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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 32
Newbie
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Newbie
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 32 |
My husband & I lived together for 6 years. We got married because we felt to old to be calling each other boyfriend & girlfriend and also to clarify the legal relationship. As neither of us is religious we decided to make the wedding fun and for our benefit rather than to entertain a cast of thousands. So we left the UK with 6 friends and relatives and got married on the treasure island pirate ship in Las Vegas. Had a really fun day without all the hassles.
Marriage is not necessary for a relationship to survive, just be sure you are both protected legally. My aunt & uncle lived together for 26 years, only when he became ill did they realise my aunt had no right to retain their rented house or access to any of my uncle's savings since they were not married. They finally got married in their 60's!!
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140 |
Nope. You don't "need" to be married. You need to do what fits you both best.
If I were married and one of us had to go into a state funded nursing home for whatever reason, medicare doesn't kick in to help pay until you prove you've liquidated and used up most of your joint assets. Scary stuff! Since we're not married, I'd get to keep what I had to support me and the SO (if it were the SO in the nursing home) and only his assets would have to be liquidated to cover costs.
As for banking, the banks here have no problems with having two unmarried people on an account and we've also made sure the power of attorney carries provisions to cover emergencies (access to finances, etc.) as do our wills.
Its all in what you want to do and how you go about it. If you have worries about what could happen, you might visit with an attorney and discuss your rights should you stay unmarried.
WildFern
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 479
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 479 |
There should be a legal marriage service, which is just as binding and "{contractual" as the one currently made 'before God' because the union of two people should not be faith-based, necessarily.
There is. It's called going to a Justice of the Peace.
The only reason I tend to advise people to get married if they're on the fence about it is because, as others have said, of the legal protections it affords (the fight for gay marriage, after all, is not just about love).
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,313
Zebra
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Zebra
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,313 |
Thanks katja, I appreciate your comments. I think you may be referring to a Union established before a J of the P in the USA..... Not sure how it works here in the UK or whether the Civil ceremony you describe omits any mention of God here. I'll have to do a bit of research....! EDIT NOTE: The Civil Ceremony in the UK omits mention of God, and also permits the inclusion of a non-religious speech at the start of the ceremony, submitted to the registrar two weeks before. No more than two minutes long. There is also a Humanist ceremony available for those wishing to make their Union entirely personal, but it isn't legally binding.... See this link, below.... http://www.confetti.co.uk/weddings/advice_ideas/ceremony/humanist.aspThanks Katja! Now I know what to do, in case I and my SO ever want to make it official!
Last edited by Alexandra; 07/28/06 03:04 AM.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498 |
[color:"darkred"] You can be married and childfree, or not married and childfree. Either way, no one is saying you have to get married, or fit to some mold. There is the good and bad with marriage, and I enjoy it, but I'll tell you, that is it certainly not for everyone. [/color]
If motherhood doesn't interest you, don't do it. It didn't interest me, so I didn't do it. Anyway, I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn't do what I wanted, I'd kill him."
--Katherine Hepburn
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 218
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 218 |
Absolutely. If it was for everyone, then we wouldn't have a 50+% divorce rate.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498 |
[color:"purple"] Yup. [/color]
If motherhood doesn't interest you, don't do it. It didn't interest me, so I didn't do it. Anyway, I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn't do what I wanted, I'd kill him."
--Katherine Hepburn
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 36
Newbie
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Newbie
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 36 |
Hi Alexandra,
I live in Australia and I don't feel that religion weighs heavy on decisions people make, especially young people. Depends what crowd you move in, I suspect.
It dosn't affect mine, anyway! :-) And I do believe in a loving "God", though I prefer other words for this higher power.
I think I am primarily drawn to getting married for the wedding and not necessarily the enormity of the lifetime commitment. I am not happy with this part of myself and have a few things to address!
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Anonymous
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I only got married because my hubby was going into the army. I for one believe that 2 people who really love eachother don't need a ring and a piece of paper to say so. Of course, I am also atheist and believe that marriage is a religious thing. I dunno, there's always the saying "Why fix it if it ain't broke." If it's important to you to have that ring and paper, it doesn't matter if kids are involved or not. Go for it. If it doesn't matter, who cares what people say. Your happiness comes first.
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 570
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 570 |
In my opinion, marriage ceremonies should not be uniquely Christian based. There should be a legal marriage service, which is just as binding and "{contractual" as the one currently made 'before God' because the union of two people should not be faith-based, necessarily. One or both of the couple may not have Christian beliefs... Why then, subject them to an obligatorily-Christian union? Isn't this a bit of an empty meaningless exercise...?
Secondly, again, just in my opinion, Marriage is socially very dressed up in frills, "White lace and promises".... The idea of a marriage ceremony is presented and promted as something with doves, pretty fluffy clouds and unreal expectations. Don't forget though, that the origins of many of the aspects of a wedding ceremony are founded and based on the ancient practise of the bride being donated as an item of property to the husband, ostensibly, but to the husband's family as a piece of goods. Hence the talk of dowry, Who giveth away this woman, and no matter what the romantic notion of the wedding band, it was a mark of ownership....
Remember that if a couple break off their Official engagement, the man is entitled to the engagement ring back.... You see what I mean? I've had little moments of shock from friends, students and co-workers about my wedding (this upcoming Saturday). "What, no engagement ring?" (Nope...we have better stuff to spend a few thousand dollars on and I'm not very frilly about jewelry...usually just earrings for me). The service will be an interesting mix of Atheist/humanist/pagan/Native American influences. I will walk alone partway down the aisle to a corner at the back of the room, where my fiance will be standing, and we will walk the rest of the way together. Nobody is "giving me away" --- what a relief! In terms of wedding rings...their history may be pretty oppressive, but now that they are bilateral, I think that cloud has lifted, thank goodness. People also asked me what shade of white I'd be wearing (this is a second marriage for both of us). White blouse, yes...but with a dark burgundy organza long, full skirt (gorgeously iridescent, actually...look at it from one angle and it's burgundy; another, a much darker, almost black color) and a black japanese Obi sash belt. Most of the people we've invited will love it. The few who won't? Oh well! Elise
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