BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting Stepparents unappreciated

My step-dad was the bane of my exsistence as an adolescent girl! TOOOOOOOOO strict, lived 15 miles from town and liked beer....alot.Flash forward 15 years after he entered my life he is my Daddy.The structure and value of respect, hard work and boundaries did not impact my lfe as a teen (very poor grades, skipped school, mouthy, partied too much)but as an adult who got married at 18, had a child at 19, 21 and pregnant again, were valued.

Where am I now? 31 married for 14 years, have a 13&10 year old, put myself through college(3.8 gpa) and work full time w/ special needs children. I couldn't have achieved this if it were not fore the self discipline and structure that I was forced to live with as a teen who despised "my mother's husband" for a while. The feeling was mutual. We don't see each other as step anything and I kind of resemble him so people who don't know never suspect. Besides I gave him the two things he didn't have with my mom----BOYS! : )

Step parents will not be valued until the children mature. Best of luck too all of the step parents out there. I hope that one day your hard job is appreciated.

I am a step-father and I surly feel unappreciated all the time. The kids are 15,13 and 7, but not by the 7 yo because I have in his little life since he was two. I feel used and left out. My wife doesn't help much and she feels that they are just teens. Boy, if everyone is right throughout this post, I cannot wait until the day when they see me as a loved family member, instead of someone who just pays the bills. You kids that are responding to this post, I hope my step-kids will be like you.

Overkill...I wanted to twist the little heads off of my natural children at the "teen age". I remember I had a difficult time going through that myself. My last at home (he just turned 15) is driving me crazy right now! I lived through the other 3 though, and they turned out mostly ok. They still have their moments though! The 2 oldest are my steps. They still call me mom and call and ask for help (usually going to me first instead of dad). We all live in the same town except for the younger girl. She lives about 1 1/2 hrs away. I have 2 wonderful grandchildren and I tell you what, those grandchildren are great! My mom always tells me that they are so sweet when they are young so that you can stand them when they are teens LOL! Hang in there!

My 3 stepdaughter are now grown but thought I'd stop in here to see what people had to say about step parenting. All you can do when things are bad is try to hold your marriage together for the day the kids are on their own and hope for the best. I've seen marriages not survive the stepkid situation. My husbands 2 youngest lived with us from the time they were 8 and 10 and we had a daughter together who was 4 when they moved in. They treated her terrible back then and I'm suprised she has anything to do with them now.

It took me years to get over the way they treated me and that my husband sided with them blindly on every issue. Our daughter is in college now and the other 3 are 26, 28 and 31. They all love me to death now and consider me part of the family and they all value the fact that I stayed with their dad so he isn't alone now, even tho they treated me like I was the wicked witch of the west all the years they lived with us.

If you think they'll grow up and leave and life will be better-just remember all the weddings, grandkids, anniversaries and holidays throughout your life. You have to try and get over the bad feelings or they will follow you all your life.

My best advise is to just nod and smile no matter what happens. Never criticize or show your anger. They want to get you angry so they can point at you and tell the "real" parent, "See how she is!" My stepdaughters drove me to say and do things I never in this world thought I'd say and do. If I had it to do again, I wouldn't! However, having said that, we do get along now and they all want me to be "grandma" so I guess it's just as well I didn't know what I'd have to go through when I married their dad.

Sorry this got too long.