BellaOnline Forums Travel and Culture Polish Culture More smiles?

... and a Green Card in America is not Green.

Chris, I award you 200 marks out of 100! Yes, it is a bright orange.
Leslie

Another of my gems!

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street.
As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. Just Released - New LP � �Wasps Of The World And The Sounds That They Make� - Available Now!"
Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."
"Certainly, sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."
The world expert on European wasps and the sounds they make goes into the booth and puts on the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."
"I'm sorry sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."
The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.
Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"

"I'm terribly sorry, sir" says the young man, "Perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again you could have 5 more minutes."

Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."

"I really am terribly sorry sir, but I think I know what�s happened", says the young assistant,





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"I've just realised I was playing you the bee side.".

Leslie

LOL Leslie,

I believe we should pollinate the world with smiles !!!!!

Hilarious!! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Especially for the women of BellaOnline!
>A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife
>stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
>"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife
>merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please
>allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.
>
>God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next
>morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked
>breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school
>clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to
>school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the
>cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery
>shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills
>and balanced the checkbook.
>
>He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
>Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the
>laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to
>the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on
>the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to
>do their homework,
>
>then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the
>ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for
>salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
>After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded
>laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was
>exhausted and,though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to
>bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get
>through
without
>complaint.
>
>The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said,
>Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my
>wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us
trade back."
>
>The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have
>learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the
>way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though - you got
>pregnant last night."
>
>Voted Women's Favorite Email of the Year
Leslie!!

Leslie, Here is a good follow-up I just received from a friend. You know from the writing that she is a REAL mother!

In this life, I am a woman. In my next life I would like to come back as a bear. When you are a bear you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate you are supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When you are a girl bear you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you�re sleeping and you wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you are a momma bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you are a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup, gonna be a bear!

OK, to demonstrate I am not a sexist (the bear story WAS from a REAL mother!), here is the true story of Adam:

God said.....

God said, "Adam, I want you to do Something for me."


Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"


God said, "Go down into that valley."


Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him.

Then God said, "Cross the river."

Adam said, "What's a river?"

God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......."

Adam said, "What is a hill?"

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave"

Adam said, "What's a cave?"

After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."

Adam said, "What's a woman?"

So God explained that to him, too.


Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."


Adam said, "How do I do that?"


God first said (under his breath), "Geez....."


And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.


So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.


Then, in about five minutes, he was back.


God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"


And Adam said


*


*


*


*


*

*

*

"What's a headache?

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some
Cyanide.

The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll
lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of
bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you CANNOT have any cyanide!"

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you
didn't tell me you had a prescription."