BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development Grieving

I've read your article and I think it's great, although I can't honestly say I've experienced any of those stages, except for the 5th one.

I just lost my grandmother last night due to complications of pneumonia and before it happened, I had already accepted that she was going to die and I never did any type of bargaining because I felt that God needed her, regardless of his reasons why. I'm not a very religious person, but I always feel that there's a reason for everything, and maybe he needed the angel that she was..*IS*.. on his side of life.

I never denied her health was declining, although I admit I was a bit stunned on how quickly it did. My grandmother was a Breast Cancer survivor and was dealing w/ Rheumatoid Arthritis as well, so she was on a bunch of medications that weakened her immune system, which meant that when she got sick, she GOT SICK..and it hit her powerfully. While there are a lot of details w/ her health prior to the days before her death, basically her body became exhausted from fighting the pneumonia and with her immune system weaker than normal, she just gave up..and I don't blame her, she was in pain. So I know in my heart she's better off, and in my heart she'll always be :love:

Hi 'lyssa,

Thank you for courageously sharing a part of your personal process. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I see what you mean. I suppose what I was getting at is doing away with the "normal" and "fixed" labels all together. For example, what if being deaf was "normal"? Then the hearing would be "abnormal". It all comes down to comparisons, as well as the beliefs we've adopted from the outside. Acceptance, for me, is not labelling it one way or another: it just is. (Not an easy process, I realize!) For example, you use words like "in crowd", "caught" and "judge"--those are based on your own personal stories that may not be "true". We can always choose to change our personal mythology, one belief at a time. If you always see yourself as an outsider, though, you'll tend to be exactly that just by virtue of your attention. Does that make sense?

In other words, maybe it's not a gift. Maybe it's not a curse. Maybe it just is. Sure, we can re-frame our experience so we're grateful for even the difficult things to life, but once we start labelling our experiences, we sometimes get into a box so to speak.

I go through a similar process with my son's diagnosis (High Functioning Autism) and his speech delays. He's come so far, but I feel a part of me maybe hasn't grieved over this "loss". Yet, another part of me sees it as a waste of time. Who defines "normal"? Do I really want him to be "normal" (as in, how most of the American population exists!). Then there's guilt: did I cause this by having him vaccinated? On and on. I try not to entertain these kind of thoughts, but on the days that his behavior is trying, I sometimes feel like I might go mad. Fortunately, those days are rare. But every time, I'm comparing him to some external measuring stick, and I don't think that's fair to him...or myself.

Yeah, it's funny how we forget that everyone else has their stories, too, and are just as valid as ours!

You're very welcome, 'lyssa, and you sound like you're well on your way to healing and discovering the root of your maladies. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Bless your heart.

Hi PurpleNiki! Welcome to the Self Development Board. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> My condolensces on the loss of your Grandmother. I think that grieving and loss are sometimes exacerbated when we have regret, or a loss is unexpected or deemed "unfair". It seems that you have none of that, and so you are filled with gratitude, love, and fond memories. How beautiful. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It was two years ago on St. Patrick's day that I lost my father. I was 18 at the time and a college student at a community college. I will never forget that day. It started out pretty much like any other day did. I didn't realize how different this day was going to be. My father died around 11:15 am but I didn't find out until about 4 that afternoon. I was very angery that my grandparents didn't tell me up front. When I look back now, I understand why they didn't tell me. I didn't get to see my father before he died which is really hard for me to accept. My dad was only 45 when he died. I was angery at God for taking him so early. I had this fantisy that I would have my dad long enough to give me away. I am still having a hard time letting him go. I do want to let him go, but I don't know how to in a way that will honor him. Tommorrow he would have turned 48. His birthday is a very hard day for me.
I am also having a hard time letting him go because the littlest things will remind me of him. Every time I eat potatos I am reminded of him, because he loved them. I think this is all I can share right now. I will tell more later. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />