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Parthena, cry whenever you feel like it. And if you need to "get lost in your own place" for a while, do it. I did, and I still do. I go to the cemetery almost every day, I am thankful I have the opportunity to hang out with my daughters even if it has to be there. The cemeteries here close at dusk due to vandalism, so I have never gotten to visit under the full moon.
Like the moon, your grief will wax and wane. I kept a hankie in my car for two years, I knew I would need it just did not know when! Go buy a beautiful old handkerchief, keep it with you, and the day will come when you can put it, with your tears, someplace special. <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" />

It has a lot to do with my depression and my faith. I've suffered from moderate depression ever since my 1st child was born (14 yrs), in Jan. it became severe, almost to the point of suicide. I am a Christian, and I spent much of my prayer time in the beginning of this year saying, "Why God? Why does this keep happening to me? Are You punishing me? What did I do to deserve this?" - whining really!
Then one day I am studying and not really paying attention to what i'm reading, just kind of flipping through the Bible, and i realize I'm in Luke - the story of the crucifixion. I'm reading and picturing the scenes from "The Passion" and realize that no matter how bad anything is here on earth, it has already been paid for and more by Jesus dying for me, and I didn't deserve THAT!
So now my statement (and a song I'm TRYING to write) is
"Why me? What have I done to deserve this? How can I be worthy of this gift?"

What a wonderful philosophy. Thanks for sharing, and good luck with the song. Please keep us posted on that. I've dealt with depression for most of my life and have found that gratitude instead of whining helps a great deal. {{{hugs}}}