BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Pagan losing my desire

Parthena,

Wow.... that is one tough situation. Personally, I'd just flat out tell your lodger he has to go. He is not contributing to the situation and creating tension between you and your husband. That's as good a reason as you need.

As far as energy or space-cleansing techniques go, I was at a retreat, way up in the CA mountains. Due to fire danger, they could not burn anything, including incense or sage. The woman who did some body work on me used a sage-scented spray to clear the space. I don't know if you have access to essential oils, but some of that added to a spritz bottle of charged water would work.

You can charge water by putting it in a clear glass bowl in sunlight and adding a few crystals. Bless or energize it with your intentions too.

If you don't want to confront the houseguest, I'd suggest doing rituals that deal with asking the universe to find the right path for him. Some folks don't like to do "work" against a person, feeling it goes against the Wiccan Rede, but you might ask that he find the right space and strongly feel the need to move towards it. He sounds prosperous enough, but maybe you need to send him motivation.

I have friends who always bless their home for protection. They didn't want to put a warding or banishment on it, so they created a blessing whereby they ask that any people who come to the house who feel the need to agress against them or draw their energies away, naturally feel the need to leave of their own free will to go be happier elsewhere.

For clensing if you dont have any access to oils you can uses salt and charged water and if you have some sage to add into it that would be good too.

You could steep the sage in the charged water making a sort of tea.

I'm one of those bull headed Taureans too, I know precisely of the explosive level that you speak. Fortunately for me I get a quiet even tone to my voice when I'm that mad. From your posts I realize that you don't want to cause a scene but you probably SHOULD tell him that he is irritating you to no end.
This is one of those damned if you do damned if you don't situations. You need to let the 'roommate' know what he is doing to you and your husbands relationship - regardless of how it will make your husband feel. This is why, not letting the free loader know how you feel bout him will make your emotions fester, causing resentment not just for the friend but your husband as well. You may be keeping quiet out of love and respect for your husband, but at the cost of your own self respect and sanity.
I may be wrong but based on the fact that he's not too keen on compromising bout your living situation and locale this might not the best relationship in the world - no matter how much you love him and the life you had before the house guest arrived.
I do apologize if this upsets you, it's just my outsider observations.
But there are 2 things that go bad after bout 3 days, guests and fish, when in doubt throw it out.


Good Luck and much patience to you
Wendy

Rae, Fiona, Wendy - thank you all so much. I'm still working on changing my attitude and feelings. You know, if he hadn't bought a new computer when he doesn't have a place to live, that might have been easier!

Overe the past few days, I've realized that I am making a lot more allowances for my own clients - I have to if I want to work at all. This goes back to what Rae said about the economy. I did point out to him a few months ago that people are not going to pay for his services out of their own pockets if they have insurance, so I think he's re-thinking that one.

Sage tea is a great idea! I sure wish I could find a candle that smells like sage or Nag Champa - for real. I miss my incense and smudging so much.

I have also re-considered Rae's idea about the cleaning. I went in there yesterday and I think if I just moved a few things around every few days that would change his comfort level. For instance, we put our old entertainment center in there when we got a new one, and my tv, vcr and stereo are in there. They were not put in there to make him feel at home! They were put in there for storage and because I wanted that room to do my yoga workouts when I was able so hubs could watch tv. I have made it a point several times to unplug them when he used them, so I think he got the idea.

I may even start working out in there when I feel I've cleansed it enough.

Big hugs to all of you for the ideas and for validating my feelings. It's really hard to confront someone with a terminal illness, even when there are some things that have nothing to do with it! The hardest part about the relationship is the everyday little boogers, just like any other marriage!

I think that Yankee Candle makes a sage scented one, it might be mixed with something else tho, or I could be completely mistaken.
Good luck and blessed be.

I have seen Nag Champa candles somewhere too... I will have to keep an eye out!

Thanks! I make soap but not candles. One of my suppliers sells a good Nag fragrance but I'm out of it. I may have to try putting it in a diffuser. Thankfully, smoke bothers him but fragrance doesn't as long as it's not too heavy. He loves my sandalwood soap!

I just wanted to thank you all again - especially you, Rae. Even though I can't do a lot of heavy housework, your idea about cleansing and changing energy was a great one.

What I've started to do is to let him know in subtle ways that this is not really his home and that the room is temporarily his - this is MY house.

The closet in there is really tiny and a friend gave me a nice portable closet. We set that up a while ago. This week, I started using it for what I had intended - hanging my long dresses and nicer clothes so that they don't get mooshed in the closet. Since this is out in the open, he has to look at it.

There's also a dresser in there that I brought with me - again, intended for my clothes. But since he's been here and I have boundaries, I hesitated to go in there and ended up overflowing the drawers in hubby's dresser. No more. With the last load of laundry, my sweaters went back where they belong.

And it seems to be working! - he's coming back here really late and leaving on weekends! My next step is to start using the room for meditation and yoga when he's not here.

I'm also joining a class with my group in Tulsa. I got so tired of driving that I dropped out of activities for a while. Going off on my own with other pagans is an important part of keeping my own space, so I'm excited about picking that back up.

Blessed Be, everyone <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Parthena,

I find it's amazing how doing just one thing can set off a chain reaction, and that it can be a chain reaction of healing. Just by bringing a tiny bit of focus and intention together with action, you sound like you've set things in motion to be much better for yourself.

I have been on a cleaning tear myself, going through boxes of items that have just been piled around since I moved last May. Really, if I just take one per weekend, and dig through it and get rid of stuff I don't need, I'll have increased square feet in no time. I've also been misting myself and my apt with lavendar water. It's a nice conditioner for my hair in the winter, and it really refreshes the place. And I make it myself so it's cheap too!

Build up that energy and really put it toward growth on Feb 2 when we have Imbolc.

Thats great Parthena! Sounds like you are making progress <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rae, we have been on a bit of a cleaning spree too! Decluttering the house, redoing closets, emptying boxes and donating stuff to Goodwill, etc.

It feels great! I love the misting with lavendar idea... I am thinking I may need to make up a lavender/sage mister for the house too! Charge it up on the upcoming full moon and it will be great to use around Imbolc too!