BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids So when are you having kids?

Do you get asked this? What's you're response.

Hi Moe - I do get asked this but it's getting less and less over time as most of my relatives and friends know by now that I'm not planning to have any kids.
How about you?

I don't know. It seems such a rude question. Not everyone is able to have kids. Or some are just waiting and some still are trying without success. I flip in and out of wanting them. I'm mixed. I keep thinkin I have to hurry up and decide. I'm 35 this year. I don't feel pressured to have them but I feel pressured to make a decision about it. It's not an outside pressure but an internal one. I don't think I feel like someone who really wants and knows they want kids.

Some people think as children that they want kids when they grow up and then end up pursuing a career that causes them to wait. Sometimes waiting can cover problems with being able to have children. Other kids grow up as tomboys, maybe, not thinking about having children but grow up and start having them. I am not so sure that anyone is ever really ready to have children, sometimes it just happens. The month I graduated from college, I became pregnant. I was 24 years old.

It is rude to ask people when they plan to have children but most often people are not trying to be rude, they are just anxious to have a little one around. I know I ask my 29 year old son when he is going to settle down and give me some grandkids. He reminds me that he just finished college and needs to find someone first. <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Kids wait longer these days to have children which makes the grandparents much older...so the chain of events begins. I don't mean to be rude when I talk to my son about this, but I am just anxious for it to happen. I so enjoy being around babies... <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I was 35 when I got pregnant with our youngest son. I was much more mature and better equipped to handle all aspects of motherhood, and actually was very excited, once I got past the morning sickness. Moe, you don't have to consciously make a decision. It will either happen or time will pass and you won't be able to conceive. Changing back and forth between wanting and not wanting to bear children is something I think most women do...sometimes it just happens, unless you are taking precautions for it not to happen. I think the internal pressure you are feeling is the old "clock ticking" thing. But the clock doen't run out as quick as some people think. Just look at Cary Grant and Tony Randall. LOL

My best girlfriend has 3 cats and a dog and cares for her mother. She has more or less adopted my kids. When I get upset with one of them, she says that is why she did not have any kids and only has pets. She teases me when I get angry with one of them but the truth is, she had cancer twice, during her most reproductive years and back then, doctors didn't think it was a good idea to conceive. So I let her "borrow" my kids...and my kids use her and her husband to share special days at school, like grandparents day. :love:

Your husband is a teacher and has to deal with kids all the time and may not to want to deal with more at home, or already uses all his emotional strength at school (God bless his soul!). I worked with a precious young lady (teacher, about 30) who worked with severely disabled, handicapped children. I only worked half a day and I was exhausted! She said she didn't have any children because all those children were like her own. Working with these kids was a full time job for her...it was her vocation, not just occupation. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

There is nothing more frightening than being responsible for a new, little life but there is also nothing more satisfying than watching them grow up into wonderful adults. But, it is a personal choice (not always a decision) whether it happens or not. Please be forgiving of people like me who ask those questions. We are not trying to be rude...just curious. That wonderful teacher's response will always be with me...she doesn't have any children of her own because her whole class are her kids. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Trish

P.S. Sorry for the long post but sometimes I just get going. Remember "I'm okay, you're okay?". We are! Blessings! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As we were planning our wedding (been together 7 years, married almost 2 months now), I had a few people ask if we were planning on kids and if so, when. It's nice to hear that first question first - it's nice to see that some people don't automatically assume you're going to have kids.

We're not planning on having kids for at least 5 years yet -- wanting to enjoy our time together to travel and see the world (we're both only 24). And even then, we're not sure - it'll depend on how we feel then. Honestly, I want to be done having kids by my mid30s, and he seems fine with that. And if we can't have kids for some reason, adoption is definitely an option for us.

i had my first one this yr at 22 plan on another one within next few yrs. i was told probably couldnt have any?

With both of my kids, I had people visit us in the hospital asking when we were planning on another one. Both of my kids were born with an infection that caused them to spend time in ICU. I couldn't believe that I was being asked this. I was dealing with child birth and a sick child.
A parent asking the question is one thing. I think it gets to be rude when your extended familly gets involved. I know I had family discussing it at Thanksgiving one year. I know this year the conversation was about me not having more and how I will change my mind. It was very rude, but I just laughted it off. I had some problems with my health and with the kids sick, I can't handle having more. I wish people would just let it go. It is about my health, not theirs.

thats true judith. my son got stuck in the canal, i didnt dilate the whole way, and he had to be suctioned out, but that didnt work ethier. so finally the dr pulled him out. he had his nose smushed in and had a hard time breathing. he didnt eat for almost 48 hrs and his jaundice got worse. luckinly it cleared up and he is now a butterball. he still has colic and a hard time breathing, maybe its allergies like i have. r ur kids any better now?

I know my sister in law gets really annoyed when she receives this question. She and my brother just built an addition to their house, so everyone assumes they are planning a family. Even though I am very close with them, I avoid asking any questions because I know they will share information when they are ready.

My kids are fine now. They are probably healther than most kids. We are lucky. It is just that my body is not good pregnant. I have high blood pressure and diabetes when I am pregnant. I have something wrong with my cervic that makes them come early. I am on bed rest most the time. Then when they are born, they have infections that affects their lungs. After all my health problems, it is a few days ( 5 and 7 days)in ICU with my kids. It is too much. My extended family is the one that says these things because they are not there until after the hospital stay. They don't see the reality of having a sick child.

Raleigh, I have a sister in law the same way. I am close, but don't ask. I am glad because she told me she was trying, but she is having health problems.

My favorite is when people find out you are trying and they ask every month if you are pregnant. They act like you are doing something wrong when you aren't.