BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage I need advise from someone who is married...

Well here goes my husband was 17 when we met, we married two weeks after his 18 birthday. Now almost 16 years later we are still happily married. Our marriage has had down falls. We have struggle over finances, lost loved ones including a child. Yet remain together as best friends, lovers and husband and wife. I love him more today than 16 years ago. We have grown together.

I do not have the problems any of you mention in other threads. We have an active sex life. Someone in another thread mentioned once a month. I guess were blessed as for us it is every night.

It was not always this way. When kids were younger my appetite for sex was on the decline as I was tired. However once the kids got older I got more active lol. I think much of it had to do with we started communicating more about our sexual wants and desires.

We both live an active life now but we make time for each other.

I married young and am determine to die married to him. I told him no early parole for him he is doing life.

Just make sure it is what you both want and get the need for other out of your life. For once you marry. He should be the only man who lights your fire.

Mehdi you go boy <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well I'd like to throw my two cents worth in here. I am a professional with a big career. Got married at the age of 39 to a man 27 years old. We never wanted children and are very happy after 14 years of marriage.

We have had our ups and downs, but all in all, it is a good match. I would NEVER have considered marriage before the age of 39 - these days there is no reason to. I also would NEVER have considered marriage if my husband had not been a Canadian national. I am a US citizen and refused to move; we could not have been together if we didn't get married.

Marriage is a patriarchal manner of domination and subjugation of women in our culture. It is outdated, and it is sick. If you are marrying just to marry, I think NOT. Why not just live together? Married folks pay higher taxes and have more complicated financial problems. Get a lawyer to write up a co-habiting agreement, establish separate bank accounts and get modern!

It is easier to walk away from a relationship when you are just living together. You are less likely to make it work because at anytime you can walk out. A marriage is not so easy to walk away from, therefore one is willing to work through it and I�m sorry you see it as domination.

Honestly in my marriage I�m the master , he is my sub � evil grin� no seriously marriage is more than what you describe it as. I�m sorry to see you only married your husband because of a citizenship. Question do you have separate bedrooms ?

We have made it work just fine, thanks. How rude of you to comment about the sleeping situation - no we don't have separate bedrooms. Why use marriage as a way to keep someone from walking away? If they walk away, they aren't committed, period, married or not. I am willing to work through any relationship - it doesn't have to have a lock and key on it! Marriage is dated; we need to address real relationships. Haven't you ever read Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir? Now that happened a long time ago and worked just fine. <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

How rude of you to push your views onto someone else. You are married are you not and I think you pointed out you married only because of citizenship. Are you saying that my marriage of 16 years is not a real relationship?


Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony?

I stood there on that day April 21st 1989 and I said. I do.

What about Common Law ? The law recognizes common law relationships between opposite�sex and same-sex couples after the couple has been in a marriage-like relationship for a certain amount of time. Under most federal laws, that time is one year. Under most provincial laws, that time is two years.

So the only thing seperating me and someone who has already lived together in a peice of paper where I signed on a dotted line.


It appears more people are becoming more cynical and fatalistic about marriage.

from http://www.awomansconcern.org/dorchester/questions/sex


(1). Affairs are twice as common among couples who live together than among married couples (2). Commitment involves more than living together- it is a deep, lasting bond between two people who are willing to stay with each other for the long haul through whatever life brings.



commitment is more than sharing living space. if you are commited why not sign the piece of paper?

I suggest Five Reasons you Need The Piece Of Paper

from focus on the family a great Pamphlet

http://www.focus.org.nz/shop/product_info.php?products_id=1086

That Anonymous post was from me. I'm not sure why it didn't post my name.

Rose

Wow, Anonymous, you have a lot of issues! I am never casting aspersions on your relationship! Don't be paranoid! I am not pushing any of my views onto anyone else! Get real! I am loving and have a loving relationship which does not need any chains to keep it in place! We are happy and wonderful, thanks!

You commented and I quote "Marriage is dated; we need to address real relationships." Then you quote "I am loving and have a loving relationship which does not need any chains to keep it in place!"

But that loving relationship is one of marriage. I rest my case. The only one here with issues is you. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi new at this, but read all the good advivce with great intrest, and i do believe if there is a doubt, then wait. I do not think age is the factor,but the doubt. I waited till i was 29 years old but even with the older age, I married with doubt and we are now going through a divorce 7 years later, and i think it was having all that doubt that did not let me be in the marriage 100%, so i say when in doubt wait.