BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence A Left Over Gift From my Abuser

It has been almost 10 years since my ex-husband last hit me in the face. Recently, I went to the dentist because I've been having alot of problems with my teeth. I've always been very meticulous about my dental hygein(sp,lol) but I have had alot of problems over the last 10 years.....root canals, rotting teeth and abcesses...so my dentist took some extensive x-rays the other day and then sat down to talk with me for a while. You will not believe what I had to do next....He sent me for a drug test!!!! He wanted to make sure I wasn't a crack addict!!!! When it was (of course) made clear that I wasn't a drug addict, he talked to me about my past....this dentist didn't know me back then....when he heard about the extent of my abuse, he told me the shocking news. I had extensive nerve damage in my upper jaw. I would lose the remaining teeth -minus the front 6- in my mouth on the top. The nerve damage was so bad that he said that I should actually be in more pain than I am (I'm not in any). So at 39 in a few months I will have the remaining teeth on both sides in the back on the top -again, minus the front 6- pulled and then be fitted for partials.

It's been 10 years and I still am suffering from the damages of abuse.

Jenna,that is such a sad story,especially since
you seem so nice. I had not heard of such lingering effects from abuse. I sure hope everything works out for you. I can sympathize
for you,and to a degree,empathize with you.
My father was very abusive with my mother(may
God rest their souls),and to a lesser extent,
to us children. When small,I don't think I ever
felt hatred like I did when I viewed these instances. I hope you and your kids(if there were
any) have sought and recieved the counciling
that is helpful in dealing with these type things.I will pray for you. Keep your chin up,
it sounds like the worst is behind you,for that,
congratulations and thank goodness.

Thanx Hawk for that....Yes my children and I did recieve the counseling that was necessary after I left the abusive marriage. It was necessary to heal the scarring and open up the lines of communication. I now have a much better relationship with them for it. I am now remarried to a wonderful man. Not to say that it hasn't had it's own residual effects either...when ya live so long with abuse sometimes it's the first place you go...but we have also had counseling and our marriage is everthing I always had hoped that a marriage could be... <img src="/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

hey jenna, i think you just solved a mystery for me. a year and a half ago i had 4 root canals and 6 fillings done. last month my dentist told me that i need 4 more root canals. my 1st reaction was to cry since i am the posterchild for 'chicken dental patients'. i will talk to my dentist about this and see what he thinks.
Thank You. i guess i should tell you that i spent 5 years in an abusive relationship, and this dec will be 2 years since i left that male.

aliepooh,

I, too am not the dentists best friend. I hope my story helped you. From one survivor to another, good for you. I know how much courage it takes to just walk away...

hey Jenna,
a small worry. my 'male' from the violent relationship i was in never went for my face. he always attacked my stomach, ribs and general chest area. basically anywhere that i could cover it up easily, without causing any suspision. i got beaten up 3 to 4 times a week, and it was always in the same areas. does that mean, i'm goin to get problems with these areas later on in life? such as when i'm ready to have children?! please help. xx

I have partial hearing loss in my left ear and the doctor i went to was baffled by it because I don't have ear infections alot. he asked if I ever got hit severly on that side of my head. I broke down crying and he said that is what happened. I got hit so many times on that side of my face, that I now must live with only 75% of my hearing in my left ear. And my ex always called me stupid because I would ask him to repeat himself often. Now I feel like telling him, hey stupid you made me deaf LOL

As an update: I recently went to the dentist to start the work necessary to improve my teeth...I need to have 5 teeth pulled, two of which are inmpacted root - left over from teeth that have fallen out - and then I will get a partial which has teeth on it so I will again have teeth in the back. Before you guys get the idea that I am just a toothless old crow (lol), My toothloss has only occured on the top in the back. So I have teeth in the front... <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.
BUT all this stuff is going to COST. We have insurance and they will pay quite a lot actually, but there is still considerable out of pocket expense. Not to mention the painful recovery period. I have decided to not work during all this and there may be times when I am not online. But thank the Lord I can finally get it taken care of and out of the way...it's the final step.

P.S. I don't know why it says "xxBlondiXX" above, that's not me... <img src="/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Jenna, there's a post in my and some of the other forums on how to correct the post id. Some of my posts disappeared completely!

I'm glad you're getting it taken care of. Sometimes it burns my butt that we're not compensated for the emotional and physical scars that pop up for years to come.

I left 18 years ago. A few years ago, an opthamologist confirmed that the poor vision in my left eye is caused by a cataract that is actually scar tissue caused by an injury by Guess Who. I also believe that my fibromyalgia was directly caused by my ex and my father's physical abuse.

Blessings,

March 11th is the date I am having my teeth pulled. SCARY!! I will be put to sleep. Then I will have to wait for about 2 weeks before being fitted with a partial. I also found out that I will have a small hole that goes into my sinus cavity that will have to heal. I will have an increased chance of infection and have already been on antibiotics.

Parthena, I've emailed Lisa, seems everyone by now knows that most of the xxblondixx posts are mine...lol... it's kind of funny. I'm sure it'll all be cleared up soon. I'll check out your post tho just ot give it a try.

So many things are related to physical abuse. Physical problems as well as psychological ones. Being in an abusive relationship is so blinding! I remember feeling like I was the only person that had this problem even tho logically I knew that I wasn't. My friends and family all got tired of trying to give me advice and support. Really, the only person able to save me was me. And God. I think thats why I am such a strong Christian, Because I could be dead or in prison myself, but I think only through the grace of God am I still here alive and kicking with some bite to me. There's a reason for it, I just don't know what it is yet. I may never know. But I will live the rest of my life with this gratitude to God for giving me a chance to be alive anf happy. Even if it is with only a few of my own real teeth lol...<img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Update!!

It's the evening of the 11th of March and I am doing surprisingly well considering I just had 5 teeth pulled. (Amazing painkillers...lol <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)

I alos Do Not have a hole into my sinus cavity so my healing time will be much faster...Thank you God!

Thanks for all the nice things you guys have said. I appreciate it very much. I'll keep yopu posted about my progress.

I just found this thread and was so happy to find it. I also have health issues due to the domestic violence I endured. I was raped by my husband many times over 11 years, and didn't tell anyone. I stuffed it in and hid it pretty well. But, on Nov. 17, 1998, it started to take its toll on my health. I got very ill. Turns out, according to the doctor, the stress from the abuse was too much for me to 'carry' and it damaged my immune system. I have a rare auto-immune disorder that has left me deaf on my left side, hard of hearing on my right side, with minimal vision problems, and my right balance nerve completely destroyed.
What started my whole thought process with this is that my left shoulder has begun to dislocate and I have to put it back in myself. I went to the doctor and after looking at the x-rays she asked if there had been prior trauma to it. I explained to her about the many nights that I had to push my hands against the wall to prevent my head from hitting it..during the incidents. She said that even though it was only 5 years ago that I left, the damages to my body are now starting to be revewaled. I was shocked I guess, to know that there can be no apparent injuries from the abuse, until years later.

It's no nice to know that I'm not alone with this. I used to love to play basketball. I played for almost 20 years. I can't do that anymore, because of my balance loss. Only now am I beginning to attempt singing again. I was thinking the other day how this is a permanent scar I will always have..not only a constant reminder of the abuse I endured, but also a constant reminder that I survived and can now take back my life!