences were when confronting their personal dr.'s and eventually the OB/GYNs. What was said to you, asked of you? Was there something that you said to them that really made them believe this was really what you wanted and needed to do? I'm just wondering the scenarios, if I'm being too worrisome, or if I just need to be prepared.

~Tracy

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Hello All!
I am new to this board and I have thought about getting a tubal ligation since I was 18 (I am 27 now). I, too, am tired of people treating me like I am insane for not wanting to have children. I have known for years that I did not want children and knew I had to do something to prevent the possibility of changing my mind in the later future.
I did not even think the insurance company would cover a tubal ligation for a woman that did not have children. One of my associates (I don't really care for her so I can't call her a friend) is very anti-childfree lifestyle and affirms that no insurance company would pay for a tubal for woman with no children. I have always argued that this should not be the case. It is much cheaper for the insurance companies to pay for a tubal ligation then to pay for all of the expenses related to childbirth, check-ups, etc from birth to whatever age.
I will check with my insurance company Monday to see if they do. Either way, I am making an appt with my ob/gyn to discuss getting the tubal ligation. I always thought they would not do a tubal ligation on a woman with no children. But, from reading the posts here, I now know this is not the case.
Also, let me add, that is so refreshing to know that I am not the only woman in this world that has made the well-informed decision to remain child free. <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" />

Honestly DST Lady, I was told flat-out by my employer that my insurance through them would not cover a tubal ligation unless I either had a child first or if I could prove it was medically necessary. BUT, knowing how cheap they are (especially when I've overheard the CFO complaining about someone's wife who had cancer and had to have expensive surgery and how expensive it was insurance-wise on the company), when I personally called Wellmark myself just a few weeks ago, I had them look up my insurance policy with them, they said that there's no reason why a tubal ligation would not be covered. I have to pay the deductible first, then they'll pay 80% of the rest...and I don't have to have the surgery pre-certified at all. SOooo, needless to say, I am not discussing my health with my employer now at all. If I have questions I call the Customer Service number on the back of my card.

Honestly I totally agree with you because the way I see it, WHY would my employer PREFER to have me have 2-3 kids, costing thousands of dollars per child just to give birth to the things (not to mention the prenatal [censored] you have to go through), THEN adding on all the sicknesses and complications that children can have medically - - OVER me having a ONE-TIME surgery with a ONE-TIME cost that might be $3,000-$5,000 Maximum. Period. ??? That doesn't make sense to me at all.

In any case, I never updated what happened at my Dr.'s appointment, it went REALLY WELL! I've now got a tubal consult appointment with a OB/GYN on April 3rd.

My regular Dr. though, she was really cool about the whole thing. She just listened to what I had to say without any odd looks, and genuinely said that it's my personal choice and who is anyone else to say anything against it. I told her my feelings in general about how I've thought about all the other forms of birth control, but that since I know that I don't ever want children in my life 24/7, that I know that a tubal is the right decision for me. She then said, "Well at this point I'll tell you this - - I'm pretty much the gatekeeper here so we'll go ahead and get you an appointment for a consult to speak with an OB/GYN and they'll go ahead and do the surgery that you want them to do. What I'd like to do is go ahead and refer you to one of two different dr's, cuz they are my favorites, they are both extremely understanding and I know they would be compassionate towards your situation, and we'll set up your consult appointment for you. It's best if your husband goes with you to this appointment to show that you have a united front and that you both understand what will happen for the surgery. But other than that, it's really fairly easy. It's obvious to me that you've thought about this, you've known a long time, and there's no reason you shouldn't be able to have this since that's what you want."

I'm still going to mentally prepare myself for any bingoes should they arise at the OB/GYN's office, but I hope that I don't have to be made to feel like I have to be on the defense while I'm there.

Good luck with your quest and keep us updated!

~Tracy

Hi All,
I have been visiting this site for a while now, found it on some web page and decided to check it out.
I am a 48 yr old male and have not found " the one" yet specifically because of the no kids issue.
This topic is somewhat familiar to me, in that my vasectomy was done at my request when I was 30. There was the expected discussion from the surgon asking me if I really thought this through, that he was a parent and enjoyed it, etc....
I was not involved at the time, and thought that it would be less of a hassle to do it then needing no second opinion to deal with.
I have no regrets and hope that tresanne gets to do what she decided to. And freespirit stated it exactly when she says WTF? about this decision.
It seems the doctors have this psych thing they have to do to you, especially when you're "too young" in their view.
I had made the arrangements, drove myself to the hospital, had the operation done, and drove myself home the same day.
I was out of work for a couple of days to rest and went back to work with some minor discomfort. Big deal it wasn't.
I am curious however on some of the women's take on this, that some of us guys have been down that same road and that I had succeeded in my decision.
I knew there was going to be some opposing viewpoints from some women in the time to come, starting with the gal who took my "sample" back at the hospital to comfirm that I had a zero sperm count. The smile she had went away after my answer to her question to me asking if I was married was "no", and that I had no girlfriend.
It hasn't gotten much simpler. Any input on how to address a woman's question on why I did this, other than the obvious?
The women here aren't going to do the "psych eval" regarding a male's decision, it's the ones on the other side of the fence that look at me differently once they know.
thanks for the input.
ba1957

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ba1957-just keep looking, you will find a woman that feels the same way. Just be honest with her and she'll either understand or move on. As you see from this website, there are women that feel the same way you do about not wanting children.

freespirit-I imagine it will always be that a woman that doesn't want children will be vilified in this society. God forbid she should have a sterilization procedure to make sure of this! I have jokingly mentioned getting one in the past and you would have thought that I said I was a child rapist from their reaction. <img src="/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> So, they are certainly not going to know when I actually have the procedure.

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Thanks for the input freespirit. You can rest assured that I for one don't question your decision.
As a social services caseworker I get to see the single parents - mostly women - that come for some form of assistance. And having grown up in a divorced parent household, I had the experience of seeing what it is like to be in an unstable situation. This is something that sticks with you when you become an adult. The real bottom line is that children should be WANTED, not simply accidents that happened, as I see daily at my job. That is what the people that you encounter fail to comprehend. They expect you to reproduce regardless of the feelings you may have about childbearing. I happen to get along fine with most kids, I sometimes feel that I still am - from time to time. But this is not a decision to be taken lightly. We are not after all going to be raising "pets". They are going to need time, effort and devotion to raise them. And if anyone cannot be sure they will put 110% into being a parent, they have no business being one. This is apparently some sort of way to " be an adult" to some people.
And when they come to the realization that it isn't what they expected, it isn't a pretty thing to see. And not good for the kids either.

I think if you know your limits and life expectations, this shouldn't be such a big issue.

You do what YOU think is good for you. After all, those others that disagree with you won't be the ones that have to raise the children now will they?

thanks for the input dstlady6.
Guess there are actually gals out there that think this way too.