BellaOnline Forums Family Siblings Should you force your kids to share?

Should you force your kids to share? Should you just avoid the fights and buy them double of everything?

If they cant share then tough everyone gets nothing in my book. Thats how I would do it. I cant wait to be a mom I'm gonna be one tough momma so says my mom.javascript:void(0)
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As parents it is our job to teach yound children how to share. We are all born selfish, unable to share. Just spend time with a newborn.

I don't believe time outs work. I've used them with various children in the past and all the kid has done is sit there until his time is up and then go back and not share again.

What are some ideas you have?

In my experience, you have to sit there with them and demonstrate sharing. This takes a good little chunk of time though.

We'll play a game where everybody has a toy, and there is a timer for 5 minutes, (or even better, a song, like musical chairs - musical toys) when the timer goes off, or the song changes - everybody swaps toys!

Now, on the other hand my daughter is 8, and my son is 2. There are toys that are totally inappropriate for the 8 yr old to be playing with (I don't know if she is regressing or intentionally trying to annoy the 2 yr old) I make her give those back. And if Seth takes one of Jordan's "girlie" toys or special toys - he has to give those back as well. I do believe there is a thing as "special" property. But those things should be put away before guest come over becuase it is not fair to have toys out that EVERYONE can't play with.

Thank you so much for sharing. Your idea is amazing and would work really really well, not only to get them to share but to spend time together learning how to play with each other.

Time is something no parent should be stingy with.

Play the trade game with young kids, they want something another kid has - fine they just have to trade them for it.

LOL - We're reinstituting the age old system of bartering!

I think there was an episode of "Rugrats" with that theme, chuckie wanted a ball, but had to get Angeilca a cookie, but in order to get angelica the cookie, he had to get Lil a worm....it went on and on.

The scary thing is, our toddlers these days are probably savvy enough to do just that! <img src="/images/graemlins/rolling.gif" alt="" />

I find that kids who want something another kid has all the time to be very tiring. I'm still researching techniques for these children.........

This may just take a lot of patience and consistent reminding to trade for something. It may also just be that you have to let the kids figure out a system for themselves, there is a pecking order in any group. <img src="/images/graemlins/wall.gif" alt="" />

I don't think you should force your kids to do anything. You should teach them and guide them to do the right thing.

In my house, no, I won't force them to share something that is theirs but they have to know I won't force the other kids to share either.

If it's a special toy or game that belongs to ONE of them, I say something like "it would be nice for you to share that with your sister, but I won't force you". Sometimes they pout, but that is how it goes, and normally after a day or two when the toy isn't so new they are willing to share. Almost always they will play together now instead of arguing over something.

If the item belongs to both of them and it's a real issue we use a timer if they won't play nicely.

meg

Sharing is such an interesting concept. We want our kids to share and get along, but as adults we don't want to share. Kids will mirror what they see. If you want your child to be generous, then you have to be. If you want your child to protect what is theirs, then you have to protect what is yours. Figure out why you want your kids to share. To get along? society says we should? girlfriends are astonished that your child doesn't share?

Personally I don't want my children to value material things over everything else. I want them to understand that they should be grateful for everything they have. So I mirror this so they can understand it.

When I got to college, it was easy to tell who had grown up as an only child as dorm life, with roommates and many bathrooms users, tended to almost freak them out. They had never ever had to share in their lives. Not space, not resources, not even attention from other people.

I've seen a few adults who had trouble with jobs or spouses because they never learned to share. Unless you intend to live in a bubble, it sure helps to be able to share. With sharing it's not just the idea of "stuff" and material values that can be communicated, but sharing also teaches you a lot about social interaction, esp how actions by one can have consequences on another.

I've known a few couples who chose only to have one child, and most were proactive in making sure the child interacted with other kids regularly before kindergarten age so that when they started school, the sharing that comes with that experience wouldn't suddenly be new and traumatic.

I love the responses that say "you should not force your kids to do anything."

I force my kids to eat healthy food,
I force them to go to bed at a decent hour,
I force them to do their chores.
I force them to wear their seatbelts.

These are not things you can coax them to do by teaching them. They are important things that need to be done. Sharing is one of these things.

My theory is to be tough on my kids when they are young and I have control over their day to day. Once they are in school I want to know that I have instilled in them responsibilty, respect, hard work, and community. I want to know that they will have empathy, not just be concerned with themselves. We are trying to encourage them to stand up for others and be a good friend to all. It is a struggle for the most part because we are asking more of them then other parents ask of their kids.

When it comes to sharing, it is hard because my youngest is just learning this skill. My son wants to share. I made a big deal about it a few times and told him nice people share. When the hurricane relief happened, I took the time to teach him we need to share with the little boy we kept seeing on TV. So he sent some of his toys.

But I do make my kids do a lot of things they don't want to do. My oldest would rather curl up and die than to sit on the stairs. I have a timer and he sits there his age if he acts bad. I have been known to take his toys away from him. My youngest gets put in her playyard and that is the most painful thing for her.

Is anyone buying their kids a joint gift this year? How are you planning on having them share it?

Last year we got them an air hockey table, something they need to do together in order to play. It's cute to watch, When Kennedy was 2 she was really good and my husband said she had Thunder, so everytime she hit the puck she'd say she had Thunder.

This year I was too busy working to put on seperate birthday parties a week apart, so for the first time they shared a birthday party. They had fun and took turns, my son was better at it then my daughter. She wanted to open all the presents.

Although it was really easy for me because I booked a party place and didn't have to do anything and it was only one day. I wouldn't say it was the best party they have had. Just the best one I'd had.

Not sure how I ended up with two such amazing children. I bought 3 boxes of cereal that were on sale, inside each one was a bike counter. Some toy of some sort anyway.

My 7 year old son said he wanted the red and the black one. The first two to come out of boxes were red and black. My 4 year old daughter did not even say a word when he was handed two and she didn't get one yet. The third box had an orange one and when I gave it to her she was thrilled and surprised she got one.

You see she had a blue one from a few days earlier that Grandma had gotten in a box. Thing is my son did not ask why he didn't get one or where his toy was. He was thrilled that his sister had one and she shared it with him.

Right now they are playing with their new toys and laughing and cheering each other on as they get it working and use one piece to get it to count up.

Once again my kids amazed me.

They decided to pool their money together to buy a game boy that they would share. I never even mentioned it, as I really don't want them getting one, they came up with it all on their own.

The other amazing thing, my son gets more money than my daughter, as he's older, he isn't insisting she pay the same amount.