BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Please send me advice?

Igive,
You have been getting some great advice here, and I would just like to add my 2-cents worth: Press for the counseling. You cannot offend him by showing him that your marriage is important to you. He needs to "grow up" and acknowledge that there is a problem, and rededicate himself to you and your marriage by working through this with you. I'll bet you that his fear is based on what he feels are his own inadequacies - something that I confess I understand first hand - and he may fear that counseling will expose them. Reassure him that your focus is to repair your relationship, not to find fault.

Igive, I wish you the best on your reconciliation, but I hope that you are preparing for your own future--you are in a precarious situation! Because you love him, you are paying for a house he can kick you out of, you invested your life's savings, and changed careers and you make this man dinner and wash his clothes. He doesn't even buy you presents, tells his friends you are cheating, and tells you your breasts are too small, then stays away overnight and has the audacity to be offended that you suggest counseling. Maybe I'm missing something here, but love is not just a word, it's a verb, an action. You are a beautiful woman and his behavior is emotional abuse. It's hard to see it when you're in it, but ask yourself why you believe he loves you when he can't be bothered to buy you a present? Do his actions show love, or just his words? Being spoiled is no reason to be a jerk, either.

And...next time?

These are patterns of behavior. Don't fall for it darlin'!

A good husband would at least 'humor' you, and go along to counseling. At worst, it's a waste of a little time.

A classic abuser pattern is to make the abused feel that they are in the wrong -- imagining things, overreacting...

Your right, the pattern is persistant. I insisted counciling the other night and he refused...Now, I truly give. Again tonight for the third night in a row he is gone, telling me over brief phone conversations one excuse after another. I thought he was going out to work but he wasnt he said he was helping a friend and he would be along soon. My heart has broken for the last time.

Proud of you! I think you will feel much better once you are free of him and things settle down.

If you need breakup/obtaining your freedom advice, don't hesitate to ask. There are plenty of us who can lend a hand. Or at least an ear.

I'd talk to a lawyer right away, to protect your assets and credit rating and all the rest. Take care of practical matters first -- it will dial down the stress.