BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Autism Spectrum Disorders 18 Year Old w/social problems

I have an 18 year old son who has Asperger's. He is very smart, honor student, but has bad social skills. He sees a Dr. for this, but don't know that it really does that much good, but we;ll see. My son is trying to meet girls and make friends, but bless his heart does not know what to do correctly. He seems to be attracted to girls' his mental age, 14/15, freshmen, but he is a Senior. The girls will talk to him, but after a day or so, ignore him. He gets so frustrated! Now one girl he liked ( a week, but to him it was serious, has dumped him and has her friend bothering him.. He was so frustrated he told her to leave him alone or he would have his freind take care of her. Then her sophomore brother came to our house threatening my son and going off on me. I was concerned because this boy just got out of juvenile. My son has no record, just said things and don't think. Well, I called the police just to get advice and this thing as gotten bigger than I wish. The school is involved. Instead of this boy coming to my house and giving threats, they are saying my son threatened his sister and he is the one who will be kicked out of school. They are taking his medical into consideration and giving him another chance. We have appt. with his dr. this afterhoon. I am so scared these kids will not lay off him and my son will say or do something under stress that will affect his whole life. I talk to him, but he just does not cope with real life and how serious this is. Any suggestions on how I can help my son with these social issues??? Thanks in advance..... <img src="/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I wish I had easy answers for you. For different reasons, over the years I have faced the "social issues" discussion with doctors and educators with my son.

Frankly, I've gotten to the point where I feel my son has to deal with the problem himself. I have given him the tools, now it is up to him. Anything further I do will just be interference. He has to decide to do it for himself.

Sounds a bit like tough love, doesn't it? Not sure who it is tougher on...the parents or the kids.

Good luck. Keep loving him but try not to suffocate him at the same time. It is a lot to ask when you know there is a problem.

HI Tina ~

Thanks for posting and good luck with the Dr appointment today. Since your son is now 18 and considered an adult this is an area that is worrisome, and I believe many other families go through this.

Hope you don't mind, but I copied your posting without relaying any data but the state you reside in, to a yahoo group I belong to called Autism-Risk-Safety. I included the link to the forum here and if there are any responses to the group I will post them here for you.

There are two OASIS Delphi Forums that get daily traffic that I would suggest you post on. This one is Raising AS Teens and Young Adults (I joined and posted several weeks ago, but they want parents of 12 and older, and my son turns 11 next month).

http://forums.delphiforums.com/as_oasis_over12/start

This one is the main site forum for OASIS Asperger Support

http://forums.delphiforums.com/aspergeroasis/start

This way by posting at the first link you will certainly get some feedback from parents of children in the same age group.

Have you been to this site:

Avoiding unfortunate situations:

http://policeandautism.cjb.net/avoiding.html

They have a book and video I believe. There is a yahoo group called aut-older that I belong to. The list members have kids that are older, like your son's age.

Were you able to visit the OASIS forums? How is everything going now this weekend?

Have you tried role playing with your son, how are his social skills?