BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids so many issues

Kat,
I agree with you. However, I sometimes wonder - how tolerant are cf people of themselves? There are some cf folks out there who are like 'see, we're right' when a parent says he/she regrets his decision. The truth, however, is that people who received a tubal/vasectomy may also regret their decision. Ok, these people weren't cf to begin with, but so-called 'fence sitters' - at best. But to me it seems like that some cf people are blind for these people. I am tolerant of:
- people who chose to be parents
- cf people
- fence sitters.
I don't care - we're all the same, but some cf people are so focused on the cf life-style. In fact, they are too focused. A good friend of mine had a daughter in February. She is so unhappy. I did not ask her why she decided to keep it as that's none of my business. I support her as she has no self-respect and I am trying to help her with that. Had she had a tubal and regretted it, I would have been there for her too. I just feel like there are cf people around who don't really know what being cf actually means. Being cf does NOT mean you can bash on parents and fence sitters and say 'see, I made the right decision' when someone - like my friend - regrets his/her choice to be a parent. What is the right decision? We make choices, every day. The best choices are the choices that make YOU happy as YOU are the center of your own life and NO one else. This has nothing to do with selfishness - it is all about self-respect. It is wonderful to love someone or something to death, but you should always love YOU a little bit more.

I can easily see myself feeling the same way my friend does. But I can also see why people regret a tubal/vasectomy. It is all about what you wish for yourself. I don't know what it is like to want a child. I have said it before: I guess I was born cf. I really don't like kids, as a matter of fact, they highly irritate me and I really can't stand them, not a second, but that's it. There are people around who can't stand my cats. So what? But I DO know what it is like to want something so bad you're ready to do anything to get it. Still see where I am coming from, Kat? :-)

Ha ha, I just realized I put that last post in the wrong thread! <img src="/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, I completely understand your perspective.

I wish those with children could understand ours. I always hear "I don't know how you could possibly not want kids." I always respond with "I don't know how you could possibly want them." When I hear some screaming child I always ask myself, "why in the world would anyone want to do that to him or herself?" And trying to figure it out, for me, is the equivalent of trying to hear the voices inside the head of a schizophrenic.

Our close friends right now are black and very CF. They met online and are now married and happy!

Kat,

I also can't understand why people want kids. But I can understand why people want something so bad to be happy. If a kid is what they really, really need to be happy - so be it.

That's how I feel about it.

Gardengirl,

That's a wonderful love story. You say your friends are black - are they being discriminated on because they're black and cf? I hope not. I am black myself, my bf is white. I do face some discrimination because of my cf lifestyly, but not because of my skin color.

Great to see how some online friendships work out. :-)

[color:"red"] "I sometimes wonder - how tolerant are cf people of themselves? There are some cf folks out there who are like 'see, we're right' when a parent says he/she regrets his decision."I sometimes wonder - how tolerant are cf people of themselves? There are some cf folks out there who are like 'see, we're right' when a parent says he/she regrets his decision. [/color]


Of course this may be true as long as human race is imperfect. But why do You mention this subject in this CF forum? Do You think that some of us feel this way?

To me it seems, that You completely missed the point, or misunderstood, what we see in other human�s tragedy (having child and feeling desperate about it). Once Kate1980 wrote �None of us just woke up one morning and said [color:"blue"] "Hey, I don't think I will have kids." [/color] This decision takes sometimes years and You still may doubt, �maybe my decision is wrong, maybe if I�ll have kids, I�ll change my mind, maybe the people out there are right�. . . Whatever. . . And then, when You see somebody regret the decision, it makes You even more stronger, because You feel, like Kate1980 wrote: [color:"blue"] We can easily see ourselves feeling the same way these women (who had children and regret it) do if we were to give in to societal pressures.[/color]

See? No judgement, No criticism, No feeling superior or inferior, No feeling any better or worst than the people out there. The ONLY think, what matters is, that You are happy and feel stronger for your OWN decision!!!

[color:"red"] Being cf does NOT mean you can bash on parents and fence sitters and say 'see, I made the right decision'[/color]

Read back all these post and You�ll see, NO one says that!!! I actually think, that the opposite is true. We feel sorry and with those people who regret their decision, because we KNOW how would we feel!!!

New York City, we are not here to judge, criticize, feel less or more important than others. We are here to support each other, because we see not only in these sad cases (when mother regret to have her child) how hard it is sometimes to stand the society pressure!!!

Antimother, you should READ what I write, like Kat does.

The reasons to NOT have kids far outweigh the reasons TO have kids, so I am also baffled as to why anyone would want kids.