BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Childfree by choice?

hi i am back, i have been away for awhile, gotten engaged to a wonderful cf woman, and i am more convinced that i am childfree, theres a lot more of us cf out there.

for dugong
Parturiphobia- Fear of childbirth.
Pedophobia- Fear of children.

i think of it this way, there are 6.3 billion souls on this planet and maybe a 1/3rd are starving, do i have the right to bring into this world another life, yes they may be a genius and solve world hunger, or they could be the next hitler chances are it would be a mediocrity instead,

Congratulations, Mercurior. <img src="/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

cheers, 2 years till the hitching ;-)..wished it was sooner, but we have a few things to sort out first. freedom of choice and of life, cant beat it..

Hi Mercurior
Big congratulations to you to find someone that matches you perfectly in the child free department. I'm sure you know how lucky you are as there don't seem to be many people out there that believe that CF is the way to go. I'm very happy and at the same time, green with envy for you that you have found such a rare and special person.
Thanks very much for the info on the child phobia - pedophobia - I should have known!
I wish you and your bride every happiness in the world!
I received an ear bashing the other night at a party I went to from a woman that used to always think that her and her husband would be childfree but then at 35 she all of a sudden changed her mind. Well, don't former CF'ers change their tune very quickly once having children of their own. She was preaching to me about how abnormal my thoughts are and that I'll always regret being selfish if I don't have a child and I was thinking the whole time throughout the one sided conversation - " Are you the same opininated woman that no less than two years ago was referring to children as the worlds genetic waste?" I think she got the message when I walked away mid conversation to grab another drink and joined some other friends talking travel and lucky I did because now I'm off to Thailand in January for a girls only childfree holiday. How fantastic! Big thanks to the hypocrite for driving me away from a lecturous conversation to my next holiday destination! Talk about karma eh?
Hope you're all well.
Dugong

We are child free by choice and will celebrate our 20th anniversary next year. We met when working in a developing country-we both had done so since grad school. We love life and other people. We are not anti-social hermits but the problems caused by overpopulation and the thoughtless slaughter between ethnic groups flung us into a different sort of reality after marriage. We have brothers and sisters to pass on the bloodline that is "oh so important" to most everyone. We are active in a range of social/environmental causes, so are family knows better than to ask, "When.... Well, we pay a hefty property tax and that goes towards our county school system so now as we both get ready for our 20th and our 50th birthdays, we are in a place of peace that I didn't know could exist. Lastly-I am a Roman Catholic and my sweetie is a Sunni Muslim so you know we put tremendous thought into "kid-free". If our families had their way, we would have had to build 2 additions on to this house by now! LOL Well, it is a personal decision and let's all try not to pressure each other one way or the other. Take Care Out There, Sharonka

cheers dugong, you will find someone.. it could be from anywhere we actually met due to a web board she felt she was alone, and she had no friends, so i emailed her and said you have one here, and we started talking, discovering that we both had the same feelings about children.

my love is more militantly anti child, i dislike them, but not as militant.. i am so happy to have my casey, my mum, is very supportive of my choice too, yes i even have a mother who doesnt want any grandkids at all, ever..

i have always wondered do the childfree have a better record of marriages than some childed.. a lot of married people are ok, but when they have a kid, i have noticed cracks appear in their marriages..

sometimes i beleive the cf converted are the worst, in some cases i am sure its due to them being jealous that we stuck to our guns.

Thanks for the kind words Mercurior - I have found my special someone but we're just not matched in this area. He's very keen for children but I've never wanted any. We were young and naive I suppose each thinking the other would change their mind. Neither of us realised how strongly the other felt so we walked down the aisle and made our vows so now find ourselves in a horrible predicament which brings me to my next question. Are there any of you CF folks out there that would have the child you never wanted to keep the person that you love? I suppose that's a new topic altogether. I've had people tell me that I should just go ahead and take the plunge because once I do it I'll love it and that I'll make a great mother but my arguement back is - just because a person is good at something doesn't mean they'll enjoy it. Any thoughts from any of you? Babaloo - how you going? As the originator of this post, any more thoughts on the issue. Looks like you've helped a whole lot of people open up and find some like minded individuals for support. Great work.

I say if you meet someone who wants kids and you don't, you're not a match. A match is more than just with a person whom you get along with and share interests. To me, it's also about two people whose goals and desires in life are compatible with each other.

To me (I'm not an expert in this, but I think about this a lot), people are like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. A perfectly-matched couple consists of two pieces that were meant to fit together perfectly. A relationship that could possibly be more shaky is one where the two pieces don't fit, but one is forced to alter its shape to try to conform with the other, despite the urge to want to go back to its original shape.

then you werent a match, if someone truly loves you, they will accept you views, your beleifs, if i wanted kids, and casey didnt, i would say you dont want kids, thats ok, children are not the be all and end all. its you i love not the biological part of you..

but i am lucky. you will find someone, or they will change their minds.. i have faith in love, taken a few wrong turns in the past, but i found the one by pure fluke.. and i have never been as happy. you will find someone, who accepts you as you..

This person seems to know it all (sarcasm intended!) - Jesus didn't have any children - I wonder if she thinks the same of him?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?